Ruining their fun - vent

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annierose's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 333
Ruining their fun - vent

I had a fun shopping trip with a girlfriend yesterday and bought a ton of stuff for the little guy. He's pretty well set for clothes now and I loved putting thought into what I picked out and splurging on some more expensive brands this time around. We were poor when we had the girls so I really held back then. My MIL and mom got to buy the girls quite a few things - clothes that were fine, but not my taste and I was never excited about them. I'm also very particular with baby clothes because I don't use onesies (because we use cloth diapers and have had issues in the past). When I see something I like, I buy it. I also found quite a few things on sale yesterday that I couldn't pass up.

So I came home and was enjoying myself detagging all the cute stuff when my mom shows up at my house and gives me grief for not leaving anything for the grandmothers to buy the little guy. I'm ruining the grandmothers' fun. What's left for them? Boohoo hoo. I can kind of see her point, but I just don't truly care. I'd be happy if no one bought this baby ANYTHING. I'd like to be able to choose each and everything he uses and wears without feeling like I have to use something because it was a gift.

My eldest got dressed in the stupidest newborn outfits - jammies that buttoned all up the back and were impossible to put on a limp necked newborn, Winnie the Pooh, etc. because I wanted to make other people happy to see her in the outfits they bought her. This is my last kid, my only son, and I'm just not willing to do it anymore.

Am I being mean? Should it matter what the grandmothers want? Is anyone else in this boat? I realize I should be thankful for gifts, blah, blah, blah, but we're happily in a place where we don't need financial help anymore. I am always very kind to the mother and MIL and thank them for what they do for me, for the girls, etc. so it's not like I'm a total brat. I just like to dress my kids a certain way!

Thankfully my MIL hasn't said a word about any of this, but she's the prime shopper. She'll probably just buy him stuff that he doesn't need and I'll occasionally dress him in something she gives us to make her happy. I'm not going to do it as frequently as in the past though!

Any vents to add?

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

I hear ya! I'm super picky about clothes and already bought a ton of stuff. My Mom has very poor taste but luckily hasn't said anything, I'm hoping she doesn't buy me anything (fingers crossed). My MIL dislikes anything with leopard print for a girl but ya know what...it's my little girl and I waited forever for this.

regdahl's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 777

It's not about their fun....AND don't let them ruin your fun!! Let them buy what they want...but don't feel like you need to put him in it. Gifts are just that. Gifts. You can be thankful and appreciative but that's as far as it has to go IMHO. If there are things you aren't as fussy about give them ideas of things they can buy....like socks, hats, toys etc. Sorry they're stressing you out. :/

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

"regdahl" wrote:

Let them buy what they want...but don't feel like you need to put him in it.

I agree with this. My mom loves to make trips to the thrift stores and just buy buy buy stuff for the boys, if its in their size she pretty much automatically grabs it. Most of it is totally usable and great. But a lot of it is absolutely hideous and should've been trashed instead of donated lol. And those things never get put on my kids, they sit in the drawer until they outgrow them and then they get thrown in our running box of clothes to donate.

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

My mom generally goes shopping with me, and will ask me what I think before she buys anything for my kids. She has pretty good taste, so most of the time it works out. Infact, just yesterday we were out shopping. I spotted an outfit that I loved for our new little guy while she was off looking at something else. I moved on, and she moved over to the boys section, found the same exact outfit, and held it up... saying how cute it was and how she just had to get it for him. I am so excited about it. She'll give it to me the day the baby is born.

In the past, if I dont like something, I return it (if it comes from a store... if its something from a garage sale, or cant be returned, it doesnt get worn). My family understands, or at least havent ever said anything about it. I am picky too... even more so now that I am on #4, and my 3rd boy. I am just so sick of all blue... I really dont like the sports themed stuff... or a lot of the stuff I had with my first 2 boys. I did do a registry to announce that we are having another boy... a "hey, heres stuff the baby will need since its a...." and, to hint at the things that I am liking/wanting this time around. Hoping that our family will get the hint. Plus, christmas is about a month after my EDD, so it also works on that too Wink

nwmommy's picture
Joined: 01/06/10
Posts: 321

My mom has pretty good taste and she almost always buys the new "in style" stuff, she and I have pretty similar tastes so I don't have to worry much about her.
My MIL will just buy anything from a rummage (which I love to) that she see's but she won't buy hideous beyond hideous things and she won't buy anything with stains so that helps. I told her I don't like winnie the pooh so she never gave me those items...but she did buy a few that she's kept at her house for emergency changes. I'm totally ok with her keeping them at her house not mine.

My grandma on the other hand...great grandma to the girls....is so bad. She buys anything and everything. Some of its cute but she completely disregards that I don't like Barney or Winnie the pooh. She actually thinks its funny to randomly send things. She mailed us a few Barney books one time and hid in some winnie the pooh clothes in a bag that she was giving us. I just put them in the bottom of the dresser and they eventually get donated.

****Oh and no I wouldn't feel bad. This is your last baby your only boy and you absolutely have every right to buy whatever you want. Grandma's can still have fun, they can still buy more clothes if they want. Or if you haven't bought like the stroller or swing or whatever else they can buy those in boy print .....or toys....he'll want cars and trucks more than baby dolls and dress up stuff Smile

lemonlemon's picture
Joined: 12/30/07
Posts: 1904

I'm opposite- my family never buys anything for DS unless it's Xmas/his bday.. so so far nobodys bought anything for this baby... It kinda bums me out a little bcuz I buy everyone stuff for their babies but at the same time Im thinking at least now I buy what IIII want.

I figure if my mom were to ask I could tell her something... Maybe you could tell MIL or your mother something you NEED that will get used, like a glider or more disposable diapers or a furniture item..or something that isnt clothing?

Gabsma03's picture
Joined: 07/23/08
Posts: 178

My mom has great taste and either asks before she buys something or we are shopping together. My Poor Mil buys the most random stuff at garage sales or thrift stores usually stained up and smelly the sized never work either .I appreciate the fact she buys stuff but they also smoke heavily so the stuff all smells heavy of smoke by the time we get it !!! I usually wash it up put the kid in it once when they go over there or it goes in the garbage right away!!!! I feel bad they don't have much money so I would almost rather he not buy anything and save her money!

lemonlemon's picture
Joined: 12/30/07
Posts: 1904

"Gabsma03" wrote:

My mom has great taste and either asks before she buys something or we are shopping together. My Poor Mil buys the most random stuff at garage sales or thrift stores usually stained up and smelly the sized never work either .I appreciate the fact she buys stuff but they also smoke heavily so the stuff all smells heavy of smoke by the time we get it !!! I usually wash it up put the kid in it once when they go over there or it goes in the garbage right away!!!! I feel bad they don't have much money so I would almost rather he not buy anything and save her money!

That sounds just likes Kevins parents. They buy Brody toys a lot at garage sales and always have a lot of junk there for himt o playwith (he loves) but they're really bad with money and so they end up needing to "borrow" (and not pay back) money by the middle of the month for gas and who knows what.. so I feel like really its us buying all that junk and I wish they wouldnt buy anything at all and just budget better.. hehe.. but i figure its the thought that counts.. at least they think of him unlike my own parents who only buy things for themselves

grovey2's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 938

**lurker** I brought up the importance of gift receipts to my MIL (who never included one) -- i talked about how it's such a waste when she can't wear something due to it being the wrong size in the wrong season, it just so happened that O wore bigger sizes then what she was...like she's 12mnths old and is wearing 18mnth...she's been like that since she was pretty much born....so now my MIL includes gc all the time now, and if i get something i don't particularly like, i exchange it.

Joined: 06/24/12
Posts: 252

When it comes to my older DD, my xMIL buys her SO much. I have been hospitalized during this pregnancy, so she bought DD every single item she needed for school this year on the schools websites and her ENTIRE new wardrobe for fourth grade. I am lucky bc when DD is there she takes her out shopping, allows her to pick it out and try it on. Since they live in another state, when she sends DD items (which is once a month) they are usually a little big, but always brand new and from Hannah Andersson, Justice, Gap etc, all the stores preteens love. I am so very lucky to have her as my daughters grandmother, she truly makes my life so much easier.

To show my respect for everything she gets for DD when she goes to visit, I send her with all her clothes, and also have DD take her school portrait in an outfit xmil got.

I do think you should allow grandparents to buy whatever they want, and just say thank you and accept it. Dress them in it once or twice around them and than trash it if need be. I mean, really, what harm does it cause at all to have your kid wear an ugly outfit to their home for a day, if it makes the grandparents happy?

Like one of the above posters said, try talking to her about the importance of gift reciepts, and if it is thirft store bought, and your not fond of it, put DS in it once, and than throw it on the top of your donation pile.

I would still continue to buy anything you want for your DS, and try to openly go over your likes and dislikes and your style when it comes to your DS clothing.

I wouldn't take it to serious, it is just clothing Wink

Concerning the daughter I am carrying, my husbands mother gave us a bassinet and carseat that was beat up, and stained. I said my thanks, threw away the car seat and donated the bassinet. I just took it to seem greatful, but def would not be using it.

Congrats on your first boy!! You must be thrilled!!! Wishing you nothing but health and happiness for the remainder of your pregnancy!

eta-stupid spelling error

annierose's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 333

Thanks for the input, ladies! I went through all that I bought so I could give them some ideas of things they could buy if they felt so inclined. I certainly never told either of the grandmas they couldn't buy anything for LO. My mom just had horrible timing in showing up twice when I'd been shopping and has a bit of diarrhea of the mouth at times. I think it's funny that she gave me grief when she rarely buys the kids clothes anyway. There are still shoes to buy and non-sleeper outfits. Plus, gifts are gifts. They may or may not be used. My mom and MIL see the kids so frequently that I'll sometimes put them in clothes they buy them, but not all the time.

I talked about it with my MIL and she has some ideas for non-clothes items she wants to get DS and she's going to help decorate the nursery. I think I'm in good with her. Wink ...until she starts wallpapering the accent wall...