Feelin kinda down... got back from my appt, I guess I'm 1% reassured now, but still feel scared/worried.
The pap went ok... what you'd expect haha.
My doc came in, and I havent seen her in a while, and hugged me and was all excited and asked how I'm doing- and that just made me lose it! So i started crying, hahaha... and she asked what's wrong and I said I'm just so worried! So she said we could do the U/S before the pap if I want but I figured I better just do the pap- if the U/S was bad IDK how i'd make it through the pap.
Soooo she doesnt even LOOK for a HB with the doppler which was good- last time (with DS) when there was no HB it freaked me out! Soo, the US, theres a little sac, then a blob.... then shes just quiet... lookin around, im starting to panic bcuz i dont see a HB... then I see a tiny flicker, and she says oh there it is... lets see if we can hear it...nope we can't... so I just watch her looking frusterated trying to find a good shot/hear it and we had to give up, but she said there IS a hb and its about 150, so I mean that IS good news. It's still alive...
BUT only measured like 7w3 days and 7w2 days... so she said we could put my due date at oct 28th... which kind of bummed me out even though I knew it was possible that the EDD cld get moved BUT, just frusterating becuz that meanst he sperm would have had to live in me like 6 days before fertilizing. (which i guess is possible).. and that means I got a BFP @ 6dpo.. so that just kinda worries me that its growing too slow or that somethings wrong with it...and that would mean that my blood test I first got done was at like 8DPO even tho I still had numbers that were 11dpo.. Kinda sad bcuz I thought I really had figured it out and knew exactly how far along I was and now its rewound I feel like somethings wrong...
BUT the good news is she's having me come back in 2 weeks, she said normally its a month (which I was expecting) btu she doesnt want me to worry that long and that we can get a better picture in 2 weeks so I'll feel better, and reassured me that the chance of M/C after seeing a HB is a lot less, although not 0, blah blah.. SOOO two weeks from today I go back, hopefully my little froggy hits a growth spurt by then (It looks like a frog, haha)
AND is it sad that now I'm like 100% certain I'll have a November baby and I really really wanted October?? Thats so petty!! I feel soo annoyed at myself for thinking like that. Its like DEJA VU haha with DS I was due Aug 27th and wanted an AUG baby SOO BADDD!! And of course had Sept 12th, haha... and now I've been wanting an OCT so bad, and now I'm so dumb for being upset that I probably wont have it til November..when I just need to be happy that at least I'm pregnant.. ARGHH@ myself.. Anyways, sorry for rambling!!!!!!