For a few split seconds....

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laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117
For a few split seconds....

I actually think about having a 4th child, but then I get back to reality and say heck no.. But in all seriousness me and dh are not in agreement about this subject. He wants just one more and I say just be happy with the 3 you have.

The main issue is birth control. I hate being on it, so Im going for the cervical cap shortly but I dont want to have to take any birth control so I telling him to get snipped. He says not until we have a 4th child. Like he will not do it until we have a 4th child.. So annoying. So I am now slipping.. LOL! Thinking well maybe in like 2 years I will decide if I want another baby.. Im just hoping that he will or I will change one of our minds for the future. I would like to start a career and kinda move on to the next phase but he is still in baby mode...

Anyone want to make me feel better? LOL I mean how do you really know your done if your spouse doesnt?

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

That is hard when you are not on the same page. I don't really know the answer to that exactly. I think you will know when you are done though, really in your heart. You really have to talk it out with him though and let him know your side of it and how it makes you feel. Maybe he will be more open to the picture of having your family complete at 5.

Like right now I just can't imagine my family is complete at 5. I really really want to have that 4th child and then I 'know' we will be done. It just seems like someone is missing. But I totally feel you on wanting to move on to the next phase also, just not yet. Once number for is here then I will be really looking foward to leaving my childbearing years and embracing that next part of family life with maturing kids. For me, the feeling about our family now and not being ready for the next phase is how I know. DH feels the same though he is more aprehensive (sp?) since #3 has just barely arrived.

butterflykissesx6's picture
Joined: 06/28/07
Posts: 509

Girl.....what the heck! lol This is definately tough, I gave in to Chris for Miranda and the Delaney, that was my moment of weakness. Hahaha you are still young, if there is a glimmer of wanting another don't do anything permanent. Btw, Greg just wants another boy, trust me....its not a good enough reason to keep having more.....(speaking from experience here) hahaha

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

lol!! I am in the same boat only the other way around. I want another (maybe!) one day and dh doesn't and is completely done! Honestly it is looking more and more like we are done, but I still have that nagging feeling...

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

If one spouse says no then no kids right then IMO. However, I wouldn't do anything permanent while one spouse is so determined. You never know if your mind or his mind will change over the next 1-3 years. Sounds like to me that you're not 100% sold on no more kids. Wink Maybe you will be 100% sold on no kids one day, but that day doesn't seem to be today. But I definitely wouldn't TTC or anything unless you're comfortable and wanting that next kid. Such a tricky situation. If it makes you feel better, there's a similar thread over on my military wife forum and at least 15 ladies have said they've fun into this situation and there's no magical answer.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I say the magic answer is to wait and see. Don't do anything permanent or TCC until you're both 100% on board. DH and I are both sold on two but I'm asking him to wait until he's 40 to get the big V (he's turning 33 next week). Its not that I necessarily think I'm going to want to beg him for a third. I just want that option to be there JIK. I figure if we haven't needed his sperm for anything by the time he's 40 its OK to get snipped because I'd look for a younger source of sperm by that point if it were a true emergency. I guess that's an odd way of thinking about it but that's my logic. Wink Besides, my IUD is working plenty fine so its not like we have to worry about birth control right now. I plan to just get another one after number 2.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

I agree that if either partner is not 100% either way then don't do anything permanent (that includes surgery AND babies). These are big, life changing decisions, and you never know what the future might hold.

Personally, if we decide on a #2 then DH will get snipped immediately thereafter since we are both 150% sure we do NOT want more than 2. But until then, we'll keep our options open.

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

It's really hard to know when you're done. We thought we'd be 100% done after 2. Then when Lainey was born I just had this sense that we weren't complete. I still don't know what we're going to do. Some days I want another baby so bad, other days I am so content with the 2 we have. DH goes back and forth, too, but not to the extremes that I do. I wish we had some sense of finality either way that would make the decision easy.

I agree with the others, just don't do anything permenent. One or the other of you may change your minds!

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

"BuckeyeK" wrote:

Some days I want another baby so bad, other days I am so content with the 2 we have. . . .I wish we had some sense of finality either way that would make the decision easy.

I agree with the others, just don't do anything permenent. One or the other of you may change your minds!

Ditto this.

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

We are in the opposite boat here. I want another (after the currently baking baby is here) but DH is absolutely and completely done. He is getting the big V after this baby. I understand his reasoning, not that I'm 100% okay with it but this is something he is adamant about and you guys know my DH rarely puts his foot down to me about anything so I'm sure there's not much left for me to do at this point other than accept it and move on.

I agree that there's really no right answer to this question. I'd agree with the girls above that you shouldn't do anything permanent one way or the other until you're both on the same page but sometimes that just doesn't happen and one person compromises. Good luck!

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

I'm in the same but opposite boat. DH is done and I want one more. I do think DH would eventually come round to the idea though. I don't want a baby yet. There is too much going on in life right now lol. My ideal time scale will be when Tobey is 3. We are trying to move right now so I think when we have more of an idea what is going on with that (we have only been on the market 3 weeks) and we are settled we will discuss our options more seriously Smile

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

I think going from 2 to 3 is still in the normal range, but going from 3 to 4 omg.. I will get looks and lectures from people in my life..You are guys are right, I just have to wait it out.. I hate being on BCP though.. Sucks big time. I decided to get on the low hormone pill in April and I had my period for like 3 weeks. I stopped taking it.. It makes me feel crazy and not myself.