Should I have kept my mouth (or fingers) shut?

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AnnaRO's picture
Last seen: 5 months 6 days ago
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033
Should I have kept my mouth (or fingers) shut?

A friend of mine recently had a baby boy. We aren't very close friends but we are friends. Anyway she posted on FB that he is still losing weight (he's been home about a week or so) and that she needs more milk to come in fast. Well, another friend of hers that I don't know replied advising her to supplement with formula. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if she's wanting her supply to go up I don't think supplementing would help her. In my reply I encouraged her to just keep trying and maybe do a feeding marathon, but that I would hold off on supplementing just yet.

I'm not trying to start any kind of debate or irritate her in any way, but I think it's sad that so many women lack information about breastfeeding, which in my opinion leads to a lot of them doing things that are counterproductive to their breastfeeding goals. I have nothing against formula feeding (obviously since Lyla has been FF since 10.5 months), but did I overstep?

KittyRN's picture
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
Joined: 02/03/09
Posts: 1260

I dont think you over stepped. We ended up supplementing Simon at first since he lost too much weight according to the hospital since he was jaundiced and uner the billi lights so much, and my breastmilk took awhile to come in. We used a lactation aid though so Simon was still getting all his milk at the breast, and stimulating my supply. We only had to supplement for I think it was 5 days, since then my milk came in....and well you all know how my baby boy gains weight!! LOL!!

Maybe suggest a lactation aid if she does go the route of supplementing? That way her baby will get the milk and she will get the stimulation at the breast.

stacymh's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/10
Posts: 1807

I don't think you over stepped either. First of all, she put it on FB, so she is going to get all kinds of comments. You put on there what you thought would help her, which I think would help also. I would be appreciative of a friend (even if you're not that close) that was trying to help me out.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

Nope, not over stepped. I did a very similar thing to a friend of mine on FB too a few months ago

jolly11sd's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

I don't think you were wrong to say anything. She may not know that it could actually hurt her supply that she is trying to build.

I also had to use a lactation aid with Odin (and DS1) for about a week and kept him right at the breast while using it to encourage my supply. It was for weight gain issues as well.

PeanutGirl's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 10/26/08
Posts: 345

I think you replied in an informative, tactful way. And I agree with the others, maybe suggest a lactation consultant. I know my hospital has a phone number to reach one with questions or you can meet with them. I would think (or hope!) she has access to one too.

Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

i don't think it is overstepping. I have made similar comments to my friend and DH's cousin when they stopped. overstepping would be telling them that they are giving up nourishing their child and feeding them poison;)

alwayssmile's picture
Last seen: 2 years 12 months ago
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Nope, not overstepping to me. If other comments are made maybe just pop a link to kellymom with a note saying "if you're interested."

HorseMomma's picture
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 06/29/04
Posts: 858

She didn't do anything wrong.
I don't think giving information out is bad at all...she can take it...and make her own decision...and she is the one that asked.:0)
I agree...kellymom is great.

BuckeyeK's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

i think what you said was fine.

butterflykissesx6's picture
Last seen: 3 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/28/07
Posts: 509

I don't think you over stepped, I think what you said is fine just remember tho that not everyone can produce enough quality milk to feed their baby. Yes, god gave us the means to do it but not everyone has the ability.

The most important thing you can do is support her in her breastfeeding and support her and not judge her in whatever decisions she makes for her baby.

TiggersMommy's picture
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I've played out a similar scenario with friends of mine lately. I usually shoot her a PM and basically let her know that I'm BFing obsessed and full of useful info. If she seems like she genuinely wants help, I'll send her another PM loaded with helpful links and tips. I keep it restricted to PMs though because I don't want to start a debate with her less supportive friends and family. I'm uber supportive of my friends no matter what choice they make but I tend to be less nice to people I don't know if they're giving terrible advice and/or attacking my choices.

The three friends of mine who I've acted as a virtual LC for have been extremely grateful for the help. Its amazing how little information most women receive. I researched everything to death on my own but it was that gave me the most info. Unfortunately, not all mamas have discovered the power of birth forums. Wink