Blurgh (OT)

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TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043
Blurgh (OT)

I need to vent.

I'm having a really ****ty week. Its the end of the semester, which is always stressful but this one has been exceedingly rough. All I want to do is sleep for like a week. I've applied for I think 7 fellowships and was rejected by 6 of them. I should find out about the 7th tomorrow. I just found out this afternoon that the grant I submitted was also rejected. I feel rejected. If I don't get this last fellowship, we're in trouble. DH's funding was just significantly reduced and we won't be able to afford daycare on one tiny grad student stipend. So, I'd have to either drop out and get a job or stay home with Teagan until DH finishes up. I'm so damn grumpy. Much less deserving students are fully funded. I've been dealt a ****ty hand. :mad:

On top of all the financial and academic business, home life is rough lately. My house is a complete mess, Teagan is teething hardcore, and DH is so distant. He's constantly complaining about how little sex we have. It doesn't help to simply tell him I'm exhausted and need a bit more intimacy than "hey, let's do it real quick". I feel like sex is just one more job I'm failing at, which it shouldn't feel like at all. I'm happier ignoring the issue until things calm down but DH is not.

OK, vent over. Back to pretending I have my life in control. Perhaps I'll feel better if I spend the next ten minutes chucking acorns at undergrads on the mall.

Joined: 11/03/05
Posts: 748

Big hugs Erin,
I know a bit of how you feel. Before Juliet was born, I was completing my BEd. I was working, getting Joseph to daycare, and traveling an hour away for school. It was rough times.

It has not gotten a whole lot better. I got my BEd, but there is no steady work. With the cost of daycare for two kids, I had to give up the little bit of supply work I was getting and go back to my goverment job. It pays good, but I really don't like it. DS is bumbed out that I will be working all summer and he will be stuck at daycare. We can't even consider day camps for him, since they all end at 4:30 or 5, and I work until 5 pm. I could not go get him on time. DH works overnight, and does not drive. Even if he did, we could not aford two cars.

My house is a mess, the floors are sticky and the basement is icky. However, DH has finally realised that if he wants more sex, he has to clean the kitchen while I get the kids to bed. Then he might get a shot at intercourse if it is the right time of the month )or the wrong time for TTC) and the kids don't wake up.

Lets have a pitty party together. I'll bring chocolate cake and ice cream.

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

ahhh :bighug: what is with men and the demanding of sex? DH gets it usually at least once a week and still complains. It really does feel like another job sometimes.

I'm sorry things are so tough right now. i hope they start getting better for you soon

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

I'm sorry Erin. Grad school sucks. And both the adults in your house are in grad school, so it doubly sucks.

What is it with men and sex. As soon as we DTD, like 1-2 days later DH is hounding me again. Seriously, man. Once a week is really all I can handle between school and kids and house stuff. I'm just so TIRED. And he thinks all I need to get in the mood is for him to start hinting about it. I always know what he wants when he starts following me around the house after the kids are in bed.....

ETA: He recently discovered that on my NFP chart, I track when we DTD. He now thinks I keep some sort of "sex record" and checks to see how long it's been. :roll:

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

:bigarmhug: I'm sorry things are rough right now. My DH has been in grad school since we met and its been a big challenge to both our finances and our relationship with only him in school so I can only imagine how much more stressful that must be with both of you in it. I really hope things start looking up for you soon.

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I'm sorry things are tough right now. Hopefully everything works out very soon.

In regards to trying to ignore the feeling like your failing at sex, my words of wisdom are don't, talk it out and explain how you feel, or else you will end up in the same situation as me.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

:grouphug:

That sort of financial stress is hard on any relationship. It really does affect your whole life! You aren't failing at sex, y'all are failing at communication which probably is stemming from the stress from finances and the unknown future. As much as you want to ignore the sex issue, it's probably best to address it. Even if y'all don't come to an understanding at least putting it out on the table as an issue should help.

And can y'alls husbands talk to mine about wanting sex? Cause mine is already afraid of hurting the baby (one would think he'd realize the stupidity of that by now) or tells me that studying is more important than ever having sex. I'm about ready to club him over the head. Is once a week really too much for a man?! :roll:

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

Erin, I hope things get better soon for you. Stress and tension sucks. Hopefully you'll get good news about the 7th today!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

Thanks ladies. I should hear about the 7th by the end of the day. Though there's no telling because professors often like to put off the things they're supposed to do for their students ... like inform them about whether or not they'll be able to eat next year.

I don't ignore the sex issue as much as I ignore my need for it. DH and I talk about it all the time. In fact, I feel like its the only relationship thing we talk about. DH doesn't seem to understand that there's more to maintaining a relationship than sex.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Hope you get good news today!

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

Men's 2 biggest worries in life, sex and how many household chores they have to do. That's my theory at least.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

"redneckgirl82884" wrote:

Men's 2 biggest worries in life, sex and how many household chores they have to do. That's my theory at least.

HA HA! So true at times. My husband told me two days ago that cooking is my job and he's tried of having to do my job some days. :roll:

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Fingers crossed that 7 is your number today. I'm sorry you've had so many no's already, that is always discouraging. Plus it adds extra stress to everyday life. Wally and I were in a similar position after we had Ryland (he made so little & I couldn't get a job) and it seemed like it effected everything. I felt like a total failure at not being able to do what I wanted and it ate into my ego a ton.

Ugh, and the sex thing used to be a big issue too. He ranked it way higher in importance in a relationship than I did. Not that it's not important, just not at the top of my list. Anyway after lots of talking about it I came to see more of his side. Not that there is hourly nookie like he dreams of, but a good compromise. And he knows if he keeps up his end of cleaning and kids then he is more likely to get lucky come night time. But totally, financial stress about the future puts big road blocks in libido, even more than kids do.

Vent away mama! Your in good company :hugs:

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

I hear you loud and clear on financial issues stress!!

:bigarmhug:

I hope you get good news today about that fellowship. I don't know how they could fail to see how hard you work and what a great asset you are. I think it's ridiculous that you would ever have trouble getting a fellowship. I mean, I can see how hard you work just based on your posts (and sometimes lack of posts) here!

We haven't had any DTD here for months, and will likely be months still. I actually have a much higher sex drive than DH, so I don't get hounded very much. However, there are a LOT of quickies where I'd like to run the occasional marathon, IYKWIM. :bigwink:

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

I hope #7 works out for you! That is a lot to deal with, I am sure it'll sort itself out. Everything always hits at once right?

As far as sex goes, my drive is now equal to dh's I think, lol. My dh has always been the kind to put it on the back burner and forget about it for awhile. Now I think I am starting to feel that way too.
Maybe you can bribe him, make him do some of your chores with the promise of great sex at the end of the day! HA!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I guess 7 is my lucky number! I'm funded for another year! :headbang:

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

:thewave:

Woo hoo! Congrats! Biggrin

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

YAY!!!!!! Congrats!

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

:woohoo: Congrats, that's great news!!! I'm so glad it worked out for you!

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Woo Hooo, lucky #7!!!!

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

Woohoo, glad that it came through.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

:lurk:

(although since I know like 90% of you anyway I feel silly putting that)
I literally just sent this article to DH a couple of days ago (who then got mad at me for sending it because his work blocked it and the IT guys see all the blocked attempts...whoops!) But it's still a good article and totally backs up what I say every time we get into that same stupid sex fight. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/13/marriage-sex_n_1422644.html?ref=mostpopular

Believe me, messy house, crabby toddler, and needing-to-reconnect-and-I-don't-mean-between-the-sheets, JEEZ DH situation is so, so normal...I pretty much don't know anyone who couldn't have written your original post with only a few minor detail changes. Which is not to minimize your particular sucky situation but rather just to say: hugs...we've all been there! It's not failing at life, it's just...life. Hope you're feeling a little better about the good financial news, at least!

And I am up for chucking nuts at undergrads anytime, btw. I even have lunch on campus now!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

"cactuswren" wrote:

And I am up for chucking nuts at undergrads anytime, btw. I even have lunch on campus now!

Thanks, Leigh. It really does help a lot to know that its not just our problem. I'll have to find a tactful way to get that article to my DH.

I'm SO glad you're on campus for lunch now. In addition to making time to have lunch with DH at least once per week I'll have to make time for mommy lunch!

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

TFS Leigh! I wonder if that raised any eyebrows from the IT department. Wink

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Good article Leigh! TFS
All the wives of the IT guys are thanking you Smile

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

"jolly11sd" wrote:

Good article Leigh! TFS
All the wives of the IT guys are thanking you Smile

ROFL I hope so!