I need to vent.
I'm having a really ****ty week. Its the end of the semester, which is always stressful but this one has been exceedingly rough. All I want to do is sleep for like a week. I've applied for I think 7 fellowships and was rejected by 6 of them. I should find out about the 7th tomorrow. I just found out this afternoon that the grant I submitted was also rejected. I feel rejected. If I don't get this last fellowship, we're in trouble. DH's funding was just significantly reduced and we won't be able to afford daycare on one tiny grad student stipend. So, I'd have to either drop out and get a job or stay home with Teagan until DH finishes up. I'm so damn grumpy. Much less deserving students are fully funded. I've been dealt a ****ty hand.
On top of all the financial and academic business, home life is rough lately. My house is a complete mess, Teagan is teething hardcore, and DH is so distant. He's constantly complaining about how little sex we have. It doesn't help to simply tell him I'm exhausted and need a bit more intimacy than "hey, let's do it real quick". I feel like sex is just one more job I'm failing at, which it shouldn't feel like at all. I'm happier ignoring the issue until things calm down but DH is not.
OK, vent over. Back to pretending I have my life in control. Perhaps I'll feel better if I spend the next ten minutes chucking acorns at undergrads on the mall.
Big hugs Erin,
I know a bit of how you feel. Before Juliet was born, I was completing my BEd. I was working, getting Joseph to daycare, and traveling an hour away for school. It was rough times.
It has not gotten a whole lot better. I got my BEd, but there is no steady work. With the cost of daycare for two kids, I had to give up the little bit of supply work I was getting and go back to my goverment job. It pays good, but I really don't like it. DS is bumbed out that I will be working all summer and he will be stuck at daycare. We can't even consider day camps for him, since they all end at 4:30 or 5, and I work until 5 pm. I could not go get him on time. DH works overnight, and does not drive. Even if he did, we could not aford two cars.
My house is a mess, the floors are sticky and the basement is icky. However, DH has finally realised that if he wants more sex, he has to clean the kitchen while I get the kids to bed. Then he might get a shot at intercourse if it is the right time of the month )or the wrong time for TTC) and the kids don't wake up.
Lets have a pitty party together. I'll bring chocolate cake and ice cream.
God gave Joseph his sister Juliet on November 19th, 2010.
I'm sorry Erin. Grad school sucks. And both the adults in your house are in grad school, so it doubly sucks.
What is it with men and sex. As soon as we DTD, like 1-2 days later DH is hounding me again. Seriously, man. Once a week is really all I can handle between school and kids and house stuff. I'm just so TIRED. And he thinks all I need to get in the mood is for him to start hinting about it. I always know what he wants when he starts following me around the house after the kids are in bed.....
ETA: He recently discovered that on my NFP chart, I track when we DTD. He now thinks I keep some sort of "sex record" and checks to see how long it's been.
I'm sorry things are rough right now. My DH has been in grad school since we met and its been a big challenge to both our finances and our relationship with only him in school so I can only imagine how much more stressful that must be with both of you in it. I really hope things start looking up for you soon.
I'm sorry things are tough right now. Hopefully everything works out very soon.
In regards to trying to ignore the feeling like your failing at sex, my words of wisdom are don't, talk it out and explain how you feel, or else you will end up in the same situation as me.
That sort of financial stress is hard on any relationship. It really does affect your whole life! You aren't failing at sex, y'all are failing at communication which probably is stemming from the stress from finances and the unknown future. As much as you want to ignore the sex issue, it's probably best to address it. Even if y'all don't come to an understanding at least putting it out on the table as an issue should help.
And can y'alls husbands talk to mine about wanting sex? Cause mine is already afraid of hurting the baby (one would think he'd realize the stupidity of that by now) or tells me that studying is more important than ever having sex. I'm about ready to club him over the head. Is once a week really too much for a man?!
~Jackie, mommy to Aiden (11/2/10) and Zoe (VBAC 11/27/12)
Erin, I hope things get better soon for you. Stress and tension sucks. Hopefully you'll get good news about the 7th today!
Thanks ladies. I should hear about the 7th by the end of the day. Though there's no telling because professors often like to put off the things they're supposed to do for their students ... like inform them about whether or not they'll be able to eat next year.
I don't ignore the sex issue as much as I ignore my need for it. DH and I talk about it all the time. In fact, I feel like its the only relationship thing we talk about. DH doesn't seem to understand that there's more to maintaining a relationship than sex.