Im too old...OT

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laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117
Im too old...OT

but I think I have finally found a friend that I am jealous about that has became friends with someone I was trying to be friends with.. Does that make any sense....

I found myself to be upset, or jealous that I wasnt invited to go to lunch with these two women.. I introduced them, and they kinda are connecting with each other but it is making me upset that Im not being included.. It sounds so stupid, and really Im not sure why or what part about it, is making me feel this way, and Im not really sure how to deal with it..

This is probably the first time in my life, that I have actually cared.. Does this make any sense?

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Aw. Definitely not silly in the least bit. There have been way too many times I've felt left out like this. One lunch isn't a friendship though, so maybe come up with an activity for the three of you if possible? See how things go then.

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

Well its more than just a lunch.. I think I kinda have pinpointed some things as to why I might be upset..

The one friend, is kind hard to do things with schedule wise, so we will try to make plans, but then she cant, and she has told me a million times she wants to do lunch and shopping.. I say okay, well just let me know.. and she has yet to ever actually invite me, but has invited this girl out 2 times already.. The last time she said she will let me know about going to lunch with all 3 of us, and I found out yesterday through the other friend they are doing lunch tomorrow..I think she purposly didnt invite me, since she knows I said I would like to go the next time.. I actually had a hard time going to bed last night trying to figure out why she didnt invite me.. I do know that she wants to connect with her since they kinda have the same roll in the churches they go to, so I get that part. I just dont know why Im so upset..

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

So then I think well maybe I need to ask the other friend out on my own like she is doing so I can connect with her more.. I just figured it would of been nice to do it together.. Then when I think that way, that is the side of me being immature saying well I will just not invite you then..

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Sounds like girl #1 is being difficult to you! I would definitely invite girl #2 out to do something just you two since #1 is being like this.

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

Lauren I would be a raving B*** over it, just sayin.
I had this happen in HS and I was ticked, very ticked over it because girl #2 was what I thought my BFF. But it does sound like girl #1 is being a butt head.

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

I really have no idea why she isnt inviting me.. It sounds sooo pathetic!!

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

O.M.G YES!!!! i know how you are feeling. My bff is just.like.that I don't know why I have put up with it for 20 years. I have always had difficulty making friends and she makes them just like that without even trying. It has driven me nuts when someone I like wants nothing to do with me but is all buddy buddy with her. and she ALWAYS will try and make plans with me and change them at the last minute, or cancel, or make something up and then go out with someone else GRR!!!!!! I got to a point where i said "eff it" if she wants to hang out with me she can do all the chasing and then I didn't hear from her for a year. Some bff...

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

I think this is why I have very few female friends IRL. I get tired of the drama.

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

I talked to my sister tonight, and she sorta made me feel better.. She said basically that when you are good friends with someone, you get complacent... I agree. Its not like she is trying to -befriend me when she is already my friend. She is trying to befriend this other girl.. I can totally see her point. She is putting more effort into this other relationship and I dont think it has anything to do with me.. (I really hope not anyway)..

I guess I just hope to think I value to treat all my friendships the same.. I really dont like to hurt people.. IDK! Mushy crybaby day and night for Lauren!

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

Feeling left out and ostracized is the story of my life. I know this feeling well. I'm a little strange though. I wasn't born in this country and was raised in a very different culture. I've lived in the US since I was 7 years old but even today things will come up in conversation and I have no idea what that is or what anyone is talking about. I'm pretty blunt and have an extremely dry sense of humor. Basically, I can come across as a real b*tch. As much as I like to think I've accepted this about myself I still get my feelings hurt when I get left out.

Once in high school a group of us were planning a day trip to a big waterpark (Schlitterbahn) and we spend a couple of weeks planning the whole thing. I grew up super poor, but my dad came up with the money for my sister and me to go on this trip. The morning we were supposed to go we waited and waited for them to come pick us up and they never did. Turns out the group didn't think we'd have our money and just went without us. It still makes me mad to this day.

That story notwithstanding, most people have no intention of hurting your feelings or making you feel left out and I'm sure that is not their intention. They may have been planning to discuss something that they thought would be boring to you or they may not have even thought that you'd care to be invited.

KittyRN's picture
Joined: 02/03/09
Posts: 1260

I usually make friends ok but have a hard time keeping people really close....well women anyways, because I take more of a man's approach to friendship. I dont like talking on the phone much, and as much as I am touchy feely (like hugging and stuff) and can and do empathize, I just get really irritated with needy friends. You know the ones who almost feel like you're dating them! I have a friend right now that gets all "worried" when I dont reply to her text right away. She's paranoid i'm "cheating" on her with another friend maybe? I dont know.

But I would feel snubbed by that situation too. Especially if she said you were all getting together. But I'd probably get over it faster due to my approach above. I'd just figure "huh, well she's not worth it, time to move on."

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

I think your sister does have a good point, but yeah, I would feel hurt in that situation too. Although I am kind of the friend who never stays in touch, I don't like to talk on the phone so I don't usually call. However my friends are all the same way so I guess we fit together well personality wise. We will send an email or text every few months and when I am visiting the town they live in, I will usually call and let them know I am in town so we can get together.