I need your help... circumcision and doctor question

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Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770
I need your help... circumcision and doctor question

Hey. So, I have been thinking about switching doctors...again! UGH. This will be the 2nd time switching this year.
I took Trevor in for his well child check up. Everything went ok. This new doctor has never been kid friendly. like she doesn't talk to them friendly at all.. it's weird. She doesn't even check their ears.. which I think is weird.
She reached into his shorts..like lifting them up to check his boy parts and I couldn't even see what she was doing. Then she told me to make sure I am retracting him better.. I was confused.. I thought with a uncircumcised boy you only retracted them (while cleaning) to what it will allow.. I do not understand.. of course she didn't show me what she was talking about either.. she should have asked for him to pull his pants down and did the procedure and then showed me what the heck she was talking about... I think it was sorta unprofessional of her to reach into his shorts and apparently pull on his foreskin so hard that the next day he was telling me his "wiener" hurt. Sad
Am I wrong? From what I read that was what I should have been doing.. and the first pediatrician (who I wish didn't get all pig headed :() told me this too.. why now is something I am doing wrong? It never hurt before.
What would you do?
I am thinking about asking to see a different doctor in the practice.. or my friend said she has a great pediatrician. Should I switch again? I already go 30 minutes away to see a good doctor.. Why is is so hard to find one!?
Am I just "that parent"?
She has me thinking there is something wrong with my kid! I know there isn't. He has never complained of it hurting before.. I also feel like a crap parent for letting her do that..

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

I also wanna add after looking up the other doctor in the practice online.. everyone seems to like her but they say there is a wait. I think now I am understanding why! The other doctor never has a wait.. maybe other parents have had a issue with her too? My friend said her doctor is super kid friendly and always spends lots of time with her. Both doctors are just as far away.. her's may be a little closer actually but that isn't a huge deal

KittyRN's picture
Joined: 02/03/09
Posts: 1260

I would totally get another one!!! Sorry but the way she "checked" him is total bullsh!t! I'd make a formal complaint! How would you feel if someone just reached down your pants! OMG!!! I would have been totally pissed!!! And of course you're not suppose to pull back their foreskin!! Simon is circumsized but even I know that you arent suppose to touch it. It will retract on its own eventually and then you clean under it!

I'm sorry she's such a d!ck!!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

OMG!! Not only would I get another doctor, I would call her up and ream her out for violating and hurting your DS. Reaching into his pants and yanking on his foreskin is absolutely unacceptable! WTF was she checking? She certainly wasn't checking if it was clean. She'd have to do that visually. She clearly has a problem with the fact that he's intact and thinks that retracting it is necessary. If that's the case I wouldn't trust ANY medical advice she gives because that's straight up pediatrics 101. Leave her practice immediately and get a different doctor.

I feel so bad for your DS. I hope his weiner feels better and that this experience doesn't make him scared of doctors. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to do. You just clean it like any other body part without retracting anything. It'll retract on its own!

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

I completely agree with Mona!! From everything that I've read, there is not a whole lot involved in cleaning an uncirc'd penis. And that she just reached into his shorts and groped around without even looking at what she was doing seems HIGHLY unprofessional to me!! I would be completely outraged, and NEVER go back to her again! Poor Trevor, I hope he doesn't get an infection from her forcing his foreskin back like that.

HorseMomma's picture
Joined: 06/29/04
Posts: 858

I would either bring your concerns to her...ask her "Can you show me what you are talking about?" "What do you mean?" That type of stuff...is she doesn't give you good answer...I would find a new one...She will have to answer your questions...if she is rude...tell her how should you know what she is talking about.

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

I knew I wasn't crazy. Dh was not there so of course he was a little like "maybe it is not progressing the way it should" or something.. I don't see how it couldn't of.. considering he has never complained at all.

I think I am just gonna switch to my cousin/friends doctor. I have been trying to make a point of bring chloe with me to all appointments. that way I can learn to deal with both kids at once. I am just gonna start getting my mom to watch the other one again.. I am not gonna have to be struggling with one while the other is on the table getting violated.

And Erin, I really think you are totally right that she isn't ok with it!! She even told me "dr.. (that did his eye surgery) can just go ahead a circumcise him if it will not retract" I am even more pissed off now because she made it seem like something was wrong when clearly she does not know what the hell she was talking about.
I think he is fine now.. It has been at least a week since our appointment and it looks fine. I feel like a crap mom.. even his first doctor told me not to EVER let another doctor retract him.. what was I thinking?? The moment she started messing around with his pants I should have been right there.. chloe grabbing at my leg and all.. I honestly thought "oh she is checking his balls".. because it seems like every doctor wants to do that.. Really, he is 4.. why does a doctor even need to be messing around with that area..
This is a Texas Children's doctor too.. I figured they'd at least treat my kid right..

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

You are absolutely not a bad mom for what happened! She is a bad doctor! There's no way you could have anticipated she'd violate him like that. I think it is pretty standard though for docs to check their genitalia. My doc does a quick check of Teagan's at each check up. I'm guessing he's just looking for abnormal discharge or diaper rash. He has me take her diaper off and lie her on the exam table. He's very respectful about it.

I may be a tad more rude and crude but I honestly think I would have decked her. Violating him and then suggesting that you have him circumsized at age 4 because its not retracted is just absolute BS. It can sometimes take until a boy is in his teens or the foreskin to completely retract! Seriously, I'd report her.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

GET ANOTHER DOCTOR!!!!

An adult should never retract a childs foreskin (unless there is a medical reason to do so). They don't really start retracting until they hit puberty and it is something they need to learn how to do themselves.

I agree with the others, sticking her hand in his pants to "check" sounds unbelievably unprofessional and personally a bit paedophilic (sorry, but unless YOU had any concerns it's just wrong of her to do that!!) You should seriously make a complaint!

Poor boy. Give him lots of love :bighug:

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

I will thanks!! Poor guy! I asked Trevor if he wanted to see a different doctor. He said "one that wont hurt my weiner?!" His response says it all.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

Have you checked to see if she actually did any damage? If its retracted far enough it can bleed and cause adhesions which may necessitate medical attention.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I'd run far away from her. That isn't professional to me at all. Everything out says to not retract yourself. There is zero reason to do that. That alone makes me think that she doesn't keep up with her own field at all. If she doesn't know this stuff, what else is she not keeping current with? Sad
As much as I hate long waits and a long drive, I'd rather deal with those issues than a doctor that I don't trust and feel comfortable with.
:grouphug:

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

"Newlywed630" wrote:

I will thanks!! Poor guy! I asked Trevor if he wanted to see a different doctor. He said "one that wont hurt my weiner?!" His response says it all.

That is awful. Poor little guy. Just keep telling him that that wasn't okay and that's why y'all are going to find a new doctor that he can trust.

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

Thanks! I told him that I will for sure never let another doctor do that. I plan to inform his new doctor of this and make sure he/she is ok with a uncircumcised child. We checked him out.. nothing looks out of the ordinary..no swelling/bleeding. She did not tear anything.. I think she put more pressure on it than he is used to. I also noticed the day after when he was saying that it hurt that he also had a cough and maybe coughing make it hurt more? I am gonna let the new doctor check it out as well.

stacymh's picture
Joined: 03/16/10
Posts: 1807

Poor little guy!! I agree with the other ladies, get a different doctor. That is completely unacceptable behavior. Our doctor also check's things out, but he has us take Evan's diaper off and we put him on the exam table. He then gently checks him.

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

Totally agreed, get another doctor. That was very unprofessional of her and rude. And is she had concerns about it then she should have showed you and explained more. I think her telling you that there is someone that can circ. it now says a lot. She is totally not comfortable with intact boys. Does she even know how much it hurts and causes emotional trauma for a 4 year old to get circ'd at this age? We had a kid in Kinder one year that got it done when he turned 5 (not sure the reason, cultural or medical) and that poor kid was out of school for weeks.

My boys both have gotten checked during well baby and well child visits over the years. Both doctors (that we trust) have always asked me permission to check first and talked to the boys before and during doing it (even as babies). They looked at the testicles, lifted up the penis to see (if needed), and other than that did a basic visual exam that involved very little touching. Very non-invasive, without pain, and informative on the doctors part by saying something like, "I'm just checking to make sure your penis is healthy like the rest of your body". I'd be be livid if it happend any other way.

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

Eeek... Ashley, does sound very odd. Im not familar with uncircumsized but no way should she just put her hands down his pants.. Plus I cant even remember the last time my pedia checked Gregs balls. Usually if anything, he would check the pulse down, and more of the area to check for hernias but never touches the penis or balls.

I also think you need to call the office and tell them you think it was unprofessional and worriesome of how she did his exam..

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

thats horrible i would be furious!! i agree, find another Dr. I would even report her. My Ped has never said anything like that

:bighug:

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

I'm sorry that happened to him and I'm glad you're going to find another pedi. Sounds like her bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired and she has no idea about an intact boy. Why everyone wants to pull back the foreskin, I have no idea. Nature put it there for a reason, just leave it alone!

My pedi has her issues, but when she checks my girls, (especially once they start to understand things and at age 4 they definitely do!) she always makes a big deal out of asking her if it's ok, and she asks us, too. Then she does a quick visual (no hands) and the last time she told DD1 that only her parents should see her private area and it's ok if the dr checks it if mom and dad say so first.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I told my DH about what your doctor did and he said you should seriously report her to the medical board or even consider filing assault charges. He's intact and understands what it would feel like to have his foreskin forcibly retracted. I don't mean to push the issue but personally, I would want to make sure she's not going around doing that to all her intact patients.

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

I agree that you should make the switch even if it means a longer wait. She sounds like a horrible doctor to me and I would be furious if I were in your shoes.

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

I agree with Erin. When you switch, make sure the dr's boss knows WHY you are switching. Maybe you can save some other little boys the pain and embarassment of being manhandled by her!

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

Poor Trevor Sad This makes me so freaking mad. And no, you shouldn't have to protect Trevor from assault from his own doctor. I always have Clara and Grady together at appts, I know how insane it gets in that exam room with two little kids in there, it's absolutely overwhelming to me.

I'm with Erin, I would file a formal complaint against her. If another little boy gets hurt by her it would be terrible. I don't even wipe my kids' noses without telling them first, I can't imagine someone else (dr or God himself) reaching in to my son's pants without at least forewarning him!