***update*** I have a meeting with the mw Saturday morning. DH and I "talked" about it, I put talk in quotes because seriously having a conversation with my DH is sometimes ridiculous, God love him he's just not good at serious conversations. I told him I wanted to meet with the mw and that I don't think I want to go to the hospital and have the baby. He kept eating and said nothing really. I asked him what he thought. He said and I quote "well, I'm d@mned if I do, d@amned if I don't. since this is the last baby (insert stern look right at me ;)) you're going to do what you want to do no matter what I think anyway. besides, you're the one that has to do it" So, basically he gave me his blessing Okay, seriously though, he's okay with it, or he isn't but either way he's not going to say no. Like I've said before, my DH rarely tells me no on anything and if he felt strongly enough he would. I told him I want to continue seeing my dr which he not only agreed with but stipulated as a condition. Soooooo, I'm going to her house Saturday morning to have a chat with her and iron out the details. Looks like as long as everything goes according to plan (which it won't because that's just how I roll) we could possibly be staying home to have this LO!!!!!
and, in other important news, my tile guy is now running 2 days behind which pushes my plumbers back at least 2 days BUT I was able to talk my plumber into sending his uncle over to hook up the toilet tomorrow (if the flooring guy finishes today, which HE BETTER!!!) so I may not have a full bathroom but I'll have a sh!tter on the main level again :woohoo:
we make it to the hospital. I've been having this, well, feeling I guess, it's not a premonition or anything, probably more like a deep seated hope that I don't have to have this baby in the hospital. I want to labor at home and birth this baby at home more than I can even describe to you but my options are not only limited they are pretty well non-existent. I do still love my OB but I just don't want to have to think about anything that may or may not be done in the hospital. I don't want to go in wearing war paint ready for a battle, not that I had to really battle it out last time but there were still things done during Clara's birth that I just didn't think to or have the energy to stop. I don't want to sleep on a thin air up mattress for 48 hours, I don't want wires on my belly (made me itch like crazy last time), I don't want to sneak drinks of water from the bathroom sink, I don't want to have to tell nurses NO, I don't want a cervical check, I don't want to wear their hospital gown, I want to walk, really walk, not just 20 paces down this boring hall, 20 paces back, I want to eat, I want to lay on my bed or the couch or the freaking kitchen floor if it suits me. I just want to be at home. During the last few months of my pregnancies I ALWAYS become a hermit, a total and complete homebody. I swear it's something that feels very natural and it almost feels like readying myself to give birth, focus within, on myself, my new baby and my family.
I'm still a couple months away and I know it would FREAK my DH out beyond belief if he knew I had this wish but it just doesn't feel right, going to the hospital, not this time, it's just not sitting right with me. I can't figure out if it really is a gut feeling (those things I always harp on everyone else to listen to) or just me being stubborn and wishful. Either way it's what I feel and I can't shake it *sigh* How am I supposed to deal with this?