Advice for a friend
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  1. #1
    Posting Addict TiggersMommy's Avatar
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    Default Advice for a friend

    A friend of mine is about 37 weeks along and her baby is footling breech. We had a plague of breech babies on this board. So, I figured I'd hit you ladies up for some advice. Her docs are going to try a version next week and if it doesn't work she'll be scheduled for a C-section. She's tried everything to get baby to turn and is quite upset about having to have a C-section. She's not planning a natural birth or anything but she wanted to have the baby vaginally. Is there anything I can tell her to help soothe her fears? What did you ladies want to hear/not want to hear? How can she prepare herself for the version?
    Erin
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    Posting Addict laurensmitty1982's Avatar
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    Is there any way she would be willing to switch doctors to someone who is willing to deliver feet first? My biggest regret with ds was not switching to a doctor who was willing to do VBAC's. I mean really if she ends up with a c/s a wont be a huge suprise,, but at least she was given the chance to deliver vaginally. Just depends on how much she wants it versus the risks.

    Other than that if the version doesnt go well, a c/s is okay. She just has to remember that her baby is here safe and sound and she will recover and have a chance at a vaginal birth with her next one..
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    Posting Addict ange84's Avatar
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    Will her doctor let her go into labour because a baby can turn at anytime. My Nana had two babies breech in the final weeks, the first turned 1 week before he was born, the second turned just before she gave birth (homebirth as well, in England at the time all first babies were hospital births , subsequent with no complications were home births and they did not see breech as a complication). My doctor was not overly happy about me refusing to schedule but allowed me to go into labour naturally after my ECV didn't work in case Ronin turned. I also tried chiropractic care and Bowen therapy as well as spinning babies. Just to let her know an ECV is very uncomfortable and I know here they will not give any pain meds because then the mother can't tell them if something feels very off. I used some of the hypnobabies stuff I learned to get through mine and the dr actually tried more than usual after Ronin wouldn't turn to keep trying to turn him because he was surprised at how well I was tolerating it.
    Wendy




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    Community Host AnnaRO's Avatar
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    For me personally, I got tired of hearing "getting that baby here safely is what matters", "whatever is best to get that baby here healthy and safe". Because DUH!

    My own perspective was that I really wanted to have a baby the way babies are meant to be born and I felt like I was going to miss out on a very important part of the whole process by having to schedule a c-section. Honestly, I still do. I don't know that there is anything that you can really say to her, because of course she wants whats best and in the end will do whatever it takes to get baby here safely. But you know her and her personality so she may not be viewing it the same way I did. I didn't want to hear that once the baby got here it wouldn't matter how she got here, but it did and still does. I'm still kind of upset about the whole thing when I think about. It's nobody's fault and really couldn't be helped, but that's how I feel.

    I guess that you could tell her that it isn't her fault or the baby's fault. That it happens and it sucks, and she has every right to be upset about it and even angry about it. Unfortunately, c-sections are surprisingly frequent.

    Hopefully the baby will still turn. It does happen, even if it didn't for me.

    Sorry to be such a downer.
    -Anna
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  5. #5
    Posting Addict momW's Avatar
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    I'm sure if she's been working on it then she's been to the spinningbabies.com website?

    I don't really have any input as my breech was a surprise, but even she goes to show you that a baby in labor can turn.

    I would imagine though that she probably doesn't want to "hear" much, she just wants someone to listen to her fears and be empathetic.

  6. #6
    Posting Addict TiggersMommy's Avatar
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    Thanks everybody. She's been doing spinningbabies techniques for weeks now. I suggested that she could try to find a provider that would deliver a breech baby. NJ is a rather populous state. I'm sure there's one nearby. It would just be a matter of finding him/her and convincing him/her to take her on so late in the game. I've told her stories I've heard of delivering breech babies vaginally. I'd forgotten that Clara was a surprise breech! I'll throw that one in too. I'm treading lightly because I haven't seen her for a few years and I know that although she says she wants to try for a natural birth I'm certain she's not as crazy about it as I am and I certainly don't want to come off as pushy. Her docs don't seem too keen on the idea of letting her go into labor so there's a very good chance she'll end up with a C-section. I'm pretty sure she won't take it as badly as I would have. She seems pretty bummed about it but I would have been utterly devastated and I guess that's why I feel so compelled to help her in any way I can.

    Anna, I like the idea of reminding her that it's not her's nor the baby's fault. That's something I would want to hear in such a situation. I think that the disappointment/guilt/anger that a woman feels after a C-section is all too often bulldozed by all the people yelling "Congratulations! At least the baby is healthy! Good thing the doctors saved you and the baby!" It should be addressed and it should be completely acceptable for a new Mom to yell "THAT SUCKED!" as loud as they can at whomever they please. Many women need to grieve the loss of the birth they wanted and they should be allowed to do so.
    Erin
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    Posting Addict jolly11sd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TiggersMommy View Post
    It should be addressed and it should be completely acceptable for a new Mom to yell "THAT SUCKED!" as loud as they can at whomever they please. Many women need to grieve the loss of the birth they wanted and they should be allowed to do so.
    Yes, this!

    Christa is totally right. The best bet is probablly to just listen and be empathetic of her fears. If she feels like asking you your opinion on options and such then go into the 'here is what I would do thing'. Its hard not to go straight there but because of your strong beliefs/desires for how you'd handle it but it might be the wrong way to approach her unless you are BFF's or know she is hard core NCB. Yep, I know, it hard not to go there

    Sorry I don't have any great advice on breech stuff or helping her prepare.
    ~Joy~ DS1-8/5/05, DS2-10/18/10 (VBAC#1), DS3- 4/11/12 (VBAC#2!)


  8. #8
    Posting Addict KatieWantsABaby's Avatar
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    I would personally give her a big hug and let her know that it's okay to vent about it, be upset about it, etc. I also really liked Anna's idea to remind her it's nobody's fault, some babies just don't turn. If she does ask, then go ahead and talk to her about switching docs or asking to try labor first to see if baby turns.
    Cat & Phil 3/7/07
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