Sleep

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ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564
Sleep

I am wondering if I should try getting ronin on more of a schedule, he is still up late most nights and is waking at least 4 times a night, often more. Would it even be worth it seeing as we have to go pick hubby up most nights? I tried Babywise, but reading it there was just something that didn't click for me. If I do try I am likely to buy save our sleep and use their program, mostly for the day because I understand if he still needs a night feed for awhile longer. We have a 5 day weekend coming up so that would be perfect for trying to get him started. I feel bad because it's more for my needs, being back at work the lack of sleep is killing me and I am not doing my job well. I feel selfish for thinking of putting my needs first when the hierachy of needs should be Ronin, hubby and then me.

redneckgirl82884's picture
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

I would think he should be getting more sleep than that at night by now. At least a 5-6 hr go at a time. Madison is still getting up at least once a night, if not twice and I know it's wearing me out so I can understand what you are going through also. But I would def. try to get him on a schedule.
Good Luck!!

laurensmitty1982's picture
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

It cant hurt to try. Even if he is going to bed late, you still need him to sleep afterwards for a little while. Dont feel selfish.. Our babies are 5-6 months which is to me is when they should be sleeping more.

Natalies longest stretch is about 4 hours in the beginning and then it seems like she is up every 2 hours after.. Im so done with this. My back is killing me in the mornings and Im not sure if that is from her or my bed. I would love to let her CIO but she is in my room..

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

is there any way your dh can get to work himself? walk, ride bike, take the bus etc. if so i would look into that first so you can try and work on a bedtime routine with him. i know you mentioned it before but why can't your dh drive again? if he just needs his license i would ask him to do that as well, if not then i would try putting him to bed earlier to see if it helps. couldn't hurt?

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I can count on one hand the number of times that DS has slept 5 hours or longer. A month from now, I seriously doubt that he'll be waking up only once or twice in the night. But he is literally just waking to eat. He makes the "I'm hungry!" sound. I feed him, he's right back out asleep. It's barely a blimp on my radar. I don't have to do anything to get him back down. Now little over a month ago I had posted frustrated that DS had suddenly decided to get up in the middle of the night and talk and coo. Like 3-4 times he woke up crying and kept us up for 2-3 hours with it. DH and I were both NOT happy about it. We look a harder look at his routines and what sleep he was getting during the day. I adjusted his routine, reminded myself to have patience, and things settled back down. To me, if you're not okay with his sleep then something needs to change as long as you have realistic expectations and don't expect miracles overnight (which I'm pretty sure you're not). I've read the No Cry Sleep Solution. While I don't exactly follow it to the letter by any means, I did take suggestions from it and molded stuff to fit us.

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

That isn't the hierarchy, Wendy. I know we all put our babies first because they are so dependent on us, but we can't be good moms if we are not functioning properly. Without getting enough sleep you can't function. At this point, to my knowledge, these babies are old enough to sleep at least a 5 hour stretch, sometimes more.

Lyla still gets up at least once sometimes 2x per night. Her bedtime is 10pm, and she kind of did that herself. Her naps are also pretty regular. If you have a regular time that you go pick up your DH every night, you might work that into a routine with Ronin. I'm a habitual person and I guess that translates to Lyla as each day is very similar. You might just make sure that whatever your routine it is about the same each night. But I'm not telling you anything we haven't discussed on here before . . .

And your hubby is a grown man and should not come ahead of you in the hierarchy! I will let you put Ronin first, but you at least come in second. Your DH can do for himself. I try to cook dinner every night, but if I don't get it done then he has to fend for himself. Biggrin

butterflykissesx6's picture
Joined: 06/28/07
Posts: 509

I really think at this age they should be pretty predictable. Now granted, any change in their normal day can mess things up for night. If you are having to go get hubby at strange times this certainly is altering his sleep.....Also, teething, adding solids, any change like that can alter their sleep too. I hope you can get things figured out for him.....I'm sorry he does't sleep that long for you, working and all....that's really, really hard. (((hugs)))

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

I'd say that waking him up to go and get your hubby is really screwing up his sleep cycle. I honestly think that needs to be sorted before Ronin can get a bedtime routine/sleep schedule sorted.

And I agree with Anna...your hubby is a grown man...you come before him in the hierarchy. My DH totally know's he comes last and often has to fend for himself!! Biggrin

jolly11sd's picture
Joined: 02/02/05
Posts: 3327

In the hierachy of things Anna is so right. You need to come first so that the whole thing works. I'm not talking about pampering but like the basics of food and rest.

Odin is on a routine that works about 75% of the time mostly because of how my work day is so routine. Weekends sometimes throw us off. You'll find that most babies and kids really thrive with a daily rhythm (routine) of work/sleep/play. Doensn't have to be a strict do or die nap at 9am everyday but when things follow a daily rhythm or pattern they tend to fall into about the same time slots daily. Even LO know what to expect next and it is comforting.

I think if your DH's work times vary then it could be hard as well as waking your LO in the middle of a night sleep. Could DH carpool with anyone? Are there buses? I think the act of having to fully wake the baby, get him in the car, and back home to bed would be very disrupting to his night sleep pattern. Something to think about. How will you handle this same situation 1-5 years from now as Ronin gets older and needs that full block of sleep?

KittyRN's picture
Joined: 02/03/09
Posts: 1260

I think routine is key. Your DH should try to find another way home from work.

Simon is sleeping awesome at night now, but we've been very consistent. I actually wake him once at around 330 to eat since he hasnt been eating great. Otherwise he'd sleep from about 8-6. If I wake him to eat it usually extends his sleep until 7ish.

I need to get routines with naps though. He is still currently napping on me and maybe for 30 minutes at a time.

Vstarr's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 895

I agree that a routine is extremely important. Even if you don't do everything at exactly the same time everyday, if things are somewhat predictable it can make your baby a lot happier and secure. And if you do have to go get your DH from work late at night, try to work the routine around it so that it makes sense for Ronin. What time do you have to get him? Isn't it like 10 pm or something? That's not an unheard of time for a bedtime. If I were you, I would purposely keep him up until you go and get your DH. Then do your routine for bedtime, but instead of putting him in his crib, then put him in the carseat. He should fall asleep on the ride, and be fairly easy to transfer to his crib or where ever he sleeps once you are home, hopefully still sleeping. I know I've transfered my babies numerous times from the carseat to the bed/crib, and they usually go right back to sleep. But I think it will work better if you're not waking him from a sound sleep every night to do it. GL!

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

Finally I have a block of time I can reply to this while I wait for hubby to call and Ronin is asleep (and I wish I was asleep, but I put Ronin down in his room and I am not comfortable being in my room with his door shut and I don't want my cats deciding the cot is a nice place to sleep as well)
The last two nights we have been back to 2 wake ups, one around 2-3am and the other around 5ish am

"laurensmitty1982" wrote:

Im so done with this. My back is killing me in the mornings and Im not sure if that is from her or my bed. I would love to let her CIO but she is in my room..

My back is killing me most mornings too, but I know mine is from the bed, we are going on month 3 of not having a real mattress from the cyclone as we are still waiting on insurance. Apprantly not having a proper bed isn't a priority and no one can tell me how much longer we will have to wait.

"janijanis" wrote:

is there any way your dh can get to work himself? walk, ride bike, take the bus etc. if so i would look into that first so you can try and work on a bedtime routine with him. i know you mentioned it before but why can't your dh drive again? if he just needs his license i would ask him to do that as well, if not then i would try putting him to bed earlier to see if it helps. couldn't hurt?

We live too far away to walk, there are no buses at night (we live in a small town) and we don't have the money for taxis as it's about $20-$30 one way. He does have a bike, but at the moment has to ride along the highway and at that time of night there are a lot of trucks on the road and we have had so much rain lately it's not really bike weather. Once the bridge opens he is likely to ride more as it is safer and quicker, but weather might still be an issue during the summer, but seriously we can't have another wet season as bad as this, we have had nearly 6 months of rain. He has been able to get a lift home some nights with a workmate who lives nearby, but that isn't every night as hubby is generally the last one out and no one wants to wait around. He doesn't drive for a number of reasons, one seems to be laziness and hiding behind other excuses.

"butterflykissesx6" wrote:

I'm sorry he does't sleep that long for you, working and all....that's really, really hard. (((hugs)))

It's been really hard this week and will be for the next few weeks because I have an insane work load right now. Next week is a 4 day week where I have out of town travel (min 1 hour drive, max 2 hour drive) 3 out of the 4 days, the week after is a 3 day week and the week after that a 4 day week. In this time I also have large amounts of court work as well.

"jolly11sd" wrote:

In the hierachy of things Anna is so right. You need to come first so that the whole thing works. I'm not talking about pampering but like the basics of food and rest.

Odin is on a routine that works about 75% of the time mostly because of how my work day is so routine. Weekends sometimes throw us off. You'll find that most babies and kids really thrive with a daily rhythm (routine) of work/sleep/play. Doensn't have to be a strict do or die nap at 9am everyday but when things follow a daily rhythm or pattern they tend to fall into about the same time slots daily. Even LO know what to expect next and it is comforting.

I think if your DH's work times vary then it could be hard as well as waking your LO in the middle of a night sleep. Could DH carpool with anyone? Are there buses? I think the act of having to fully wake the baby, get him in the car, and back home to bed would be very disrupting to his night sleep pattern. Something to think about. How will you handle this same situation 1-5 years from now as Ronin gets older and needs that full block of sleep?

I can get Ronin in the car and get all the way home and he wakes as soon as we get out of the car or start walking up the steps. I got him to his cot the other night, but as soon as he was laid down he started to cry. He settles anywhere from 10 mins to an hour after we get home. Usually he will start falling asleep while having a feed, but as soon as boobie falls out of his mouth he wakes again. ZI have tried the dummy but he won't always take it. In 1-5 years I will probably be trudging more kids up the stairs after dropping more people home at the end of the night as hubby thinks once we get our van we will be called on for more lifts home. There are 4 people (including hubby) who live in our area, only 1 has a car and can drive.

"Vstarr" wrote:

I agree that a routine is extremely important. Even if you don't do everything at exactly the same time everyday, if things are somewhat predictable it can make your baby a lot happier and secure. And if you do have to go get your DH from work late at night, try to work the routine around it so that it makes sense for Ronin. What time do you have to get him? Isn't it like 10 pm or something? That's not an unheard of time for a bedtime. If I were you, I would purposely keep him up until you go and get your DH. Then do your routine for bedtime, but instead of putting him in his crib, then put him in the carseat. He should fall asleep on the ride, and be fairly easy to transfer to his crib or where ever he sleeps once you are home, hopefully still sleeping. I know I've transfered my babies numerous times from the carseat to the bed/crib, and they usually go right back to sleep. But I think it will work better if you're not waking him from a sound sleep every night to do it. GL!

I have to pick up hubby anywhere between 9 and 11pm, it depends on the day, how busy they are and who he is on with as to how much they help clean at the end of the night. I only have the capsule for another week and after that we only have the converatble so I can't put him in his carseat much longer anyway.

We have a loose routine during the day on weekends, and he has a routine at daycare, he generally has his most predictable sleep around 10am although Saturdays it's usually closer to 11am as we go to the library and pick up anything we need to up town if those shops close at midday because it's our only chance all week, then he will usually have another sleep between 12ish-1ish and then another around 5ish. He has been catching up the last couple of days because I was feeling really sick on Wednesday night and by the time I started feeling good enough to function it was nearly midnight and Ronin had refusaed to go to sleep for hubby.

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

"ange84" wrote:

In 1-5 years I will probably be trudging more kids up the stairs after dropping more people home at the end of the night as hubby thinks once we get our van we will be called on for more lifts home. There are 4 people (including hubby) who live in our area, only 1 has a car and can drive.

:eek: i hope i don't offend you but i have to say something here. your hubby is coming off as a little selfish and needs to step up. you mentioned above that the main reason he doesn't drive is because he is lazy and has excuses. to do what is best for his wife and child he needs to get over this. i know you said there were several reasons but you just mentioned those two. it appears that he is not thinking about the two of you and thinks you are his personal chauffer. again, i am REALLY sorry if i upset you or offended you I just couldn't keep quiet about that...

BuckeyeK's picture
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

"ange84" wrote:

He doesn't drive for a number of reasons, one seems to be laziness and hiding behind other excuses.

I hope I don't come across as too harsh, but if your hubby isn't driving purely out of laziness and excuses, that is simply ridiculous. To expect his wife and child to disrupt their sleep because he just doesn't want to drive is unacceptable. Ronin will never get on a decent sleep schedule if he has to be wakened almost every night to go pick up daddy, who is perfectly capable of driving himself except that he doesn't want to. This arrangement isn't fair to you, and it is not fair to Ronin. I think it's time to put your foot down and let hubby take some responsibility for himself!

(You are a much more tolerant wife than I am, lol!)

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

I'm sorry but I agree with both PP's. You hubby needs to drive. He's being really selfish to Ronnin. Your son is going to need unbroken sleep. Everyone needs unbroken sleep. He's just not going to function as he gets older. He's not going to function at school if he has to be woken every night to pick up his dad. It will eventually make him ill. And I honestly mean that. I've seen sleep studies his brain won't be getting the proper rest it needs.

Either that or you should wake your DH up about 2 hours after he's gone to bed, make him do something for an hour or two then he can do back to bed......every night except weekends for the rest of his working life Wink

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I have told hubby he needs to get his learners by June. This is to give him time to learn what he needs to for the test and I gave him so long because he hates reading, but also he has his modules for work as well. I know he can be selfish and lazy, it's just a part of hubby that I have to deal with. I do feel a lot of it comes from his Mum always treating him as her baby and then as an only child.

Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602

"ange84" wrote:

I do feel a lot of it comes from his Mum always treating him as her baby and then as an only child.

oh definitely i agree. i am glad he will be going and doing it. i hope that helps you out a lot!

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

He won't get it by June I know that, but that is when I have given him until. I have to think about what I will do if he hasn't got it by then.

rubber_da_glove's picture
Joined: 12/31/07
Posts: 1527

Glad you have talked to him about it!!!

And I hear you on the spoilt only child thing, my DH is the same...