help me please!!

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Newlywed630's picture
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help me please!!

So it is midnight and I am always a worrier when it comes to late night and I just can not sleep. I feel like I am totally having anxiety right now.. Dh thinks I am just being crazy... so I am gonna have to come to yall. Your moms, I know you will understand my issues.

Soon we will be going to get dh's little sisters in Indiana.. This is a little more than a 2 day trip. Basically we would leave on a friday and be coming back home on a sunday. We have known about this trip for a year now but we were unsure if we would be able to actually make it since dh's mother is giving us the gas money to go and so we had no idea wither she would actually be able to do it.

We found out Monday that we are going. Dh immediately called his pregnant sister to tell her that their little sisters would be here all excited. She started talking about vacation days after dh mentioned that his mom said she wished that Hailey (his pg sisters name, make this easier since he has 3 sisters) could come. Then my dumb bright idea was to leave Chloe with my parents since we will not be stopping at a hotel and having the typical vacation anyway.. we are just gonna be driving. Dh of course loved the idea and now his sister wants to come with us.

Come Wednesday here I am thinking, how in the world am I gonna be able to leave my one year old for nearly 3 days!? Not to mention we will be so far away! What if something happened? We wouldn't be back in Texas for 20 hours! We don't have the means to have money set aside for a emergency plane ticket (if such a thing exists).

What would you do? Am I a crazy paranoid mother? Is my husband being insensitive?
He thinks that this is no big deal, but here I am the evil sister in law breaking up the plans for selfish reasons.
Also, I do not want Chloe looking back a pictures and her not being in them. While this isn't a typical vacation, I am sure there will be fun rest stops along the way and I know it is gonna be exciting to be able to take pictures there and stuff. Dh thinks it is no big deal, since we will be going a second time anyway.. his plan is to take hailey once and chloe the next time.

Hasn't someone here left their baby for a work thing? Is it as hard as I am putting it out to be, to be away for so long? Would you willingly leave your baby behind?

On another note, I think Jackie, haven't you traveled with your little guy? Was it hard for him to be in the car for so long? Chloe loved the San Antonio vacation and never really cried about having to be in her seat but that is 6 hours compared to 20.

Thanks in advance everyone. Sorry this is so long, I am so tired and I am pretty sure I have the flu! Doesn't help to throw a worried paranoid momma on top of all that.
Chloe is my little buddy. Dh thinks I am being crazy but really, I feel like she has bonded with me way more and that is why it is so easy for him to ditch her aside. He didn't like me saying that, but it is how I feel. He knows my parents spoil the crap out of mrs. princess and he thinks she wont even blink a eye about us being gone. he means well, but he just can not ease my fears about this...

redneckgirl82884's picture
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I wish I could help but I've never been in a spot that I've had to leave DD more than overnight. I also get worried if we travel far from home without her. If it was me, I would take her. She'll sleep a chunk of the drive hopefully. And DS can help keep her entertained couldn't he? Plus DH's fam would probably like to see her wouldn't they?

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In all likelihood it will be fine. It's one trip to get some other kids and I don't think that Chloe would be too upset down the road about not being there. If you trust your parents with your daughter then there is every chance that everything will be fine. And she can have fun pictures of herself at her granparents house for 3 days. All that being said, I would probably worry as much or more than you are. I'm not a good person to ask since I'm the over-paranoid, anxiety ridden mom around here.

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((hugs)) Your feelings are perfectly normal! It's the fun part of being a mom. Chances are pretty darn high that she will be perfectly fine and okay.

DS does great in the car (for a toddler) for the first 6 hours. Then he has a bit of a meltdown phase. Then he usually does well until we hit the 10 hour mark. Then it goes downhill every hour after that. 16 hour trips were REALLY stretching it for us. More than once I pulled up at the base with a screaming toddler and telling the gate guard sorry. That last hour was always the worst ever (probably didn't help that by that point it was usually in the dark on a 2 lane highway that didn't have lane markings for a good portion lol). I'm soooooo happy that our trips home are only 12-13 hours now! It's amazing the difference 3 hours less in the car makes. I would NOT want to do a 20 hour straight trip with DS. Having Chloe stay with your parents is a fantastic option really. She'll have way more fun anyways than being stuck in a car seat!

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You're not crazy at all for being anxious about leaving her for 3 days. If I understand correctly, you're just driving out there to pick his sisters up? If it were me, I'd stay home with the kids and have your DH go by himself. Having traveled long distances with a young child I'll tell you its not a walk in the park. Having fun at rest stops is not a good enough reason to take a 1 year old along. You also have to add quite a few hours to your travel time. It won't be just a 20 hour trip because you'll need to stop more frequently and you'll need to stop for longer periods. And you're not stopping at a hotel? That's going to be a nightmare. Driving all day with a toddler can be stressful and exhausting. Driving through the night after you've driven all day is down right dangerous. This is coming from someone who has done dozens of road trips, many of which were all nighters. Those were pre-kid though. Personally, I won't take Teagan on a car trip longer than 8 hours unless we're staying where we're going for more than a few days and where we're going is AWESOME. Dragging her the 17 hours up to Lake Tahoe was barely worth the trip.

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im probably one to be answering because i to am over anxious momma. thats why ds comes everywhere with us. so hugs to you because i know what you are feeling. i agree though with erin that 20hours without stopping is dangerous unless one is sleeping while the other is driving therefore not leaving someone to distract chloe. ds does well on trips...the longest we have done is 9 hrs but after about hour 5 he needs constant entertainment. good luck with your decision and follow your instinct.

Newlywed630's picture
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We are both planning on taking turns driving. I do not see anything dangerous about that. If we do get tired of course we will be stopping at a hotel. I wouldn't put my kiddos in danger. we are gonna stay with his mom once we reach Indiana. Then once we are both all rested up we will be heading back to Texas. His mom and her friend have done this many times. I am pretty sure we wont have a issue. I know we will have to stop more but... I would just rather have chloe with me. So, chloe is coming first and then Hailey can come when we take them back home. That way, the second time I will have already known chloe has got to see her grandma and stuff.
I guess it doesn't sound fun, but we do not have the opportunity to travel a lot, so going across the country is a big deal to me. I love the idea of it.. and my kids have not seen their grandma in over a year.
I also offered to stay home but dh told me I am crazy and plus he needs my help driving. So that is the plan.

I also told dh that maybe the next time if hailey felt comfortable with it, her and her boyfriend could take the girls home. Then they could make their own little vacation out of it. so that is something we are gonna talk to her about.

Wish me luck.. even if it is against everyone's better judgement! You can tell me I told you so when I write about how much a pain she was. Smile

Any tips on keeping her occupied in the car? We have dvd headrests.. she loved that when we went to San Antonio. That kept her quiet for about 6 hours. Then she napped. I am pretty sure she would have been fine a while longer but that was only a 6 hour trip.. so.

Oh and Trevor distracts Chloe just fine lol!

redneckgirl82884's picture
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Great that you have a DVD player! I would load up on movies of all kinds. Can you make her a lapboard of somekind? Then you could have her color or draw. Snacks and cups and plenty of that too I'm sure! And I guess a good selection of toys.

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Best of luck to you! My advice is to save the DVD player until you really need a good trick up your sleeve. Usually about hour six is when I break out the iPad or iPhone for DS to watch a movie. lol. Till then, lots of music and toys. A few days before a trip I fill up a bin that fits next to his car seat with toys he can play with while confined. Mostly books, noise makers, etc. New toys haven't worked for us yet, but I am going to try that for the next trip. Usually I"m driving by myself, so DS doesn't get any snacks or drinks till we stop (I don't trust him lol). It is smoother when there are two of us since one can help out with that stuff without having to do a stop. When I do stop I try to make it a combined stop if possible, so I do food, gas, and play time at once. The last time DH was with me for a long trip, it was great because he would go off to get gas while I got us food or took Aiden to play. Kept our time down. Wink
Best of luck!!!

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Thanks.. I am gonna have to look up a lap board. I have never thought of anything like that. We do drinks and snacks in the car all the time so that is no big deal. Love the idea of the toy bin. I am gonna have to go shopping on friday and maybe get a couple new books and toys.
They like playing with our andriod phones too, dh found a cool app that locks them out of stuff.. like when chloe reset my entire phone. lol. They can not even get into the settings without a passcode. Also, Trevor can no longer buy apps! lol.
I am pretty excited! I have never been past the very beginning of louisiana so going that far sounds like a blast. Who knows MAYBE next time we may go kidless plus hailey! That would be fun Smile
Have any of you been to buc-ees? It's like a gas station chain they have around here. We took the kids while in San Antonio and they loved it! Chloe especially. Since we are not paying for gas we will have plenty of cash to play around with. I may have to talk dh into booking a hotel. We will see. Smile Any more tips would be appreciated Smile

Oh and I hope ya'll don't think I didn't take the advice. I feel tons better about her staying when we drive them home now. She was going once anyway. I think going the first time is better. I will not even think about it the second time since she would have already gone and most likely was pissed off anyway. Everyone made me feel much better about leaving her. Smile

redneckgirl82884's picture
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Fisher Price has some cool free toddler apps. I'm not sure if they're available on the droid system or not though.

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with a dvd player and a big brother to entertain her then i think she'll do fine! im glad you made a decision.

Newlywed630's picture
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"jperry5683" wrote:

with a dvd player and a big brother to entertain her then i think she'll do fine! im glad you made a decision.

Thanks Smile

Molly- I bet I could get online and get them. I am gonna look, thanks Smile

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ooh i love buc-ees! if we are driving in an area where they are we actually will plan our trip to make sure we stop at one!

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My advice is to plan your trip according to when you think the kids will be most amenable to driving and under no circumstances should you stop driving when they're sleeping. Having a bin full of new-to-them toys that are awesome is a must. Save the big guns until its freak out time. Maybe go to the library and take out some sing along CDs. Teagan was too young to care about such things on our last trip but I'm definitely getting some for our trip in July.

Also, take a good look at your route and scope out a few towns that would have hotels or even camp grounds if you're set up to do that. If you're exhausted and just have to stop it really sucks when you're 100 miles from the nearest place to sleep. BTDT. We wound up staying in a really disgusting hooker hotel somewhere between Las Cruces, NM and Tucson. It was only like 2 more hours to Tucson but I just couldn't drive anymore. I was driving the U-Haul and DH was driving our car so there was no switching.

Good luck!

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couple tips that weren't mentioned:

make sure shoes, socks, jackets are all off and they are wearing comfy clothes or pjs

bring favorite blankies and stuffed animals and toys, plus the new ones

Make a couple I Spy bottles - both kids should enjoy those, just make Trevor's items harder to find!

pick your leaving time correctly - I highly suggest leaving at nap or bedtime. Leaving first thing in the morning has been a disaster for us every time and we only had 4 hour trips.

Good luck! 20 hours in a car is hell to me personally, but I'm glad you are excited about your trip! Smile