Feeling blessed, but brokenhearted.

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AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033
Feeling blessed, but brokenhearted.

I have a young cousin that got married last year at age 16 (she wasn't pregnant at the time). She got pregnant and was very sick the entire pregnancy, and even hospitalized for dehydration several times. She also had some issues because of a heart-shaped uterus I've heard about this before in relation to infertility, but don't know overly much about what that means for an already pregnant woman.

So last week she was helicoptered to a big hospital to deliver her baby 5 weeks early. She delivered a very small baby girl (under 4 pounds) and has now been told her baby has Down's. She will be 17 years old in May, and was told she is unlikely to ever be able to deliver a healthy baby. My heart is aching for her. They wanted this baby desperately and we come from a culture of large families.

I don't know what all this means to her right now, but my mom told my that my cousin has been hysterical and inconsolable. My aunt is also taking it pretty hard. On top of it all I have some incredibly, unbelievably stupid relatives who (I guess thought it would help! :violent1:) told her that it might be better if the baby didn't live! UNREAL!

Anyway, my heart breaks for her, but at the same time I can't help but feel so grateful and lucky to have such a beautiful, healthy baby.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Maybe you can find resources and stories of hope and good about Downs children. When she's ready to hear it, you could help her out that way. Ive heard so many positives. But I know she's got to be devastated.

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

That is heartbreaking. Anyone who suggests to her that her baby might be better off if she wasn't alive should be slapped (or worse), seriously. Downs syndrome is an adjustment, but not a death sentence. People with down syndrome tend to be very sweet, loving, and empathetic. Yes, it will require more work on her part to raise her baby, but she will just find a new normal for her family. She should contact Help Me Grow (it should be a free service) in her county immediately, they will give her needed resources, especially when her baby is older and starting to get more mobile/vocal. The sooner she can start though, the better. And she should look into signing with her baby. If you haven't got her a baby gift yet, maybe a few DVDs of Baby Signing Time would be great.

She needs to grieve for what she's lost first, then it will be time to move forward and throw herself into giving her baby the best opportunities she can provide. Love, of course, is most important, and it sounds like this sweet little baby will have plenty of it. Smile Family support is important, too.

It is hard for a girl so young to have to deal with, but she can do it.

What is baby girl's name?

HorseMomma's picture
Joined: 06/29/04
Posts: 858

Oh, I am so glad she and the baby are OK!!!
I CAN"T BELIEVE people would say that about that precious baby!!!
I know it would be more challenging...but still a precious life!! I agree...downs children/adults are wonderful, loving, caring...and sensitive people:0)
((HUGS)) and prayers for her and her family!!!!

Vstarr's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 895

"BuckeyeK" wrote:

That is heartbreaking. Anyone who suggests to her that her baby might be better off if she wasn't alive should be slapped (or worse), seriously. Downs syndrome is an adjustment, but not a death sentence.


My heart goes out to your cousin and her baby girl. She definitely needs all the (positive!) support she can get right now. I hope she can get through this okay and be able to concentrate on the precious, beautiful life that she has to take care of now.

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

Im sorry she is having to deal with this at such a young age but she is blessed to have a baby even is she has down syndrome. Ive been following a blog that tells a story of a young mother who gave birth to a dd with DS. It tells how in the beginning she felt such pain and sorrow but after she dealt with feelings she feels so lucky to have a dd with DS. Maybe you can read it and share info with her.


AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

[LEFT]The baby was born 5 weeks early and weighs less that 4 pounds. She had been having issues already and a very complicated pregnancy. She was also emergency flighted during her labor to another hospital.

I don't know all the specifics yet, but the Down's isn't the only issue is the impression I'm getting. Do they put Down's babies in the NICU automatically?

I don't know baby girl's name yet. My cousin's name is Susie. I will be praying for her, of course. She's in Kansas, and I really wish there was more I could do to help her.[/LEFT]

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

They will put her in the NICU anyways since she is under 4lbs most likely. My dd was born at 4lbs and she was in the NICU for a week even though she had no problems breathing..

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527


jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

That is a lot for anyone and I can imagine even more for a mommy that is so young. I'm so sorry that she had such a rough pregnancy and that relatives are so insensative with their words to her. The nerve of people to say such things blows me away. I hope the health of her LO is ok and that she will rapidly gain some weight. After all the fog clears, both mommy and baby will be blessed to have each other.