Rqotd 7/11/12

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redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955
Rqotd 7/11/12

If your boyfriend wanted to propose but didn't have the money to purchase an engagment ring....Is the ring needed for a proposal?

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

I know I wouldn't have cared. Dh got me a ring but it was a cheepie. It had a gemstone. I use it more for a promise ring since I'm sure it wouldn't have lasted a life time. He then went and got me a real engagement ring. So no..I don't think it's needed really but nice to have.

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

No, not at all required. We went shopping for one together after we got engaged and I picked the half carrot instead of the full carrot thinking I'd wear it more if it were smaller. I only wear my rings when we go out somewhere. I'm not materialistic and the culture I was raised in didn't have jewelry at all so I was totally good without it.

stacymh's picture
Joined: 03/16/10
Posts: 1807

I also don't think it is required. Maybe the "moment" hits at a time when the guy hasn't been able to afford a ring yet. Or like others have said, get engaged and pick it out together. That still gives the surprise element with the girl being able to pick out her ring.

abacaxi's picture
Joined: 02/27/10
Posts: 363

Personally, I don't think a ring is necessary for the proposal or the engagement. I think that there are much better things to spend lots of money on, like a down payment for a house.

My little brother bought a $5K ring for his fiance. It then took him several years to pay it off, so they went into marriage with that debt, that I think could have been better spent (my SIL loves the ring though), especially since they already had one child at that point.

When DH and I decided to get married, as a joke we went out and bought the biggest gaudiest fake ring we could find. It cost $25 and had this big fake yellow diamond. And you would not believe the comments I got when I wore it - people thought it was real. Even the wedding coordinator at our reception site just gushed over it. You'd think a professional in the industry would have been able to tell it was just glass.

Of course, I also don't like wearing rings in general, and only wear my wedding ring on rare occasions - usually when I'm trying to look professional.

cactuswren's picture
Joined: 10/19/09
Posts: 4658

No, not at all. My engagement ring is a family heirloom diamond that DH had reset for me. I used to wear it when we lived in NYC, but now that we're in casual Tucson I feel really weird about it and never wear it except if we're getting all fancy for an event. My wedding ring is a plain band, which is what I wanted so I'd never have to take it off, even if I'm gardening or camping or whatever.

To me, the gesture of his approaching my family to ask for the stone, etc., was super meaningful, but if I hadn't had such a thing floating around I wouldn't have cared at all if he'd just gotten me a simple ring for the symbolism, nothing expensive in the least. I am not a bling kind of girl.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

not necessary at all. DH did get my a ring which I wear all the time but I wouldn't have minded if he hadn't. (but he's old fashioned with things like that. He chose it with my mum after asking my dads permission, all a secret to me but quite romantic really Smile )

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Not a necessity! Though I doubt if my father would have given his permission without a ring of some kind.
My sister's boyfriend "proposed" to her in April, only no ring (not even something super cheap) and he didn't talk to my father, so my family says it doesn't count and they're waiting for him to be man enough to talk to them. Fun times. lol

ETA: DH asked my father's permission. My mom looked at rings with him. It was paid off before we married. I wear it all the time and rarely take it off.

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

We were technically "engaged" before we got the ring, I got it about 3-4 weeks later. But he did a proposal once he purchased it.

I think there should be a ring of somekind. Cheap, fake, whatever but it just doesn't seem real until you get that ring.

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

I don't think it's necessary. but it's a tradition and I think it's nice. My DH and I had been talking getting engaged and looking a rings, but I didn't consider it official until he did the down on one knee proposal with the ring. Of course, many years later, I don't wear my engagement ring. My wedding band has diamonds in it, and it's all I wear.

My BIL gave his GF of 8 years a very large, very lovely 3 stone diamond ring that would probably hold 4 of my ring. And stipulated that it was "just jewelry." She wears it on her left ring finger and lets people assume they are engaged, though they are not. The ring, obviously, isn't everything. She sort of got the anti-proposal.

HorseMomma's picture
Joined: 06/29/04
Posts: 858

I don't think so...we couldn't afford a big ring...We went to SUPER K...and got all of our rings for $140.
Mine was like $70:0) I work in the barn so much, that I'd be worried having a big rock. I wanted a fake one!!!!lol.
My hands are so swollen I can't wear em'...lol.
I don't think the ring will help the relationship:0) (well, unless it was huge...j/k) haha!

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

not required, but the tradition of it is nice. DH and I looked at rings a couple months before he proposed and I really thought it was so far away that I didn't think much of it. Then he proposed with one of the rings I reallly did love. It's smaller carat-wise, but it's very sparkly, and pretty flawless as stones go.

Vstarr's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 895

I think it depends. I know that it isn't really required, but as someone who has BTDT (my 1st engagement happened w/o a ring, or even really a proper proposal, & I did get one later, but it was small, only a couple hundred $, and his dad actually paid for it) I feel like it is an important symbol. I informed my current wonderful finance long before we were seriously thinking of marriage that I would not consider myself to be engaged until I got a proper proposal and had a diamond ring on my finger. I don't think it necessarily needs to be that expensive or even a diamond, but the act of the proposal and the tradition of the ring is very important to me anyways to make it feel real.

Does that even make sense? I feel like if a guy isn't responsible enough to at least save up a few hundred $ to buy a ring or something else symbolic then he isn't responsible enough to get married. (Also BTDT!!!)

Yes, I do have a $5K ring on my finger and I love it! Biggrin But it was paid for by him in cash, as I also don't agree with going in debt to buy a ring. Or have a wedding. We did shop for it together and it was picked out by me so I knew it would be something I would love, but he surprised me by not letting me know when he would actually propose and give it to me. Even with the ring bought, I didn't actually consider us engaged until I had that ring on my finger.

Cherrychip's picture
Joined: 01/31/09
Posts: 1134

Its a nice tradition but not required. My religious upbringing included not wearing jewelry and I am not a fancy ring kind of person anyway so I didn't get an engagement ring at all, just an inexpensive wedding band which I am not afraid to wear while doing yardwork, cleaning etc. We did get engagement watches after we got engaged but those were also inexpensive. Mine is pink and shaped like a heart and I wear it once in a while as I never think to put on a watch. I think I am wearing it in my avatar( is that what you call the little pic on the side?)pic on here.

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

All I wanted was a damn proposal so I could start planning the wedding. Well ... actually I was planning the wedding the second DH warmed up to the idea. I told him I didn't care one bit if I got a ring. (I did a little but all I really wanted was the proposal.) In the end he proposed with a gorgeous ring. Its engineered blue and white sapphires set in palladium. I'm proud to say my ring is fake. When DH bought the stones, he bought a bunch of extra ones and had two set as ear rings for my wedding gift. He has a bunch left still and we plan to have them set to give to our kids on their wedding days.