Go the F*%$ to sleep

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TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
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Go the F*%$ to sleep

So remember how I posted that Teagan put herself to sleep that one night. Yeah. The past two nights its taken over an hours and a half for her to fall asleep. 45 minutes used to be long. 1.5 hours is unacceptable. How do you put your LO down for the night? Have to had to work to get him/her to go the F% to sleep on their own? What did you do?

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

Ooh, yuck. I'm (clearly) no expert on sleep, but we NORMALLY get her down within about 15-20 minutes these days (that's from lights out). We alternate nights, but here's my routine:

-Daddy cleans her up, brushes teeth, puts pjs on, fills up water, etc.
-I read 3 books, the last one always being a "good night" book (Goodnight Moon, Time for Bed, etc.)
-I turn off the light and sit next to her bed on the floor and sing 4-5 lullabies. About 60% of the time, she's asleep by the time I finish. Otherwise, I stop, and she'll say "Mommy, sing!" and I'll say "Shhhhhhh" and repeat this until she falls asleep. That's maybe another 35% of the time. Sometimes she makes me hold her hand until she falls asleep, which is fine.

The only difference when we switch roles is that instead of singing, DH will quietly tell her made up stories with the lights out.

The other 5% are the GO THE F#*&$^ TO SLEEP nights. I hate them. I loathe them. On those, I get fed up after sitting in the dark listening to her thrash around forever, and leave the room while she's still awake. Half the time, I get out, she cries, I go "SHHHHHH" through a crack in the door, and she actually does. Sometimes this requires repeating a couple of times, but eventually she falls asleep. The other half of the time, she just freaks out if I leave, and I end up HAVING to sit in there until she falls asleep. I think 1 1/2 hours is probably the worst it's ever been, but that is AWFUL. Once or twice I've just laid down on the floor and fallen asleep myself, occasionally waking to go "SHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" when she starts talking to me.

I really, really hate those nights. But, if there's a silver lining, it's that they've proven to be just as unpredictable as the easy "omg she let me leave the room AWAKE!" nights, meaning it's probably not your new normal. Just a terrible, terrible blip.

I sure hope so, for your sake!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

DH and I alternate rolls each night. We do potty, teethbrushing, PJs, 5-10 books, then call the other parent to come in and put her down. DH lays there and pats her. I nurse her to sleep. Around minute 45 last night, all I could think was "OMG, I'm never getting out of here! Who gave my child caffeine?!"

I'm thinking of trying having DH put her down for awhile until she's going to bed on her own. I've read methods that involve gradually getting further and further from her until he's outside the room whispering to her. Maybe we'll try that over the course of a few weeks?

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

I've heard that too. We actually had a stretch there where we were able to leave with her awake a lot, and then somehow we totally backslid. I don't mind waiting with her as long as she's falling asleep within a reasonable amount of time, though. But it does make it so I never want to leave her with anyone else for bedtime, because I either don't trust them to wait with her (MIL) or I don't want to make them have to (My mom, babysitters)

I think having DH do it so you get her off the nursing to sleep thing for good is not a bad plan. There's just NO WAY to extricate yourself from nursing.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
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Last night I got so fed up with her nursing and picking at my chest that I sat up and told her "NO more booby. Go to bed." She actually just accepted it and then insisted I pat her back like DH does. Stunned me for sure. She's much more attached to nursing in the morning than nursing to bed. I really don't mind it. Like you said, if it takes less than 20 minutes. Its the endless nursing that really gets to me. I'd never really tried just popping her off and telling her to go to sleep until last night.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
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Hm. Well maybe that's a good place to start, then? I always used to do that. I couldn't handle nursing for more than like ten minutes or fifteen minutes, max.

KittyRN's picture
Joined: 02/03/09
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How long does she nap during the day? Simon has one nap, 2 hours max. By bedtime hes exhausted. I just put him down and he sleeps. BUT if he's not ready like he had a late nap, it does take forever.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
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She naps 2-3 hours per day. I have no control over it because its at daycare 5 days per week.

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
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Wow, I think I might die. That is ridiculous, and hopefully a short lived phase.

I'm very strict about bedtime. 9pm. So every day at 9pm I gather her up and we go brush our teeth (she loves to brush her teeth so it's not hard), then we get her in her night diaper and I tell her it's night night time. She usually goes in there and climbs into bed herself with her water sippy. I put her blanket over her and give her a hug, a kiss and a high 5 and leave, shutting the door behind me. That's it. That's all she wrote. Most of the time it's enough and she'll just lay there and roll around a while and then fall asleep. Sometimes she gets out of bed and plays for a bit. Rarely, she'll yell under the door for a minute but then she always gets back in her bed eventually and goes to sleep. She knows that unless the house is on fire, nobody is going to be coming in there.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
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How did you manage that, Anna?

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
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Bedtime takes an hour here, on a good night, for a long time 2-3 hours was the normal. so I am the worst person for advice

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
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Wow, you win the awesome bedtime award, Anna. Jealous!!

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
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Oh Leigh, You don't even know! Do not be jealous. There was a period of about 6 months where every. single. night bedtime involved hours of screaming at the top of her lungs in her crib. The she learned out to climb out of her crib and and her toddler bed didn't work because she wouldn't stay in there and then she'd get out and scream and cry so we went back to the crib. . . it goes on and on in an endless nightmare.

I think it finally leveled off because our life, for the most part, is like grounhog day. It the exact same thing every day. As she got older, I just kept sticking with the same routine and then it got to where I'd leave the room and she's cry for 2 minutes max. Well when that happened I stopped going back in there to comfort her. Then it slowly started getting to where she'd just scream-cry until I shut the door behind me and she'd roll a while and then go to sleep (Somewhere in there we bought a video monitor because I was concerned about leaving her in there and wanted to see if she was about to harm herself somehow). I don't really know how it exactly happened, but I do know that I am very grateful now that it did and that 99% of the time, it's pretty easy to get her down for the night.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
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Ground Hogs day is such a great way to describe my home life. I'm stealing that. You deserve to have the best bed time routine, Anna!

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
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Yeah, wow--you definitely earned that!!! I will just be happy for you.

But I also hope to join you there someday.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I put Aiden in his night diaper and PJs. DH picks him up and I ask for kisses. He blows me kisses. They walk upstairs. Aiden brushes his teeth and then insists on picking up his toys and books to delay bedtime (can't complain about that! lol). Afterwards Aiden picks out a book or if if he's being difficult DH picks out a book. They rock and read. Then DH tells Aiden to go get in bed. Aiden usually does quiet happily while DH turns on his music (same playlist he listened to as a baby that plays for an hour). He helps Aiden pull up his blanket. He turns out the light and leaves. Most nights Aiden gets up, turns on his light, and goes through books (he doesn't have many toys in there). If he tries to leave we can hear him opening the door and we just yell up the stairs "go back to bed Aiden!" He'll shut the door and keep playing. lol. Eventually he decides to curl up on the floor, though more and more he's putting himself back to bed. There's no screaming or arguing, so I'm okay with this. When I go to bed, I peek in on him and turn off his light. As long as he's not in the glider, I leave him wherever he passed out.

I started putting Aiden down groggy but awake last summer for naps. Once we got through the awful, awful night sleep crap last August and September DH started slowly putting him down more and more awake. We're not very patient people at night. lol

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
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I would not care at all if she played in her room happily. But she FREEEEEEEEEEEAKS OUT. Like zero to sixty "Mommy? MOMMY? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" most of the time.

I have been thinking of trying a lullaby or classical music CD though. I think she might like that--they listen to music while going down for nap at school, so it wouldn't be weird to her, and I (hopefully) wouldn't have to stay in the room for it...hmmm....

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Ryland was just how Anna described Lyla. Kiss, goodnight, door shut and done. He still is that way and I love it. Odin was like T was. It was up to 1.5 hours just before Archer was born and I was loosing my mind!!!! Had DH take over completely and cut out the to bed boobie time and its been way better for almost the last 6 months. He tells me that he has Daddy Nana (nursing) time when they sit in the nursing chair and read before bed ROFL

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
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"jolly11sd" wrote:

He tells me that he has Daddy Nana (nursing) time when they sit in the nursing chair and read before bed ROFL

Lol That might be the cutest thing I've ever heard.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
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Too cute Joy! Lol

Joined: 06/22/10
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"AnnaRO" wrote:

Wow, I think I might die. That is ridiculous, and hopefully a short lived phase.

I'm very strict about bedtime. 9pm. So every day at 9pm I gather her up and we go brush our teeth (she loves to brush her teeth so it's not hard), then we get her in her night diaper and I tell her it's night night time. She usually goes in there and climbs into bed herself with her water sippy. I put her blanket over her and give her a hug, a kiss and a high 5 and leave, shutting the door behind me. That's it. That's all she wrote. Most of the time it's enough and she'll just lay there and roll around a while and then fall asleep. Sometimes she gets out of bed and plays for a bit. Rarely, she'll yell under the door for a minute but then she always gets back in her bed eventually and goes to sleep. She knows that unless the house is on fire, nobody is going to be coming in there.

this is pretty similar to ours except we are not strict about what time he goes to bed. During the week, he goes down between 7-8 depending on how cranky he is. On weekends he goes down between 8-9. I change his diaper and put his pajamas on, or DH gives him a bath depending on what night it is. He brushes he teeth, we read a story, usually little critter because this kid is obsessed with the little critter collection and won't sit still for any other story. Then I hold him and just rock him in the dark for a minute or two to relax him, give a kiss and put him down. Sometimes he rolls over and goes to sleep, sometimes he will talk to himself for a half hour or so, and on very rare occasions he freaks out. When he freaks out I know something must be wrong or he needs something because it almost never happens. Before he was a year old we would go through phases where this would last a week or so. We had the periods where he would wake up in the night screaming for 2 hours. it wasn't fun Sad

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

Our bedtime routine is jammies, story time, then I give her a bottle and rock her in the dark. Once the bottle is done, I put her in her crib and close the door. She may talk or fuss a bit, but unless she is really freaking out, I won't go back in and if I do go back in, I won't stay very long unless there is clearly something wrong like she is sick or something. The routine shortened considerably when we switched from nursing to the bottle at around 16 months-when she was still nursing she would nurse and thrash around forever and it would get pretty tiring. But she has been a very easy kid sleep-wise for which I am grateful.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

we have some nights where we leave the room and they talk for a bit and then go to bed. Other nights Olivia goes to bed and Ethan is up for hours (like tonight, just fell asleep 1hr45minutes later). Some nights Ethan falls right asleep and Olivia is up for forever or starts screaming. Those are the worst!

Routine is: bath, pj's, vitamin, teeth brushing, books (moved this to the couch recently due to fighting over laps), water, lights out, singing, hugs/kisses then we leave. All together about 45 minutes, but a lot of that is bath and books.

I wish both my kids slept better. Ethan has major trouble falling asleep most nights and Olivia won't stay asleep. It's exhausting!

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

Bedtime is a cinch here. Clara is the easiest out of the two middle kids. DH does bedtime with them. He gets her dressed, they say prayers, give kisses and drops her in bed. I would pull my hair out if we had to jump through hoops for bedtime.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
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I hate to brag Smile but he has a wash, goes in his PJ's. Then story, kiss and I leave. Then he goes to sleep. Usually takes about an hour as he plays with his teddies but he's been putting himself to sleep at bed time for about 15 months, when he went off his bed time boobie really.

He's sleeping with DS1 in the same room at the mo (due to a burst pipe in his room) and for a few nights him and DS1 were playing until late but DS1 is really tired most nights and just goes straight to sleep so Tobey has no one to play with

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

YOU GUYS TOTALLY INSPIRED ME. Last night I did my thing--books, four lullabies--and she was still rolling around WIDE AWAKE. It was either try something new or eat my dinner at 10:00pm...so I left. She cried. I opened the door a crack and shushed her, and left again. It was silent for like ten minutes, and then she started crying for me, and it was escalating, so I went in, told her she needed to relax, think of something nice to dream about, and I'd see her in the morning. I gave her a kiss, left, shushed through the crack once...and that was it! I went out and started eating dinner and never heard another peep!

AND SHE STTN AGAIN!!!!!!! She fussed a little at some point, but not enough for me to even look at the clock, and then woke up for the day two minutes before our alarm. THAT'S THREE DAYS THIS WEEK. I am starting to get spoiled over here...:D

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
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WOO HOO!!!

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
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Erin we've went through those phases a couple of times with Madison this year. It takes her about a week or two to straighten back out her night time routine. I still stick to it but it's not easy. I go nuts after the 2nd night of dealing with it. BUT it will go away at some point.

Our routine: 8pm, bath/shower, then Pj's, blankie and "mine." And then I sit on the couch with her and get comfy while we watch tv (ban me if you wish but we've been doing this same thing since 3months old and IT WORKS for us). Then within 10-15 she's out. I give her another 10 min to get good and asleep then put her in her crib with her rain noise and projector on the ceiling. And she STTN 98% of the time.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

That's how my husband gets Aiden to take naps for him - sits him in his lap with a blanket on the couch and they watch TV. Lol
I honestly didn't mind when he was sick and I was sick, but right now? I can't move the kid to his room up the stairs and I need him upstairs or else I can't do anything other than sit on the couch his whole nap!

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

No judgment here, there's just no way Adair would fall asleep in front of the tv. She's way too engaged with it--even if we watch adult shows, she watches too and comments excitedly on what's happening. "Sheep! Man walking! What's he doing? Boo-boo! Doctor fix it?" (she really likes Doc Martin, lol!)

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

Glad I'm not the only one, thanks guys.
Right now one of her fave things to watch is football. She'll yell "go go go, ouch" haha

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
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I'm trying to teach DH to at least pick something appropriate on TV. Sunday he had Aiden watching some movie with lots of sword fighting. Aiden found the first stick he could afterwards and decided it was a sword. And mommy needed slaying. Did not go over well. Blum 3

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

Oh dear! Yeah, that's why she watches Doc Martin...it's our "family friendly" show for those nights when we watch tv on the early side--that or baseball, but she gets bored with baseball. Usually we wait until she's in bed but not always.

KittyRN's picture
Joined: 02/03/09
Posts: 1260

Simon thinks every stick is a sword. But he doesnt attack us, he wants to knight us (I showed him one to time to redirect the killing! LOL!!) He does still try to stab his toys though. I guess it's just a boy thing.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

"alwayssmile" wrote:

That's how my husband gets Aiden to take naps for him - sits him in his lap with a blanket on the couch and they watch TV. Lol
I honestly didn't mind when he was sick and I was sick, but right now? I can't move the kid to his room up the stairs and I need him upstairs or else I can't do anything other than sit on the couch his whole nap!

This is how I got DS1 to nap when he decided he wanted to stop napping but still needed a nap. Only thing was Tobey was about 4 months old so I had to stop pretty quick and just gave up on the napping idea.

Also, on your other subject, everything in my house is a gun or a sword. I'm used to it now. (and I mean anything is a gun...a sandwich with a bite out of the corner, mashed potato moved about a bit, peas are good guys and corn are good guys, pencils, sticks, dried flowers, keys etc etc. He's asked for Lego for Christmas, I can imagine what the first thing he makes is...)

Vstarr's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 895

Oh Erin, I hate to tell you this, but this age is easy. Just wait until they are 3! Wink

Seriously, Lucas - diaper change, jammies, brush teeth, maybe stories, maybe not depending on how late it is, kiss Sissy, then lay him in the crib and walk out the door. 15 min tops and he is usually asleep within minutes. If not, at least he is fairly quiet until he does fall asleep.

3 yr old - Needs to watch just 1 more TV show. Then 1 more. Throws fit when I say no. Has to go potty 3 times. Has to change Barbie into her jammies too and put her to bed. Needs another cup of milk, wants colder water, throws another fit just for good measure. 5 stories and 20 hugs and kisses later I think I'm out the door but NOPE, her feet are cold and she HAS to have socks on (even though it's like 90 degrees out). And oh yeah, HAS to go potty 1 more time. 1 - 2 hrs?

And she USED to go to bed just as easily as Lucas, even when I moved her to the toddler bed. Then she turned 3. Omg I hope 4 is better!!

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

Yeah, my SILs kids are like that too. It didn't get easier until she started letting them listen to audiobooks while falling asleep--now they stay in their rooms (mostly) but still don't always STTN. They are 3, 5, and 7. Sorry.

Addy was awful last night for DH and made him stay in there holding her hand until she fell asleep (SCREAMED bloody murder whenever he tried to leave--although really the whole thing only took about 20 minutes, she just didn't want to be alone) and then she woke up at 3:00am screaming for him--I went in and had to pat her back down again. Only took 5 minutes but she was really revved up when I went in--worst in a while. Then she got up for the day at 5:25. That's not too bad, for her.

Baby steps! I think we'll just keep TRYING to leave while she's awake, and hopefully it'll become the new normal soon enough. We'll see.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

My 3 year old isn't too bad yet. I think it helps that we just don't deviate from bedtime routine. And that he's in a pull up for overnight - he thinks it's funny to pee in them. *groan*

Last night they were asleep in 15 minutes and slept through. Want to bet it's a nightmare tonight?!

KittyRN's picture
Joined: 02/03/09
Posts: 1260

Since Addy has such great verbal skills and seems to understand alot, I wonder if you could tell her to lie down and you'll be back in x minutes to check on her. Then of course do check on her at those intervals. But make them longer each night. Maybe she just doesnt like the idea of being alone but if she knows you'll come back may fall asleep faster if shes not worrying??? Just a thought.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

hmmm....that's an interesting thought...I like where you're going with that, but I guess I'm just worried about going back in and reawakening the beast if she IS falling asleep, you know? Hm. I'm going to think about this.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

In the middle of a bedtime from H-E-L-L. Tagged out before I lost my mind. Will probably have to go back in at some point. :banghead:

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

"cactuswren" wrote:

In the middle of a bedtime from H-E-L-L. Tagged out before I lost my mind. Will probably have to go back in at some point. :banghead:

:bigarmhug: hang in there!

we're in the midst of getting Noah to go to sleep easier, he gets REALLY tired at night and fights it so hard and just cries so hard, breaks my heart!

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Hope y'all both survived the night intact!

Mine played as usually for 45 minutes after being put down by DH. And when he was done playing? Turned off the light and put himself to bed. Lol I feel like he's finally made up for the getting up 13 times a night he was doing a year ago.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

She finally went to sleep around 9:30 (so, an hour and a half) and we just went straight to bed we were both so annoyed and exhausted. It was an awesome Saturday night, let me tell you! She did STTN but then she woke up at 4:40am and was UP. UP UP UP UP EVERYONE BE AWAKE NOW I'M UP.

It has been a rough morning.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I think we've discovered what equals easy bedtime. Early naps. T's been going down so easily when she naps from like 10:30-12:30 on weekends. Too bad we can't convince daycare to pick up that routine.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

Yeah, I think that was our main problem--Addy napped from like 2:30-5:15 yesterday (because my family is incapable of holding events within a given time frame--I told my mom we absolutely, no question, had to leave by 12:30. We started eating at 12:15. But we were trapped because we had to take my grandma home, which was a whooooooooooole other debacle all on its own...) ANyway. Late naptime = bedtime FAIL.

DH is in there with her now, at the reading books stage. Fingers crossed...