Can I vent?... ot Long and Stupid

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laurensmitty1982's picture
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Can I vent?... ot Long and Stupid

So my BIL started to date a girl a year ago, they decided to move into together so my BIL put an offer in on a house in April and he finally closed on it in August. They decided to have a housewarming party.. So they sent out an invite and its in 2 weeks.

Back story, so we went over there a few weeks ago and it felt like it was both of their house but more her house. Which Im not saying is a bad thing, but it was hard to be myself because I was so worried my kids were going to annoy them. My BIL isnt like that but it is her that Im worried about. So I made all my kids stay outside.

Back track after the invite. I wrote her saying that I can make it and hopefully my dh can too but if not I can come for a little bit and Im sure my dh Parents would help me keep an eye on ds, who would be the problem cause he is 3 and likes to run around and do what 3 year olds do. So she wrote back saying, Well can you find a babysister? What about Jessica?

I was like WTF? Are you serious, you want me to find a babysitter for my dh brother housewarming, their housewarming? Whatever!! I wrote her saying well are you inviting Jessica? and she said yes, but they werent going to invite kids because there is going to be drinking! Why wouldnt you put that in the original invite.. Um Adult Housewarming! Hello~

So then I started thinking well is this what housewarmings are? Is it known to not take kids to housewarmings? So I started asking friends and everyone said no, that usually its just like a gettogether with food, BBQ,etc.. Not a drinking party. So I wrote her saying oh well I didnt know what kind of party it was and she wrote me back saying,, well if you cant find a babysitter just bring the kids then..

Its so stupid, why tell me to find a babysitter and then tell me its no big deal if I have to bring them, and to me its just beyond dumb because these are my BIL neices and nephew. Its not like some random kids coming to this. So I told dh and when I told him she said to find a babysitter, if faced changed. He was pissed. He's like well were not going then I guess cause Im not paying a babysitter to go to my brothers house.

So today I go to my MIL house and she asked me if I got an invite and I said yeah but its more like a drinking party and she goes yeah I guess they dont want kids there. So I know she talked to my MIL cause I got the invite in the mail and no where on it does it say Adult only, I hope a shizload of kids come and we stay home and make them feel like ****!

All of Dh family are going to be there and I hope someone goes so wheres the Smiths and I wonder what they will say..

Yes this post is stupid and long but she has already pissed me off 3 times and there not even married. 2 times were because she was being flaky by making plans with us and then canceling last minute and then this. We had plans with them for the past month to go out this Saturday and she text me yesterday saying she is going to cancel because they decided to go up north.. LIsten women, I know you guys are kidless, but guess what were not. I cant go finding babysitters and planning stuff and then ending up having to cancel because of this or that. Its either make them or dont..

Do you think that is weird about the housewarming kidless party and better yet not even inviting your own brothers kids.. Ugggh.. Im annoyed!

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i would be irritated!! asking you to get a babysitter? wtf especially if it were an uncle which he is to your kids right?? i think that is what i got from it:p

I think it's weird to not want kids there but not say anything on the invite about it being an adult party!!! My family is estranged so we don't go to any parties, but on DH's side it is understood that the kids are invited to everything except stag and does, or night time events like bowling or such. Kids come to house warmings, weddings, showers, birthday parties. DH's family drinks in front of little kids all the time so they are used to drunk people. I was told that some might be irritated we arn't having booze at Lucas' party.

she sounds a little flakey

Newlywed630's picture
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I'd be very annoyed too! That is just rude!
At first I was thinking maybe since you mentioned that your dh may not be able to come that she felt bad and wanted you to get a sitter so you could have a little fun and not have to manage all the kids by yourself. but as I read on, that obviously isn't the case. I used to have a pretty stupid SIL, luckily as of a few months ago she is GONE!

HorseMomma's picture
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I'd be fumed. Seems pretty rude to me too!!

jperry5683's picture
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Very poor etiquette on her part for not making things clear. We entertain quite often and always make it clear on the invites whether its adults or family oriented. Shame on her.

jolly11sd's picture
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I would be annoyed too.
I may be totally off here too but we go to and have parties where there is drinking and our kids, as well as others, are there as well. Granted we aren't doing keg stands and getting loaded all afternoon with no one watching the kids. But having 'drinks' responsibly with kids present has never been a problem. I don't think I've even been to a drinking party that has gotten to a point where kids shouldn't be around since I was in college. Plus most people with kids tend to leave around (kid) bedtime anyway and the younger, kidless, guests keep drinking and parting in peace.

Anyway, I'm just saying IMO its a lame excuse for kids not to come to a family party just cause they will be serving drinks.

TiggersMommy's picture
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I think its perfectly fine for a housewarming to be adults only but if it is then that needs to be made clear on the invites. Personally, I think its weird to send out invites for a housewarming. Do people do that? If she says its fine to bring the kids then do it. She can suffer the consequences. Consider it payback for her being so flaky.

TiggersMommy's picture
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"janijanis" wrote:

I was told that some might be irritated we arn't having booze at Lucas' party.

Seriously? I could sort of understand if the party were in the evening but they expect booze at a one year old's afternoon birthday party? That's just bizarre.

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My experience is like Joy's. Granted we've taken DS to parties that we wouldn't necessarily take a 3 year old or older to (like last Friday night), but if we had a kid that wasn't content sleeping in a back carrier we'd have left a lot earlier. How wild can a housewarming get in the couple of hours you'll be there?! lol.

Janice, that's really weird to have booze at a 1 year old birthday party. If we end up doing a BBQ here I'm sure there will be beer (we have a lot of beer that's showed up to our house that we won't drink that we'd love to have disappear!), but that's more because everybody else is child free and we wouldn't be having a typical 1st birthday party.

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they like to drink:lol:

momW's picture
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I'm with Erin and Joy on this one.

The kid free stuff is just becoming a new thing around here, but a housewarming party, really, how wild do those things get anyway. I hear ya about not wanting to bring the 3 year old btw! I like to keep mine contained to my house where he can only re-break stuff.

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I have zero issue with kid free events (I really appreciated those during those years of being fertility challenged), but as long as I know on the front end I have zero issues with it (even if it means I can't attend an event I'd love to go to). I don't know why but I find myself irritated more about her back and forth about this issue. lol

momW's picture
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"alwayssmile" wrote:

I have zero issue with kid free events (I really appreciated those during those years of being fertility challenged), but as long as I know on the front end I have zero issues with it (even if it means I can't attend an event I'd love to go to). I don't know why but I find myself irritated more about her back and forth about this issue. lol

Yeah, it's either an issue or it isn't. If it is, it should've been stated on the invite. I'm a big fan of no kids events, that means I don't have to put up with other people's kids and I get to ditch mine for a (probably) much needed evening away. I think the lack of specificity on the invite and her wishy washy-ness over it would really irritate me. I'm not a beat around the bush kind of person, say what you mean, don't make me de-code it!

laurensmitty1982's picture
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I totally agree with you guys. If the Evite said no kids, or adult only I would of never even got upset. It was afterwards when I emailed that it pissed me off for some reason. I would of showed up with my kids if I never emailed her and looked like an ***..Plus, I guess because its just a housewarming I dont understand why it has to be kidless, and now because I know she doesnt want kids there Im certainly not going to show up with mine even though she said bring them if I cant find a babysitter..

ambie719's picture
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:lurk:

Sorry she wasn't specific in her invite. What time does the party start at? If a party starts later in the evening and the couple hosting it is kidless then to me that says adults only. If its an afternoon thing with food then I feel that is a kid appropriate party. All the housewarmings I've been to have been grown-up only drinking parties, but I haven't been to one in a long time, and they were all childless people at that time.

laurensmitty1982's picture
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Amber I have thought about that too. I think because of growing up in Arizona, we just do things differently and coming to New York, I have found that New Yorkers are a bit more fancy "cough"stuck up"cough".. lol! Pretty sad, but its something that I am slowly learning. I guess I just dont know what is to be expected or not. I still think that if it was me, I would be totally clear in my invite.