This Terrible Two Stuff is Just Terrible

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TiggersMommy's picture
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This Terrible Two Stuff is Just Terrible

No joke, two-year-olds are freaking challenging. My kid isn't even two yet!! It's not going to get worse, right? It's this defiance nonsense. It doesn't seem to matter what it is that I'm asking/suggesting. She doesn't want anything to do with it.

Everything that was easy is now hard. Getting dressed, showering, getting into the carseat, potty time. Everything that was hard is now impossible. Eating, playing nice with the dogs, cooking with a toddler present.

I must have cleaned up 30 pee puddles this weekend. She REFUSED to pee in the potty. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem except that she also REFUSED to wear a diaper or training pants or even just pants for that matter. She just wants to run naked and pee everywhere. She also now REFUSES to eat at the table. She acts like her chair is trying to kill her.

I know I'm just being exceptionally cranky because DH and I have been sick for like 2 weeks but this whole toddler thing has got me reconsidering having a second child. Please tell me it ends at some point. Or, at least commiserate with me and tell me all the awful things your children do so that I know I'm not alone.

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I've been told after the terrible 2s it's the terrifying 3s followed by the FN 4s. Yay. :roll:
Go for survival. Being sick definitely makes everything so much more frustrating because your mind isn't clear enough to think of creative solutions ...or any solution other than "OMG JUST DO THIS NOW!"

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"alwayssmile" wrote:

I've been told after the terrible 2s it's the terrifying 3s followed by the FN 4s. Yay. :roll:

Terrific.

My creativity cap got lost in my sickness fog. I thought baking would be an awesome distraction. BUT apparently Teagan now has a paralyzing fear of chairs. She would not stand on the chair to help me or even to watch. So, I had to hold her while measuring ingredients and trying to get her to put them in the bowl rather than on the floor. I learned that you shouldn't try to add honey to your muffin batter while holding a toddler. Now, all this would have been solved if I'd thought to just put her in the Ergo but my sick foggy brain didn't think to do that. :hitheadtrout:

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LOL! Yep, Ergo would have helped there....but like we said, sickness brain does not work like a regular brain.
I get short with Aiden when I'm not doing well. Poor kid. He really needed this past weekend out since mommy was so crabby last week.

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it's harder yet easier at 3. Communication is better and you can sometimes convince them to your way of thinking. However, the fits and stubbornness are worse. *sigh*

I've heard 5 is easier?! ha ha

I do think it helps to have two kids though, most of the time they can play together and Ethan actually helps out with Olivia sometimes.

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Lyla has days where she is EXACTLY like that! Today she is being pretty good, but she is absolutely refusing to use the potty at all and throws a fit if I so much as hint at using the potty. I checked and there are no spiders or snakes in it, so I don't know what gives.

I would like to let you hold, squish and kiss my super fat little chunky monkey. He will very quickly make you decide that you do indeed need a second child. Even the days where Lyla is a holy terror and I just want give her away (give, not sell) I still want more kids because of my chunky squish squish. I'm also excited for when Kole gets big enough to play with her. Already I can put Kole on the floor and (with supervision) they entertain each other for a good while. Very helpful when cooking dinner, which can be very literally IMPOSSIBLE at times.

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Good point about having two, ladies. That's what I keep telling DH and myself. Teagan will be old enough that I should be able to trust her with Next Baby for awhile once Next Baby is a few months old. And maybe her being Night Night Baby obsessed will turn into awesome Big Sister-ness.

We are really struggling about what to do in terms of discipline. She's been smacking us and the dogs and teasing the dogs. I simple cannot allow those two things. My dogs are fine around her except for when she smacks them or teases them with this super annoying growl that she does. I can't trust them around her anymore. It makes us mad at her and the dogs. So, we've been very serious about putting an end to the teasing. All the AP stuff we read says to distract, redirect, and reason. Riiiiight. I'm going to reason with a toddler who is cooped up in a 800 square foot house with two nervous dogs. We resorted to time out this weekend because nothing else was working and for her safety we had to do something. I felt like I was losing my AP credentials and that the hippy police were going to come and take her away.

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Uh, yeah. Smacking the dogs is where I get into time outs too. Except that there is NOTHING WRONG with time outs as long as you see/use them for what they're supposed to be--redirection and time to calm down from a really bad behavior, not punishment. I give her one warning "Do you need to go have some quiet time in your room?" and that will often stop the bad behavior (usually replaces it with melting down, but that's better than smacking dogs). If it doesn't, I pick her up and take her in her room and I stay in there with her. Usually it involves her screaming for a minute or two, while I wait patiently, and when she calms down enough then I try to talk to her in an age appropriate way about why we're in there. We come out when she is calm and at least nods yes when I ask if she's ready to be gentle, or whatever.

I don't think judicious use of this type of time out is anti-AP at all. In fact, I got it from Dr. Sears.

And I agree with all of the above: Twos suck, being sick makes it worse, I've heard threes are even more defiant (but yes, better able to communicate, at least) and now you know a big part of why I am creeping ever closer to being sure I'm totally good with ONE kiddo. Sure, babies are cute. And then they, too, turn into two year olds. PLUS another kid to deal with. I am not built for that kind of parenting. I can handle dealing with one, but I think I'm at my patience limit, and I would like us all to make it out of this early childhood stage alive and at least mostly sane Smile

The one GOOD thing I have to offer is that, in this house at least, it's come and gone in waves. Just like with babies, everything that's earth-shatteringly awful one week is a distant memory the next...more or less. One day she's pure joy and delight, the next it's all I can do not to leave her on the curb with a "free" sign. I just try to really cherish and enjoy those delightful days, and get through the others with as little drama as possible. And there's always wine. Wink

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I have tried telling Ronin we only use gentle hands in our house and show him gentle hands, usually running my hand down his cheek. He knows the difference because sometimes when I ask him to show me gentle hands he will hit my face to test me, not hard though, and when I say no we use gentle hands show me your gentle hands he runs his hand down my cheek and off he goes. It's just constant reinforcement and it's tiring to have to constantly reinforce everything, but they just want to test the boundaries and they test them with us because they feel safe.

I have been told often that three is just two, with intent. Basically at two they do stuff because they don't always know it's wrong or why it's wrong, three they know why and that it's wrong but damn it they will do it anyway.

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Oh, and from my lofty vantage point of three months into the future, I can also share that a good trick for parenting in this stage is to harness that independent streak to your own advantage. The one thing Adair wants more than anything in the world is to DO IT HERSELF. So, the day is a constant game of choices...except they're not real choices, they're "Hey, here's what's going to happen now. Are you going to do it, or am I going to do it?" Which works about 90% of the time.

Example:
[Adair, playing]
Me: Hey Addy, time to go now!
[Adair ignoring me, continuing to play/occasionally outright yelling "no!"]
Me: We're going now. Are you going to walk by yourself or do I need to carry you?
Adair: [dropping her toy like it's hot and running after me] I DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also do the count to three thing, if she still doesn't listen after I give her a choice, and usually by "one"she gives in, because she knows when I get to three then I'm taking over the situation and it's the one thing in the world she wants to avoid. Obviously all kids are different, but if you can find a way to exploit their stubbornness...it can work WONDERS.

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i'm right there with you!! i was thinking about writing a post just like this later tonight. We have the defiance A LOT here and not listening. He suddenly doesn't seem interested in any of his toys anymore and would rather play with the house. it has always been like that, but now he refuses any toys and wants to play with things he is not allowed to touch. Sometimes I worry we are too relaxed because DH and I are laid back. I keep telling myself it will end someday.

ETA I am stuck on discipline as well. Redirecting only works for a minute, and i feel like saying "we don't hit, that hurts" does nothing. We tried a "time out" while sitting with him and talking but that did not go over well at all

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Thanks for the sage advice from 3 months in the future, Leigh. I'm going to have to try and figure out how to put her stubbornness to good use.

Janice, about the toys, Teagan goes through phases of not wanting to have anything to do with her toys. You know what works? Hide 90% of them. I just went through and packed up most of T's toys leaving just a few that are "regulars" and the rest were one's she hasn't shown any interest in in months. That very day she played in her room for like an HOUR. I usually rotate her toys but I never thought to limit the number of them so severely. Seriously, its awesome. Go get a trash bag and bag 'em up. Then in a few weeks when he's not looking, swap 'em out.

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Simon doesnt hit us, but will hit something near by, like the table/wall, when he's frusterated. I just think it's their age and we can only do our best and they will get past it.

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"TiggersMommy" wrote:

Thanks for the sage advice from 3 months in the future, Leigh. I'm going to have to try and figure out how to put her stubbornness to good use.

Janice, about the toys, Teagan goes through phases of not wanting to have anything to do with her toys. You know what works? Hide 90% of them. I just went through and packed up most of T's toys leaving just a few that are "regulars" and the rest were one's she hasn't shown any interest in in months. That very day she played in her room for like an HOUR. I usually rotate her toys but I never thought to limit the number of them so severely. Seriously, its awesome. Go get a trash bag and bag 'em up. Then in a few weeks when he's not looking, swap 'em out.

I need to do this. I hid some when she refused to put them away a few weeks ago and honestly forgot about it. She was SO EXCITED when she spotted them in the top of her closet a few days ago--it was like Christmas. Currently her crayons are up there :roll:

Oh and for what it's worth, I found just-before-two to be much worse than 2.25 is so far. The better communication is definitely helping. Hang in there.....

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A lot of the AP discipline stuff is for older toddlers and preschools (and up) I've learned. Not turning 2 year olds. I often remove Aiden away from the situation (like to another room) and tell him we don't hit/whatever and give him a big hug. Kid doesn't hit nearly as much and now he hugs me and tries to ask for something where he used to just go psycho on me first thing. Of course lots of times I have no idea what he's telling me, so then he hits but it's a start that he's at least hugging to get my attention first. My child doesn't sit still ever, so I doubt if a time out would do him much good other than frustrate me. If I want him to be still I have to throw him on my back. Which I have done to cool him off. He'll pull my hair sometimes, but at least he's not throwing books at my head and trying to scratch me.
I do some choices (never more than A or B). He doesn't wear shoes in the house so I ask if he wants his loafers or his sandals and suddenly the choice makes him willing to leave the house. Or "waffles or eggs?" and suddenly he's all interested in breakfast.
My BFF keeps talking to me about Love and Logic stuff. Some of it we're not on board with at all, but it's given us some ideas that I've been talking out with her that is appropriate with AP and the age.
I really need to swap toys around, but I'm waiting till after Friday night. Want to know if we're moving or not. *sigh* I find that organizing the toys and just pulling out one bin (most of Aiden's stuff is in bins) helps a ton some days.

And most days I go for survival because toddlers are rough. And as I've said a hundred times, I do NOT like this age. Give me a 5 year old and I'm a happy woman. I can even handle a group of 4 year olds. But toddlers? Oh dear god no. Makes me want to pull my own hair out.

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ITA with all of this Jackie Smile

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Speaking of AP, did anybody else hear this on the radio this morning? 'Children Succeed' With Character, Not Test Scores : NPR (see Interview Highlights for the most relevant part)

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Yes, 3 is way worse than 2. They can communicate better, which is both easier and WAAAAAAAAAAY harder. 3 takes stubborn and independendent to a whole new level. 4 is a royal PITA with backtalking and sass - think teenager trapped in a child's body. 5 has been a bit easier, although "little mommy" is driving me (and Lainey) crazy at the moment.

I also agree with Leigh that the months leading up to age 2 are worse than the months following. I feel like DD1 was at her worst
terrible 2's' from about 20 - 26 months. After that it slowly got easier. We swore we were one and done for a long time, but felt ready to TTC baby #2 when DD1 was 2 1/2 years old, if that tells you anything.

And yes, a sibling helps. DD2 was and is a great distraction for DD1, and DD1 helps keep DD2 entertained immensely. I highly recommend a sibling. Plus they're really cute when they play together.

Sorry if this was rambling. I have a headache...

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that is a good idea Erin. I have some of his old baby toys in his closet and he is all into them when he goes in there.

The hitting over here has gotten way better, but it still happens once in awhile. he is more likely to do it when he is tired or hungry and i have noticed he has gotten a little better around other little kids.

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"cactuswren" wrote:

Speaking of AP, did anybody else hear this on the radio this morning? 'Children Succeed' With Character, Not Test Scores : NPR (see Interview Highlights for the most relevant part)

TFS! Smile

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"janijanis" wrote:

that is a good idea Erin. I have some of his old baby toys in his closet and he is all into them when he goes in there.

The hitting over here has gotten way better, but it still happens once in awhile. he is more likely to do it when he is tired or hungry and i have noticed he has gotten a little better around other little kids.

I bought a cheap, used fisher price infant to toddler rocker for baby girl recently. Aiden has declared it his and sits in it and even plays with the hanging toys at some point every day.

"NO!" is huge right now here. He answers pretty much everything with no unless you're asking him if he's found trouble in which case he'll reply "okay!" There is no PTing because that's always "No!" Can't wait for communication beyond no.

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Are you sure you don't have Chloe in your house! Smile She has been acting like that for at least 4 months now. She is finally turning over a new leaf, but she used to be so dramatic and mean to us... so I am thinking 2 is the magic number where she turns into that "sweet" baby everyone talks about having? The fits are getting much worse though, like especially at the store and when we are walking anywhere she does not want to hold my hand and throws her head forward. She is also yelling at me, like very rude and mean like. I don't know where she gets this... The only time I even raise my voice at her mean like is when she is trying to fling herself around to prove a point. Luckily she has not hurt herself just yet. Sharing was getting better but all of a sudden if Trevor has anything she freaks out and throws a big fit about it. like a water bottle.
I am thinking I am done having children at this point. haha

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"BuckeyeK" wrote:

I also agree with Leigh that the months leading up to age 2 are worse than the months following. I feel like DD1 was at her worst
terrible 2's' from about 20 - 26 months. After that it slowly got easier. We swore we were one and done for a long time, but felt ready to TTC baby #2 when DD1 was 2 1/2 years old, if that tells you anything.

Yeah, that's why we're not making any official decisions until she's 3. Smile But right now...MAN. Hard to imagine.

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Interesting article, Leigh. I'm going to have to listen to the entire thing sometime later. I think we're at that transition point but we're not quite there yet. I tried using your "I can do or YOU can do it" trick when we were leaving daycare "I can carry you or you can walk" and she chose "sit on the floor and mope". She really doesn't get "or" questions. I have to ask them as two separate questions, to which the answer to both is always "NO".

"MINE" is big right now. I either correct her "No, these are my boobies" or agree with her "Yes, that is YOUR butt."

I'm finally feeling a bit better (a bit) so I was able to use my creativity a bit more tonight. We went to the library after daycare for a bit and I wanted to leave so I whipped the library card out and asked her "Do you know what to do with this?" She grabbed it from me and ran to the check out desk. Then she let us head out (and demanded to play on the playground for 30 minutes). The at home she refused to eat in her chair so I made an impromptu kids table by bringing the coffee table into the living room. Then she insisted that I eat down there with her. Whatever. I could handle that. She then ate FOOD. DH was like "Is she eating?!" and I was like "SHHHHHHuuuut up. Don't jinx it." Now she's in her room reading books with DH. Not a bad night. Probably the best night in several weeks. She was even cool with the dogs for awhile. Enough so that my less anxious dog gave her a slobby kiss.

There's hope for this child yet!

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"TiggersMommy" wrote:

Interesting article, Leigh. I'm going to have to listen to the entire thing sometime later. I think we're at that transition point but we're not quite there yet. I tried using your "I can do or YOU can do it" trick when we were leaving daycare "I can carry you or you can walk" and she chose "sit on the floor and mope". She really doesn't get "or" questions. I have to ask them as two separate questions, to which the answer to both is always "NO".

"MINE" is big right now. I either correct her "No, these are my boobies" or agree with her "Yes, that is YOUR butt."

I'm finally feeling a bit better (a bit) so I was able to use my creativity a bit more tonight. We went to the library after daycare for a bit and I wanted to leave so I whipped the library card out and asked her "Do you know what to do with this?" She grabbed it from me and ran to the check out desk. Then she let us head out (and demanded to play on the playground for 30 minutes). The at home she refused to eat in her chair so I made an impromptu kids table by bringing the coffee table into the living room. Then she insisted that I eat down there with her. Whatever. I could handle that. She then ate FOOD. DH was like "Is she eating?!" and I was like "SHHHHHHuuuut up. Don't jinx it." Now she's in her room reading books with DH. Not a bad night. Probably the best night in several weeks. She was even cool with the dogs for awhile. Enough so that my less anxious dog gave her a slobby kiss.

There's hope for this child yet!

That sounds SO MUCH like some of Lyla's days! Seriously! Lyla doesn't get 'or' questions either and she doesn't answer questions, she just repeats the last few words we said.

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If Aiden didn't baby sign I wouldn't get answers to most choices I give Aiden. Often if it's physical, he'll grab what he wants when I show him rather than answer in sign or speech. Or he only knows how to say one of the choices. He'll say the choice he wants or scream to mean the other choice. Kid is not a talker.

ETA: I'm *really* over all this screaming instead of talking. I feel like I'm grasping at straws trying to figure out what he wants.

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Okay, here's a choice funny from today. We're out of milk and lemonade for his "juice" (majority watered down lemonade lol). So this morning I've been asking him if he wants water. Total melt down each time. Finally I asked him if he wanted ice water or water. Kid started clapping his hands as if to say "good job mom!" and then signed water while trying to say ice. Seriously?! All these melt downs because I didn't say ice water?!

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Oh, man.

So, I think the answer to your original question, Erin, is that yes, it does get better...probably right in sync with improvements in communication. I was talking to DH about this last night, and we agreed that overall Adair is is SUCH a delightful stage right now...WORLDS better than a few months ago. She's hit a new level with her speech, and along with it, her moods. I agree that I think 20-26 months(ish) is kind of a witching zone. Now we're at 27 months and while it's still requiring creative, present parenting skills, and we have plenty of tantrums, they're very short lived and easy to deal with 99.9% of the time. I definitely think your own health and happiness and therefore ability to be a creative and present parent has a lot to do with it too...the worst days are always the ones where YOU already feel short tempered and tired/sick/whatever. Glad yesterday was such an improvement!!! I know you must have really needed a win by now!

So, getting over your evil sinus infection and hanging in there a few more months should do it. Hopefully by Christmas, she'll be much easier to deal with. I'm betting on it.

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Simon`s noncommunication can make things frusterating, but he understands EVERYTHING we say. He surprises me at what he understands sometimes, even when i`m not talking to him but to DH. I have to watch what I say!!! He mostly refuses to talk though, even though I know he can. We have been in contact with Kidsability due to his lack of talking, but even our ped doesnt think it`s reallly developmental but just his stubborn personality.

FOr example I was watching a video about making fondant yesterday and he comes over to see it. THe lady on the video said something about it being sticky, he then ran around saying `sticky` for the next little while. Now if I asked him to say it, he would have gotten mad. LOL! Weirdo!

But regardless, it`s very frusterating when he just whines and points at something. THen has a tantrum because I dont know what he wants!!! I cant wait until he will talk more!

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I've definitely found that communication is a double edged sword. On the one hand, she can ask for things specifically, which is a great help. On the other hand, she can ask for things specifically, which can be a huge PITA. Wink 25% of the time, I understand what she's saying, she gets what she wants, and all is good with the world. 25% of the time, I understand what she's saying, I don't give her what she wants, and the world is coming to an end. The other 50% of the time, I have no clue what she's saying, she most certainly understands what she's saying, chaos ensues.

DH and I have gone through various phases of worrying about her speech. We've come to the conclusion that we're not going to waste time worrying because she is at least improving over the course of a few months and we see that as a good sign. You have to take a step back and compare speech to a few months ago. They grow in little and big spurts. Some are noticeable but many are not. I've come to looking at videos from a few months back to remind myself just how far we've come. Its not always the addition of words that matters and since we're in this super defiant stage its not the ability to reproduce words that matters. I've noticed that Teagan will now often say what *sounds* a lot like a sentence in its cadence and structure and that's a big difference from not too long ago. Yes, I have no idea what she's saying a lot of the time but there's definitely something coming out of there. Kids develop language very differently than you or I would learn a language (though its probably how we should learn languages). Teagan uses "filler" sounds to make sentences a lot. Like she knows that a noun or verb is supposed to go in the sentence but she either can't remember it or can't pronounce it so it comes out garbled. Her pronunciation is getting a lot better as of late and I think that's what has contributed to us understanding more complex sentences. DH and I are both working with her to pronounce words correctly. She starts almost all her words with "d" or "b". Like she'll say "Dater" instead of "Water". We'll correct her by saying "W,w, water" and she'll often pause and then push out the right sound (but sometimes she'll say "W,w dater"). I feel like that is helping a lot.

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Yes, I think all of that is absolutely right. Progress is definitely what you should look for--pace is all over the map. Addy used to do that "W,w dater" thing (with different words/sounds) but now she's losing cute pronunciations left and right, with no notice at all. One day it's "mee-nah" like it's been forever, and then very next day suddenly it's "bunny" and that's that. They all get there eventually, and by kindergarten you won't even be able to tell who talked at 20 months and who talked at 36. It all evens out in the end.

As far as drama when she doesn't get what she wants, you're right, THAT is not improved with communication! Addy still cries like I just stabbed her pet puppy when I tell her she can't, for example, have chocolate for breakfast (yesterday at snack time this caused her to lie on the couch sobbing dramatically for at least a couple of minutes "I neeeeeeeeeed chocolate! I NEED chocolate, Mommy!" but we just take the attitude that "we don't negotiate with toddler terrorists" (we say this to each other, not to her! ;)) and just calmly remind her of her actual options and wait until she's able to ask for something nicely (or at least not with any screaming or whining involved) before we give her anything, ever. Even before she could talk, we'd ask her to TRY to say the word or at least sign/point calmly before we'd respond. No, it doesn't prevent the tantrums, but they are almost always really short, and I feel like over time that's going to get us much better results in long-term behavior than giving in just to get the screaming to stop. That's a short term fix that leads to much longer term headaches.

(And no, I am not perfect at this, and sometimes DH has to gently remind me when he sees me, say, unthinkingly hand her a water bottle in response to her yelling "MY WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" instead of asking her to ask for it nicely first...but it's the overall approach that matters more than individual slip ups! Right?)

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"cactuswren" wrote:

Addy still cries like I just stabbed her pet puppy when I tell her she can't, for example, have chocolate for breakfast (yesterday at snack time this caused her to lie on the couch sobbing dramatically for at least a couple of minutes "I neeeeeeeeeed chocolate! I NEED chocolate, Mommy!" but we just take the attitude that "we don't negotiate with toddler terrorists" (we say this to each other, not to her! ;)) and just calmly remind her of her actual options and wait until she's able to ask for something nicely (or at least not with any screaming or whining involved) before we give her anything, ever.

ROFL That made me nearly spit out my Clif Bar.

ITA with sticking to your guns when it comes to certain things right now. Teagan is big on demanding cheese and vitamins at all times of the day. She used to FREAK THE HELL OUT when I would tell her we only get one vitamin every day but its gotten so much better. If she asks for another one I just have to remind her that we only get one and she's satisfied. She gets really really mad when I tell her she can't have cheddar cheese for breakfast but she's recently been fine it I tell her we'll be having some for dinner (usually not a lie because we eat a lot of cheese). The very worst thing I could ever do is let her have cheese for breakfast. That's totally akin to giving in to the terrorists' demands. We really have to choose our battles at this point. I try to have as few non-negotiable issues as possible. For instance, I don't give a flying Frack where and how Teagan eats her meals so long as its not on the couch or on my lap. She can eat in the cupboard for all I care but if I were to let her sit on my lap just once then I'd be in for trouble. I also really don't care if she wears PJs to bed. Diaper and teeth brushing are non-negotiable. Just like the carseat. I feel like giving her a lot of choice in how she does things that don't really matter to me makes her feel better about giving me the say over how the big things go down. She has a pretty firm grasp on what it means when I'm seriously not joking and the tantrums that she may have over my requests are usually short-lived because of it.

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Yes, ITA with all of this! I'm big on picking battles and not sweating the small stuff. Sometimes this is where the inconsistencies come in, because DH picks a battle over something I've already established is OK, but we're working on that. One big sticker right now is DH is adamant that she eat only in her high chair, EVER (even if I just want to hand her a chip). Because she's super messy and gets crumbs everywhere. Me, I'm all "...so get the vacuum?" Ugh. Not resolved yet.

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I think keeping things pretty free with your non negotiables is good. I am constantly telling Ronin the car seat is a non negotiable. I am lucky he is flexible and goes with the flow, but bedtime is our witching hour, he still refuses.

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"cactuswren" wrote:

One big sticker right now is DH is adamant that she eat only in her high chair, EVER (even if I just want to hand her a chip). Because she's super messy and gets crumbs everywhere. Me, I'm all "...so get the vacuum?" Ugh. Not resolved yet.

OMG, Izzy too! He used to be so much worse about it. He would get really snippy with Teagan when she threw stuff on the floor. I would have to very sternly remind HIM that she's just a baby and that babies make messes. He's better about it now but he's nuts about her throwing food on the floor. The no eating on the couch rule is because of him. I really don't care because I've given up on keeping our couch clean. I figure we'll just get a nice new one when the kids are older. Smile

Something that's helped a lot with food throwing is giving her a place to put stuff she doesn't want. We give her a unpaper towel and she can put it there or she can put it on our plate (if she hasn't already toddler-slobbed it).

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"cactuswren" wrote:

(And no, I am not perfect at this, and sometimes DH has to gently remind me when he sees me, say, unthinkingly hand her a water bottle in response to her yelling "MY WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" instead of asking her to ask for it nicely first...but it's the overall approach that matters more than individual slip ups! Right?)

this is something i need to work on as well. sometimes he walks up to me and grunts or whines and yanks on me and i tell him i won't go with him until he asks me nicely. but for other things like that i need to work on more, he is VERY grabby.

our issue right now is stairs. he is pretty good going up and down them, but we want to be there just in case obviously. He has a tendancy to just run up or down them when we arn't looking, or when we are in the kitchen or bathroom etc. The odd time he will pull our hand to go up with him but we want to get a to a point where he is telling us or asking us to go upstairs with him. That is a work in progress still lol

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Simon is totally fine doing upstairs alone, but his down still makes me nervous. He normally waits for us though since he knows he has to hold someone`s hand. But still, nerve wracking!

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Aiden doesn't realize he's a toddler. He walks up and down the stairs like an adult and does it faster than me most days. I've given up on trying to watch him on stairs. I just keep all the doors closed with those child protectors on the knobs so he can only get in and out of his bedroom upstairs.
I'm a bit peeved at DH. This morning when he left, he closed our bedroom door - a major no no! I have no idea when Aiden got up. I do know it was 7:45am when he started banging on my bedroom door with two plates in his hands. At least I didn't see any damage downstairs. *sigh* I want the gate to be set up at the top of the stairs so he can't go downstairs till I wake up to him, but DH won't ever set it up when he leaves. :banghead:

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"cactuswren" wrote:

Oh, and from my lofty vantage point of three months into the future, I can also share that a good trick for parenting in this stage is to harness that independent streak to your own advantage. The one thing Adair wants more than anything in the world is to DO IT HERSELF. So, the day is a constant game of choices...except they're not real choices, they're "Hey, here's what's going to happen now. Are you going to do it, or am I going to do it?" Which works about 90% of the time.

Example:
[Adair, playing]
Me: Hey Addy, time to go now!
[Adair ignoring me, continuing to play/occasionally outright yelling "no!"]
Me: We're going now. Are you going to walk by yourself or do I need to carry you?
Adair: [dropping her toy like it's hot and running after me] I DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also do the count to three thing, if she still doesn't listen after I give her a choice, and usually by "one"she gives in, because she knows when I get to three then I'm taking over the situation and it's the one thing in the world she wants to avoid. Obviously all kids are different, but if you can find a way to exploit their stubbornness...it can work WONDERS.

This approach works wonders with Olivia most of the time too!

"alwayssmile" wrote:

Okay, here's a choice funny from today. We're out of milk and lemonade for his "juice" (majority watered down lemonade lol). So this morning I've been asking him if he wants water. Total melt down each time. Finally I asked him if he wanted ice water or water. Kid started clapping his hands as if to say "good job mom!" and then signed water while trying to say ice. Seriously?! All these melt downs because I didn't say ice water?!

LMAO! I had a similar situation. Olivia kept asking for "Cold" "cold". Finally figured out she hates water that's room temp! It has to be very cold!

"TiggersMommy" wrote:

ROFL That made me nearly spit out my Clif Bar.

ITA with sticking to your guns when it comes to certain things right now. Teagan is big on demanding cheese and vitamins at all times of the day. She used to FREAK THE HELL OUT when I would tell her we only get one vitamin every day but its gotten so much better. If she asks for another one I just have to remind her that we only get one and she's satisfied. She gets really really mad when I tell her she can't have cheddar cheese for breakfast but she's recently been fine it I tell her we'll be having some for dinner (usually not a lie because we eat a lot of cheese). The very worst thing I could ever do is let her have cheese for breakfast. That's totally akin to giving in to the terrorists' demands. We really have to choose our battles at this point. I try to have as few non-negotiable issues as possible. For instance, I don't give a flying Frack where and how Teagan eats her meals so long as its not on the couch or on my lap. She can eat in the cupboard for all I care but if I were to let her sit on my lap just once then I'd be in for trouble. I also really don't care if she wears PJs to bed. Diaper and teeth brushing are non-negotiable. Just like the carseat. I feel like giving her a lot of choice in how she does things that don't really matter to me makes her feel better about giving me the say over how the big things go down. She has a pretty firm grasp on what it means when I'm seriously not joking and the tantrums that she may have over my requests are usually short-lived because of it.

Yes, this helps too. Sticking with a couple things that are non-negotiable. Car Seat, no food in the bedroom, teeth brushing are all non-negotiable for us.

"alwayssmile" wrote:

Aiden doesn't realize he's a toddler. He walks up and down the stairs like an adult and does it faster than me most days. I've given up on trying to watch him on stairs. I just keep all the doors closed with those child protectors on the knobs so he can only get in and out of his bedroom upstairs.
I'm a bit peeved at DH. This morning when he left, he closed our bedroom door - a major no no! I have no idea when Aiden got up. I do know it was 7:45am when he started banging on my bedroom door with two plates in his hands. At least I didn't see any damage downstairs. *sigh* I want the gate to be set up at the top of the stairs so he can't go downstairs till I wake up to him, but DH won't ever set it up when he leaves. :banghead:

I've be really pissed at DH!

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"TiggersMommy" wrote:

OMG, Izzy too! He used to be so much worse about it. He would get really snippy with Teagan when she threw stuff on the floor. I would have to very sternly remind HIM that she's just a baby and that babies make messes. He's better about it now but he's nuts about her throwing food on the floor. The no eating on the couch rule is because of him. I really don't care because I've given up on keeping our couch clean. I figure we'll just get a nice new one when the kids are older. Smile

Something that's helped a lot with food throwing is giving her a place to put stuff she doesn't want. We give her a unpaper towel and she can put it there or she can put it on our plate (if she hasn't already toddler-slobbed it).

Yeah...this isn't really throwing so much as just dripping/spilling/making crumbs. She manages to make even things that SHOULD be clean messy somehow. I agree that it's annoying and I do try to only give her reasonably non-mess-making snacks to walk around with, but the chair ALL the time? Argh. Cleaning up a few crumbs is so much easier in my book.

"alwayssmile" wrote:

Aiden doesn't realize he's a toddler. He walks up and down the stairs like an adult and does it faster than me most days. I've given up on trying to watch him on stairs. I just keep all the doors closed with those child protectors on the knobs so he can only get in and out of his bedroom upstairs.
I'm a bit peeved at DH. This morning when he left, he closed our bedroom door - a major no no! I have no idea when Aiden got up. I do know it was 7:45am when he started banging on my bedroom door with two plates in his hands. At least I didn't see any damage downstairs. *sigh* I want the gate to be set up at the top of the stairs so he can't go downstairs till I wake up to him, but DH won't ever set it up when he leaves. :banghead:

GET THIS GATE: Amazon.com: The First Years Hands Free Gate: Baby

It is completely awesome--stays in the doorframe and you just open it with a pedal so it is totally hands free. Swings both ways, and is absolutely toddler-proof, because even though they figure out how to open it very quickly, they're simply not heavy enough to trip the mechanism. AND it's pressure-installed, not screwed in or anything, so you can totally move it around from house to house without damage or much work. I hate, hate, HATE those wooden gates that you either have to climb over or put up/take down all the time. The only annoyance with this one is that Adair is obsessed with shutting it, so the dogs are always getting stuck on the wrong side and whining. But that's not a problem for you! (And if toddler shutting is a REAL problem, you can always bungee it open, we just don't usually bother)

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Yeah, those types of gates don't work with our staircase at all. We had a horrible time finding a single gate to work there when we moved in. All we could find was a short pressure extra wide gate that works there - sooooo not top of stair rated at all. But the only gates rated for top of stairs aren't wide enough with extensions or with extensions they're too tall ( stupid half wall and it has to fit under the railing!). The only other option is to put a gate in his doorway. The builder seriously did not think about kids when building this house. Blum 3

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Oh, boo! Well, you'll be moving soon at least, right?

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We find out Friday night what's going on with that! Have to admit I'm a bit nervous.

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Yes, agreed that almost 2's are a NIGHTMARE! Though there are days that my 7 year old really puts that 22 month old fire (aka:Odin) to shame in the nightmare department. These things go in cycles though. I seem to remember some really great momements at the end of age 3, beginning of age 5, and middle part of age 6 Smile Keeping my fingers crossed that age 8 will be the golden age!

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It goes in waves. DS1 was a PITA at around 18 months to 2ish then great until he learned to talk at about 2years 8 months. Then he was a pain in the backside again Lol He was getting better but now he's naughty on purpose. Like walking round the shops yelling "PENIS" or kicking Tobey or climbing on top of the sofa back and jumping on it. His pre school teachers say he's really kind and polite at school so he must save it all up for being at home *sigh*

Apart from being clingy Tobey is a breeze compared to DS1 at the same age. But he doesn't really have the "destroy everything in sight" mantra DS1 had

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"rubber_da_glove" wrote:

His pre school teachers say he's really kind and polite at school so he must save it all up for being at home *sigh*

Oh, they TOTALLY do that. My mom watches Addy on Mondays, and she says she is always a 100% dream child the entire day. The minute I walk in, on bad days, my mom is SHOCKED at the change in behavior (although she also understands it because she's been a teacher for a long time and knows that kids absolutely reserve their worst behavior for their parents. I.E. the people they know will love them and take care of them anyway!)

Although I have to say, I am LOVING 26 months so far (hey, today, actually!). Adair has been nothing but totally delightful for many days in a row now. Her favorite expression is a cheerful "Oh. Okay!" (As in: "Open it, please!" "No, we need to buy it and take it home to wash it first, and then you can have it." "Oh. Okay!") She still throws a mini tantrum a few times a day of course, being 2 and all, but it's a minor blip in an overall blissful state of goodnatured-ness. I'm not naive enough to think it will last forever, but I am treasuring every single moment right now!!!!!!!!! ITA that these things come in waves...just like everything else about parenting. I'm just trying my best to ride the highs and not drown in the lows.

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"rubber_da_glove" wrote:

Apart from being clingy Tobey is a breeze compared to DS1 at the same age. But he doesn't really have the "destroy everything in sight" mantra DS1 had

I'm glad my son isn't the only child with that mantra! LOL

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Lucas is an angel at daycare!!! right now he is refusing almost all fruit for me but he eats it all up at daycare.

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Totally agree, Janice. Evan eats pretty much whatever they have at daycare. I could serve the same thing and he turns his nose up at it. At least I know he CAN eat it. Stubborn little boy!!

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Yeah--Addy's been eating the snacks at daycare and NOT eating the lunch I pack her. It would be more annoying except that she always wants to eat her sandwich later at home (it's in a fridge all day, so that's fine). I think maybe she just likes their morning snack so much she's filling up on it, and not that hungry yet by lunchtime.

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Leigh, Aiden is doing that. He was a non snacker up until the past couple of weeks and now he's refusing meals and just want snacks. But then complains b/c his snacks are healthy. lol

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