discipline?

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jperry5683's picture
Joined: 02/13/10
Posts: 525
discipline?

I know there have been conversations about telling our babies no and removing them from the situation, distracting them, etc..

I would just like to see where everyone is at with discipline. I don't like overusing the word no and will only use it when its a dangerous situation. There have been a few time where he shouldnt be doing something and will just laugh. The distracting him or removing him from the situation only helps temporarily. BTDT moms, does anyone use time outs? at what age did you start? Anything else work?

Also, this is something separate, but what do you do when your child is being inappropriate? I know he doesn't understand what he is doing and is just exploring... but he has found his um... private area... and pulls and tugs...and touches any chance he gets... he is also still nursing and will pull and tug and touch my boobs any chance he gets... he even "talks" to them lol:D he has done this in public too... most of the time I laugh which i know is bad but its funny!

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

Smile Laughing never helps a situation that you don't want repeated. It's incredibly hard, but laughing and freaking out have the same consequence of repeated behavior.

As far as discipline for Clara.....there is none. I remove things that aren't safe and things that she isn't supposed to have from her area. I spend half my day moving her away from the shoes by the entry way (there's no good way to block that off and since she won't actually get hurt, I chose to just redirect) and I just tell her no as I take something away from her, not in a mean voice, just in a matter of fact kind of way. I move her and I replace the shoe with one of her toys. It takes an incredible amount of time to get redirect to "work" but if you put in the time, it has major pay offs in the end. I did the same thing with DS and with every puppy I've house trained, it's worked, but like I said, it's time consuming.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

"jperry5683" wrote:

Also, this is something separate, but what do you do when your child is being inappropriate? I know he doesn't understand what he is doing and is just exploring... but he has found his um... private area... and pulls and tugs...and touches any chance he gets... he is also still nursing and will pull and tug and touch my boobs any chance he gets... he even "talks" to them lol:D he has done this in public too... most of the time I laugh which i know is bad but its funny!

This is something he will have to get over in his own time. Willies are unfortunately always going to be something to play with. It's only really a problem if he does it publicly when he's older. Just let him get on with it until he's old enough to understand that if he wants to play with it then he has to do it privately. Also at this age it's just another body part. He doesn't understand it any more than his toes or fingers. And he will talk and play with your boobies. He loves them. They have been his only source of nourishment for such a long time. Again he's too young to understand and ATM it's just his food, not your boobs. He'll probably still be doing it in a years time but will do it for fun and know he shouldn't. Like PP said, don't laugh or freak out, it just makes them do it more.

And there is no point in disciplining a 10 month old, they don't understand. Right now a firm "no" and taking them away/distracting them is the best thing and laughing should be ignored when they have been naughty. They have no concept of right or wrong really. TO works when you child is more 18 months - 2 years Smile

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

"rubber_da_glove" wrote:

This is something he will have to get over in his own time. Willies are unfortunately always going to be something to play with. It's only really a problem if he does it publicly when he's older. Just let him get on with it until he's old enough to understand that if he wants to play with it then he has to do it privately. Also at this age it's just another body part. He doesn't understand it any more than his toes or fingers. And he will talk and play with your boobies. He loves them. They have been his only source of nourishment for such a long time. Again he's too young to understand and ATM it's just his food, not your boobs. He'll probably still be doing it in a years time but will do it for fun and know he shouldn't. Like PP said, don't laugh or freak out, it just makes them do it more.

I forgot about the playing with the willie part but I completely agree with Sarah about that too. So, ditto what she said. We never made a big deal about DS playing with his and eventually he just got over it. He goes through phases now where it becomes interesting again and we just tell him it's not appropriate to play with it in public just like it's not appropriate for him to pick his nose in public. It's something you do in private. And then we move on. Boys will go through all kinds of lovely stages. I remember the first time DS played with his willie long enough that it got hard, he was so proud of himself. I had to get DH to finish that bath cause it grossed me out too much, but I worked really hard at not showing any emotions about it.

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

i spend my day taking him away from stuff and distracting him as well. A lot of times if he has something i don't want him to, like wires i say "thank you" as i am taking them from him instead of no. as for tugging on himself, he only does it in the bathtub right now, but i just ignore it. When he gets older and understands better i will tell him that he should only be doing that in private.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I already find myself saying "no-no" more than I want. It's not that I use it a lot; I just find it tumbling out of my mouth before I realize it 3-4 times a day! I've just started on reading Positive Discipline and Sears' The Discipline Book when I have downtime during the day. I'm hoping they'll give me ideas so that "no-no" isn't the first thing out of my mouth when Aiden starts playing with our DVR and receiver yet again. For the most part I just make sure things he shouldn't be into are out of his reach and try to distract him. Aiden doesn't like to be distracted, but sometimes it works really well.
One thing I can guarantee is that I will not parent like my parents. They spanked (and threatened to spank). It did not teach me to not do stuff. Spanking taught me not to get caught. Not quite what they wanted! lol
I just ignore Aiden when he plays with himself. During diaper changes I'll say things like "Hey silly man, can you move your hands so I can put your diaper on?" I don't want to make a big deal of it because to me it's not inappropriate. Just inappropriate for out in public. Which he's way too young to get.
Playing with my boobs is a part of nursing behavior. I don't mind him grasping and basically massaging the boob he's eating from. It's actually helpful for your milk. But when he tries to play with the other one, I try to distract with something else or I hold his hand. It mostly works. If Aiden talks to my boobs, I assume he's done. I ask him if he's all done. He knows those words mean get down to business or they're going bye-bye!

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

The only time I will use no with Natalie is when she is playing with cords from the fan or if she found something and I see her, and I say no dont put that in your mouth. I will wait to see what she does and she usually just stares at it then I take it away. A child and infants enviroment should be free to explore and crawl around and basically have things that he or she is aloud to touch but there are going to be sometimes when everyday activities will require the use of the word no. It is better to have things put up and away that they are not aloud to have while there young even if it is an inconvience for you.

I dont think I started using time out until ds was around 2, or that was at least when he would sit there.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

"momW" wrote:

I remember the first time DS played with his willie long enough that it got hard, he was so proud of himself. I had to get DH to finish that bath cause it grossed me out too much, but I worked really hard at not showing any emotions about it.

When DS1 was first potty trainiing he spent 99% of his time with his hands in his underwear and one dinner time exclaimed "look mummy, willy REALLY big" :rolleyes: I just said "that's nice but don't touch it while you eating dinner" and he's left it alone since Lol

Actually he spends a lot of time picking at his bum hole now...*sigh* I say "finger out your bum" way more than I thought I would ever have to ROFL

jperry5683's picture
Joined: 02/13/10
Posts: 525

He has free range of most of the house that is safe. There are a few electrical situations that are unavoidable and he also loves to climb. Climbing becomes an issue with the stone fireplace.

As far as touching himself i guess just treating it casually like u all mentioned. Its not really inappropiate to me it just catches me off guard. All boys even men just have a fascination with them i guess Smile boys are awedome. the talking to my boobs thing is just an issue in public. Some people just dont understand i guess and i get the looks.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

"rubber_da_glove" wrote:

Actually he spends a lot of time picking at his bum hole now...*sigh* I say "finger out your bum" way more than I thought I would ever have to ROFL

Glad to have the warning now. Never would have thought this could be an issue! lol.

PeanutGirl's picture
Joined: 10/26/08
Posts: 345

"rubber_da_glove" wrote:

This is something he will have to get over in his own time. Willies are unfortunately always going to be something to play with. It's only really a problem if he does it publicly when he's older. Just let him get on with it until he's old enough to understand that if he wants to play with it then he has to do it privately. Also at this age it's just another body part. He doesn't understand it any more than his toes or fingers. And he will talk and play with your boobies. He loves them. They have been his only source of nourishment for such a long time. Again he's too young to understand and ATM it's just his food, not your boobs. He'll probably still be doing it in a years time but will do it for fun and know he shouldn't. Like PP said, don't laugh or freak out, it just makes them do it more.

And there is no point in disciplining a 10 month old, they don't understand. Right now a firm "no" and taking them away/distracting them is the best thing and laughing should be ignored when they have been naughty. They have no concept of right or wrong really. TO works when you child is more 18 months - 2 years Smile

I agree. And I'll just add that you'll just 'know' when your child is knowingly doing something and will get something out of discipline such as a time out. It was closer to 2 years for DD1, for me.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

"jperry5683" wrote:

As far as touching himself i guess just treating it casually like u all mentioned. Its not really inappropiate to me it just catches me off guard. All boys even men just have a fascination with them i guess Smile boys are awedome. the talking to my boobs thing is just an issue in public. Some people just dont understand i guess and i get the looks.

I approach it with the mindset that my boobs are his first toys, and his penis is just another toy to him. lol.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

"jperry5683" wrote:

Some people just dont understand i guess and i get the looks.

That's their problem not yours Smile

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

"rubber_da_glove" wrote:

Actually he spends a lot of time picking at his bum hole now...*sigh* I say "finger out your bum" way more than I thought I would ever have to ROFL

Oh man, that is our house right now too. "Grady, get your finger out of your butt!" is a sentence I didn't think would ever be so dominant in my house! Lol

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I've started reading books now to help DH and I form our plan of attack for when real discipline is necessary. I'm expecting that to happen somewhere around 18m-2 years, like Sarah said. Right now I'm reading Nuture Shock. Its not a parenting book by any means as it doesn't give "advice." Rather it sites recent studies in child psychology and behavior so that you can understand why your child does what they do and lets you form your own opinion on what to do about it.

Our current approach is to try to limit the use of the word "No." Its reserved for *special* circumstances. Our house is pretty well baby proofed so there's little for her to get into that requires a "no". If she's gotten into something I'll calmly tell her "please don't put that in your mouth"/""please put that cord down". I've also used the "Can I have that please? Thank You!" to get things out of her hands without her freaking out. It makes her happy to have pleased me by handing over her Daddy's gadgets.

Teagan reaches for her lady parts when I'm changing her diaper. I only stop her when she's covered in poo. I ask her to please keep her hands out of her diaper and then hand her a toy. Kids are going to explore their bodies. I think its best to act like its no big deal (IMO it isn't) so that they don't become fixated on doing it all the time because its "naughty." As for my boobs, they're pretty much her boobs for now. She doesn't really grab at them too much in public. I only have a problem with it if she's pulling my shirt down. When she does that I just redirect her efforts or let her hang on a part of my shirt that won't reveal the tatas. She does play with my other boob when she's nursing. It kinda drives me nuts. I just hold her hand or cover my poor abused booby with my hand.

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Like others said, time out are not really effective until age 2 or older. Redirecting and helping them understand cause and effect of an action are sometimes better. Even showing your emotion that you don't like something they are doing is helpful IMO. With both boy, at this age, we say thing like "that's a no touch", "ouch, danger", or "I don't like that, it hurts". All various ways of getting across the idea of 'no' without saying it and also giving meaning to the 'no' in some instances.

I swear boys will play with their parts forever. My 6 year old still does it too. Once he could be verbal about his boy parts we let him know that even though they were wonderful and glorious, they were his and private. That mean part only for him to touch and mom/dad to help care for. And definatly not something we talked about or played with outside of the house. Around age 4 we also had to teach him that private talk/exploration was also off limits when guest were over.