Slight meltdown

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Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244
Slight meltdown

Okay had a slight meltdown tonight. I just wanted to post this here even though technically it may not fit here because I just know you girls will understand. Tonight all of a sudden I just got really sad thinking about the possibility of endo and what it means. Mostly I think I'm sad because I worked with a lot of foster children today and children that were recently taken out of their homes and put into foster care and it just broke my heart. I've kind of had this feeling for a long long time that maybe I wouldn't be able to have my own children and I wonder if there's a reason I felt that way. Because if my immune condition I'm just not sure how long I can continue with TTC if the results of my tests show that it's going to take a lot of intervention to get me pregnant. It's so hard on my body and my body is already pretty rough to begin with. So I got online and started looking up adoption info and found all of these websites that have pictures and profiles of the children and I have just been sitting here crying. It just makes me so sad all of it. I know I'm getting WAY ahead of myself considering everything I heard at the doc was just a theory but I feel I need to face my reality and that's that my body can't take too much of this because it's hurt to begin with and that's never going to change. I want to be prepared for any outcome so that when I hear what the doc says we can just pick up with whatever path we feel we need to follow so I'm trying to investigate it all. It feels better just to get this out on here. I didn't feel like this until after DH fell asleep and so I have no one to talk to about it right now while I'm sitting here crying and freaking out. Sorry for the long winded vent but I just had to get this out somewhere.

CrysRee31's picture
Joined: 06/01/11
Posts: 1473

:bigarmhug:

I COMPLETELY understand! I've had those same thoughts. I'm very lucky to have my DD, she is my miracle - even back before she was born my doc said she didn't think I was O'ing because of the long cycles (6 months between AF sometimes) I was having. So imagine my shock when I found out I was pg! I just expected that since my cycles had leveled out it meant I was really OK and I'd get pg no problem....obviously not. I hope to get some answers soon (our system runs soooo slowly it's almost a joke!).
Adoption has always been something I wanted to do, and I've done the same thing you did last night, sometimes I hear stories about kids who have horrible parents and I just start crying because I want to take care of them too, it's so frustrating that people who CAN have children so easily don't always appreciate them or care for them properly.
You are a very caring person and you will be a geat Mom - no matter how you come to be one. Regardless of what turn this path takes you on you're not alone Smile

:bigarmhug:

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

I fully understand. Foster to adopt was something my DH and I looked into because we had friends who were foster parents and because there were some children that were distantly related to my DH (children of second cousins) in the foster system. Many of the situations are very sad. Being a foster parent is tough for many reasons and I didn't think I could handle it emotionally while we were TTC. Have you considered going through training to foster?

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Thank you so much Crystal! It does make me feel better to know that other TTCers have also had the same thoughts. Part of me feels guilty for having thoughts of adoption when we could still be able to conceive on our own and I don't know why. I guess I worry about what the family will think though that's silly. I know my family would be great with it...it's my husband's I'm not sure about. I get too ahead of myself sometimes I know but I just feel I have to consider my options especially since I know that adopting is something I've always wanted to do.

Beth- Is training to foster just getting the training that you need in order to be foster parents? I think I might struggle with being a foster parent. I'm not sure. While I love all of these kids so much that I work with who are struggling, I do think it might be very hard to have them in my home, especially more than one of them since I had one this year that tried to beat me up and already succeeded in beating up his teacher and her aide and a few other people in the school at 8 years old. I think if we adopt our ideal situation would be to try to connect with a mother who has decided while pregnant to put her baby up for adoption and chooses us though I don't know how often that actually happens. I'd probably be good with taking a child that's pretty young too like toddler age. Just thinking about what all goes into it is so overwhelming.

Joined: 06/18/11
Posts: 1425

Leah,

I want to send you a big huge hug. I don't think it is a bad thing that you are exploring your options at all. I think you are lucky that you are open to those options. Some people would never consider fostering or adoption.

I think we all have things we struggle with. I feel guilty sometimes because I have kids and I am TTC another, you know? I just wanted to tell you that we are here for you whenever you need to talk, cry, vent, ect.

CrysRee31's picture
Joined: 06/01/11
Posts: 1473

"Leah261" wrote:

Thank you so much Crystal! It does make me feel better to know that other TTCers have also had the same thoughts. Part of me feels guilty for having thoughts of adoption when we could still be able to conceive on our own and I don't know why. I guess I worry about what the family will think though that's silly. I know my family would be great with it...it's my husband's I'm not sure about. I get too ahead of myself sometimes I know but I just feel I have to consider my options especially since I know that adopting is something I've always wanted to do.

For me it's actually MY family I worry about, I know DH's fam would be wonderful - they've taken my DD in as one of their own already so I'd think they'd be just as great with an adopted child.
Even if your DH's family were a bit uneasy (as I expect mine would be) at first I'm sure they'd love and accept any child brought into the family - sometimes it take a little longer tho. I don't think you are getting ahead of yourself at all, it's good to know your options, and hey you may someday have one of each Smile