So surreal

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AnnaRO's picture
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So surreal

We knew it was coming, and we tried to prepare ourselves for it. Unfortunately, it's not something that you can ever really be prepared for. It doesn't seem possible that he could possibly be gone and I'll never have another conversation with him, never hug him again or laugh at with him at some dumb story he told. He was by far the most influential person in my life and him not being there just seems like an impossibility.

Can y'all help me? I am trying to write his obit and I don't know what to put in it. My mom had three babies who died within days of being born, should they be listed as preceding him him death? He has 4 brothers and 7 sisters, should I list them individually? My brother and I are trying to make funeral arrangements and we are going to try to transport him to a town 8 hours away from where he is to bury him near his mother. We've never done this before, so we are figuring it all out. Anyway, off to make more phone calls.

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Big hugs Anna, thinking of you and your family. I'll have to come back to your questions, on my way to work right now, but just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you.

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:bigarmhug:

I'm so so sorry, Anna. The grief of losing a loved one is hard enough without having to deal with the logistics of their burial.

I've never had to write an obituary before but my sense is that you want it to be about the man he was. If listing out the names of every sibling, child, grandchild will take up a page then I feel its perfectly OK to say "nth" son of "x" & "y". Father to "v,w,x,y,z", and grandfather to "abcd." Leaving out his siblings is an easy way to make it more succinct without leaving out any of his accomplishments.

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I'm sorry!! I haven't been around...is it your grandfather?
When I was pg with Owen, my mom passed away. It was horrible. We (my sisters and I) decided to do a list of 100 amazing things about our mom, and we got up and took turns reading the list.
I am very sorry to hear you have to do this right now! I will be praying for comfort for ya, I think I know how you feel right now and you're right...it's so surreal. I STILL have the urge to pick up my phone and call my mom, and she's been gone nearly 2 years.

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"misskaci" wrote:

I'm sorry!! I haven't been around...is it your grandfather?
When I was pg with Owen, my mom passed away. It was horrible. We (my sisters and I) decided to do a list of 100 amazing things about our mom, and we got up and took turns reading the list.
I am very sorry to hear you have to do this right now! I will be praying for comfort for ya, I think I know how you feel right now and you're right...it's so surreal. I STILL have the urge to pick up my phone and call my mom, and she's been gone nearly 2 years.

My dad.

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Anna, I am so, so sorry. It doesn't matter how prepared you think you are, you're never ready. ((((((HUGS))))))
As far as the obituary goes, I've never written one. But just sit down with your mom and siblings and write what seems right. I don't think there is a wrong was to do an obituary. I think probably the funeral home or the newspaper might be able to tell you how people usually write them, if that would help.

Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. I know it is going to be overwhelming for a while, but don't forget to put your feet up and drink a glass of water when you can.

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I'm so sorry about your dad. :bigarmhug:
I've never written one either but I would just list numbers of sibs. and not names to keep it not too long maybe. Ones I've seen before usually mention the parents and then list the living relatives. They usually include names for the ones that live locally I think.

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again, so sorry Anna :bighug:

I have never written one, but for my grandparents their siblings were listed as well as their spouses. If you feel there will be too many names then you could just mention that he had 4 brothers and 7 sisters.

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Lurker

Im so sorry to hear of your loss Anna. My deepest condolences.

As for the obit, when my mum passed away the funeral home kind of had a "template" which helped a lot. I don't think we included my mums sister though. It was all such a blur. If he had a saying he said or anything like that it's always nice to include it.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

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Anna I am sooo sooo sorry. The hurt never goes away but it does get a little easier. I find myself talking to my dad a lot even though he's been gone for almost 8 years now. I tell him about all the things his grandkids are doing and ask him to keep an eye on me when times are tough. I feel him here even though he's not.

Unfortunately I have written an obituary. The funeral home had a template for us to use. We listed all of my dad's brothers and sisters and their spouses individually and his granddaughter (DD1) also. My mom and dad lost a baby between my brother and I and they did name him but we didn't list that baby in the obit. I think though that could be a very personal decision. I think for us it was more about the fact that not many people now even knew about the baby they lost so putting his name in there would probably have caused more confusion kwim?

Take care of yourself hon! Don't forget to ask for help when you need it!!! And we're always here for you if you need to talk.

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I was so sorry to hear about your dad passing away. You're right, there is no amount of preparing that can ease an event like this. :grouphug:

I haven't written an obituary before either. I'm trying to remember my grandfather's (last one I've read). I do remember that I was listed along with his other grandkids, but there were only 5 of us (and he only had 3 kids). Ask someone at the funeral home. I'm sure they're asked this on a regular basis.

My husband and I are thinking and praying for y'all during this difficult time.

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Anna I am so very sorry to hear about your dad. When dh's dad died last year it hit him very hard... I can only imagine what you are feeling :(. Like others have said remember to take care of yourself. Remember ask for help.. dh had trouble eating but I forced him to and I think that was one of the only things I was able to do for him..
As far as the obituary goes... we listed everyone. The funereal company we went with was a big help. It was nice to find a more friendly one opposed to a franchise.. the franchise was depressing.. sadly, you have options there too.. remember that.
Huge hugs to you!! I know this is something that is so very hard..

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:bigarmhug: I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I don't think you can ever really be prepared for something like that. I don't have any advice to add about the obituary, but I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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Anna, I'm so sorry for your loss. This must be so difficult for you right now.

I've helped write an obituary, and from what I learned at the time, you should list the names of his siblings. As for the babies, you could say something like 'He was preceded in death by three infants,' rather than naming them, if you think that naming them would cause confusion. Obituaries are difficult to write, but ultimately the people who matter most are you, your mother, and your brother (and any other siblings, sorry, I don't know how many you have), so you need to write the obituary that means the most to the three of you. If anyone feels left out, then that's their own issue. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks right now, and don't worry about a right way or a wrong way to do things. You aren't supposed to be an expert at this.

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:bighug: I'm so sorry Anna xx

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Anna, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I also don't have any advice for the obit other than ask the funeral home, and do what is best for you and your immediate family. You are your family are in my prayers.

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Im so sorry Anna. I hope that you and your family can find peace one day, and know that he is with the Lord!

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:bigarmhug:

I'm so sorry for your loss Anna. I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you over the last few weeks.

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Anna - I have been meaning to write to you for some time now. I keep starting a reply and then I can't keep typing and try to come back to it but I can never seem to finish it. I want to just reach out to you and give you a BIG OLE' HUG!!!! I know how much heartache and sadness you are having. You know I went through the same thing with my dad, I'm not going to tell you that the hurt will go away but it will lessen......I still have breakdown days but the memories of the happy times and fun stuff I did with my dad pulled me through the tough times. I so hear you about your son not meeting his grandpa, I feel the same way about my 2 youngest but we keep the memories alive and tell them about how great and wonderful he was. You will do the same for your kids.

Your title is just perfect.....SURREAL......that is the exact word.....it's like a dream, will someone please pinch me and let me wake up!! Lots of love and hugs to you girl. PLEASE take care of yourself and PLEASE, PLEASE PM me if you need to .....

ALL MY LOVE TO YOU!!!!!! :openarms: :openarms: ~Laurene