***update*** I have a meeting with the mw Saturday morning. DH and I "talked" about it, I put talk in quotes because seriously having a conversation with my DH is sometimes ridiculous, God love him he's just not good at serious conversations. I told him I wanted to meet with the mw and that I don't think I want to go to the hospital and have the baby. He kept eating and said nothing really. I asked him what he thought. He said and I quote "well, I'm d@mned if I do, d@amned if I don't. since this is the last baby (insert stern look right at me ) you're going to do what you want to do no matter what I think anyway. besides, you're the one that has to do it" So, basically he gave me his blessing Okay, seriously though, he's okay with it, or he isn't but either way he's not going to say no. Like I've said before, my DH rarely tells me no on anything and if he felt strongly enough he would. I told him I want to continue seeing my dr which he not only agreed with but stipulated as a condition. Soooooo, I'm going to her house Saturday morning to have a chat with her and iron out the details. Looks like as long as everything goes according to plan (which it won't because that's just how I roll) we could possibly be staying home to have this LO!!!!!
and, in other important news, my tile guy is now running 2 days behind which pushes my plumbers back at least 2 days BUT I was able to talk my plumber into sending his uncle over to hook up the toilet tomorrow (if the flooring guy finishes today, which HE BETTER!!!) so I may not have a full bathroom but I'll have a sh!tter on the main level again
we make it to the hospital. I've been having this, well, feeling I guess, it's not a premonition or anything, probably more like a deep seated hope that I don't have to have this baby in the hospital. I want to labor at home and birth this baby at home more than I can even describe to you but my options are not only limited they are pretty well non-existent. I do still love my OB but I just don't want to have to think about anything that may or may not be done in the hospital. I don't want to go in wearing war paint ready for a battle, not that I had to really battle it out last time but there were still things done during Clara's birth that I just didn't think to or have the energy to stop. I don't want to sleep on a thin air up mattress for 48 hours, I don't want wires on my belly (made me itch like crazy last time), I don't want to sneak drinks of water from the bathroom sink, I don't want to have to tell nurses NO, I don't want a cervical check, I don't want to wear their hospital gown, I want to walk, really walk, not just 20 paces down this boring hall, 20 paces back, I want to eat, I want to lay on my bed or the couch or the freaking kitchen floor if it suits me. I just want to be at home. During the last few months of my pregnancies I ALWAYS become a hermit, a total and complete homebody. I swear it's something that feels very natural and it almost feels like readying myself to give birth, focus within, on myself, my new baby and my family.
I'm still a couple months away and I know it would FREAK my DH out beyond belief if he knew I had this wish but it just doesn't feel right, going to the hospital, not this time, it's just not sitting right with me. I can't figure out if it really is a gut feeling (those things I always harp on everyone else to listen to) or just me being stubborn and wishful. Either way it's what I feel and I can't shake it *sigh* How am I supposed to deal with this?
p.s. <3 you girls. I've been lurking more and more, not posting as much as I'd like yet but I'm getting a few spare minutes more than usual. Bathroom remodel is about 2 weeks away from being complete. Can't wait to show it all to you, it's going to look AMAZING. got to see my new vanity and countertop Friday *swoon*
Last edited by momW; 06-27-2012 at 04:57 PM.
Hi!!!! I miss you tons!
I completely and totally, 100% understand exactly where you are coming from and have the same thoughts about #3. If I'm not in a different town by then where there is a birth center that accepts VBA2C's, there is a very good chance that I will just refuse to go to the hospital and 'accidentally' have the baby at home. I'm with you on this one!
I can't wait to see the bathroom and even more, I can't wait for you to come back to posting like an addict again!
I can't wait to have some time to be on here, I feel like I've missed out on soooo much!!!! Clara is my terror child though, that girl keeps me hopping more so than either of the other ones ever did. I can't sit down for a second or she just destroys whatever she can get her hands on, which is made even harder with all the remodeling stuff in the house and everything displaced because of it right now. I have the flooring people coming this week, the vanity install scheduled AAAANNNNDDDD I thought I was going to have to wait for the guy that's doing the tile on the bathtub wall but he has an opening this week and might be able to do it then. My step dad just finished up mudding and sanding today so tonight we start painting. I have to wait on my plumbers until after next weekend which sucks (I'm currently working on bribing my plumber though) cause everything will be ready for them by friday afternoon but they don't think they can make it then. I talked to his wife at the basketball tournament this weekend and she's going to push him into getting a crew in Friday
If there was a birthing center anywhere close to me I'd be on that route in a second!!!
Since I typed the OP I've been chatting via PM on fb with the midwife, the only one we have around here. She's a DEM and has a 5 month old. Maybe you remember but I called her at the beginning of this pregnancy the day after she had her baby and I just couldn't bring myself to ask her to attend my birth knowing she has a baby to care for and she had planned to take 2 years off work. Anyway, I was just PMing her to get a feel for if I had any options and if I was as crazy as I feel for not wanting to go to the hospital. she offered to attend the birth as long as I know that her baby comes with, which I obviously do realize. I NEED to talk to DH and quickly because I think I'm changing my plan!!!!! I am heading to a ballgame now (last one of the weekend, we did a stretch of 12 games in 3 days, ugh!), hopefully I can talk to him tonight!!
OOOOOOH...I really hope that will work out for you! I think it's as simple as the fact that you know what you need and the hospital isn't going to provide it, no "gut feeling" required! My fingers are so crossed that this homebirth plan can happen...
Would the MW be attending a home birth or a hospital birth? I know you'll get the birth you want no matter where you are but it'll be some much nicer not to have to go in with your guns blazing.
I know the feeling....my birth in the car, while not the ideal location, was wonderful in that I didn't have anyone trying to shove monitors up my vagina (they type they told me I was going to have to have), disallowing me to get in the shower, causing me to have to sneak food/drink, hooking me up to an unnecessary IV, etc..
So with this one, I shudder to imagine being in the hospital and having to be subjected to all that. Home birth just seems to much more....simple. A peaceful.
Good luck with your midwife! KUP!
Hey Christa! I hope DH is on board with your plan, it sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this. Good Luck!!
You mean most people don't dream of having this peaceful home birth?! Cause I've already had one dream about me being in labor and it being seemingly slow and then suddenly I tell DH that I'm not going anywhere and we have a wonderful home birth. Pretty sure my husband would completely freak out if I shared that. lol. But an unassisted home birth really isn't in my plans of what I truly want when awake. But a home birth would be nice. (Only option for me is unassisted.) So I REALLY don't think you're crazy at all. I hope you're able to work this out with this midwife and with your DH!!!
Miss you Christa!!! Can't wait to see pics of the renos when done!!!