I'm so glad to see your response! As you caught on, the people here are an incredible form of support... Liz included! Please let me know if you are having trouble with the forums at all. You can reach out to me anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Facebook. (Liz can hook you up with me there.) If you don't understand how something works or the lingo just ask anyone here! We're happy to have you!
As others have shared, you likely need to work on healing both physically and emotionally from a traumatic birth experience. This absolutely does NOT make you a bad mom nor does asking for help mean you are a failure or weak -- in ANY way. In my opinion, it is the opposite. It takes courage and is a STRONG person (and loving mom) to reach out to get help... or rather the tools and resources needed to heal. Coming here is a first step forward. Journaling your birth experience is another method some find useful. Some find that talking with a professional that deals with trauma recovery is needed to aid in moving forward. It can be so difficult to disassociate the pain and trauma you went through from your son. Obviously your *heart* knows that it wasn't his fault but getting your brain to register and make that separation is a challenge to put it mildly.
For now, I urge you to be gentle with yourself. I am so very sorry that you suffered during a time that should have been so joyous. Each day, take time out to do something positive for yourself. Get outside in the sun (even in cold weather) for 10 minutes. Drink water and also consider an iron supplement. After giving birth those are good recommendations for everyone to speed the physical recovery. In time, if you can bundle up your little one and head out for a short walk -- all the better. The air is clearing (and a bit restorative.)
CONNECT -- this is the biggest key. Don't shut out friends. If there are those that don't understand what you've been through so be it. That's their issue, not yours. DO find others here and in person that will allow you to vent... will share both the good, the bad, and the ugly times with you... and allow you to grieve the birth experience you should have had but didn't. We (they?) can also celebrate those small things that you find within your son that you want to share. You WILL continue to heal and in time -- while you won't forget - you will be the mom you long to be.
Sending you tons of hugs! Please post whenever you can (oh & welcome to Pregnancy.org!!)
welcome! I am so glad Liz convinced you to join.
I'm sorry your birth was traumatic. My first was pretty rough and it took me a while to feel a good connection with my son. It also took me a long time to process the experience and come to terms with it. Talk with your doctor and your friends. A lot of births don't go as planned, and a lot of them are scary, but people rarely talk about it. It helped me to hear some other stories and know that I wasn't alone. In no way did I fail him, or myself, and it did not make me a bad mother. Unexpected things happened and were dealt with as they had to be. Acceptance will come with time. Now almost every day I look at my almost-6-year-old son and think about how lucky I am that his birth turned out as well as it did and that we had the care we needed and that he's here and healthy.
If you want to share your story, if you think it will help, we'd be willing to listen and help you in any way you need. Give your sweet baby a good, long snuggle, and know that you are a wonderful mother.
big boy 12.8.07 @ 39+2 7lbs 8oz, 20.5" BFed for 13 months
middle boy 8.12.09 @ 39+4 7lbs 9oz, 21" BFed for 13.5 months
little boy 4.26.11 @ 38+4 6lbs 14oz, 19.5" BFed until 26mo and restarted at 30mo!
baby boy 10.25.13 @ 41+0 8lbs 15oz, 21.5"
8.16.12 & 12.16.12
Welcome! This is a great place to come and feel connected to other mamas...it's SO important! Becoming a mom is life changing...and nothing prepares us for it. If you want to share your story with us we'd love to hear, sometimes it's good to write it out and get it out there...
If there's any questions you have, ask em! No such thing as TMI here, and you are among the most understanding group of gals around. Most of us are on our 3rd and 4th babies, so we've been through pretty much everything!
Thank you all for your support...I had to take Nathan for his tongue tie appointment today and felt like sobbing...I don't want anything to hurt him.
Before I delve into my birth story, which I still have to get my head around....I want to share my huge fears about his upcoming circumcision.
I come from a reformed jewish background in the states and my husband is of a Christian background...I was sure I wanted him circumcised as that's what Jewish boys go through...Now that he is born and I look at him...I am just terrified that I am making a decision that he will have to live with for this rest of his life and have no choice in. I am also afraid I will hurt him.
My husband feels that it is important as I am Jewish which makes him Jewish...and this is a tradition that we should keep alive...As supportive and sweet that is is...I just feel at a loss if it;s the right thing to do....
I thought I could just make these decisions easily, but I'm finding every decision very hard and traumatic. I really have a hard time knowing what is right for my son and committing to it.
Looking for words of advice or just some support if you can offer it.
I will come back to post more on this later but for now wanted to send you a big virtual HUG!! (((((((HUG))))))))
Being a parent definitely is not easy and decisions seem to carry so much more weight than when they were just for you. I am certain that you will find people here that are on both sides.
Circumcision is tomorrow and Im crying just thinking of it....Im trying to stay busy...cooking and cleaning...but that's just wearing me out...
Please think of me and Nathan tomorrow...hopefully that will keep me strong
It will be fine.
I don't know anything about it really... But I do know that Nathan won't remember it.
Please don't upset yourself.
Thinking of you
TTC 2 Years +
I'm late to this thread but just wanted to add my welcome and hugs of support. Pg.org is an amazing community and I hope you find it to be a safe and helpful place to come and share and find some peace. I would not be the mom I am today or have had the births I have had without these ladies...know that whatever you are going through, many others have had similar experiences and are here for you--good or bad.
As for the circumcision, it sounds like you've already given it a lot of thought and made your decision as a family. I think it's quite normal to have last minute worries right before a procedure...take comfort in the reasons you chose to do this, and hang in there...it will be a distant memory soon. All best wishes today.
Hi and many many hugs to you. I'm sorry, I meant to come on earlier to tell you welcome. Anyway, thinking about you today with the circumcision. I totally understand. I sobbed through my first son's circumcision and still felt a ton of anxiety through my second son's. But they are both 100% fine, and your son will be too, I promise. Anyway, I am sorry that you had such a traumatic birth experience, and that you have to deal with your trepidation over the circumcision as well. I know that when my first was brand new EVERYTHING felt like a life or death decision. I blame hormones. So if that's how you're feeling right now too, many many hugs, and please know that it does pass after a few weeks as things settle down.
So glad that you joined us for support, and please know that there are tons of moms on this board to support you. Also, any friend of Liz's is a friend of mine. <3
-Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)
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