Yes, I think all of that is absolutely right. Progress is definitely what you should look for--pace is all over the map. Addy used to do that "W,w dater" thing (with different words/sounds) but now she's losing cute pronunciations left and right, with no notice at all. One day it's "mee-nah" like it's been forever, and then very next day suddenly it's "bunny" and that's that. They all get there eventually, and by kindergarten you won't even be able to tell who talked at 20 months and who talked at 36. It all evens out in the end.
As far as drama when she doesn't get what she wants, you're right, THAT is not improved with communication! Addy still cries like I just stabbed her pet puppy when I tell her she can't, for example, have chocolate for breakfast (yesterday at snack time this caused her to lie on the couch sobbing dramatically for at least a couple of minutes "I neeeeeeeeeed chocolate! I NEED chocolate, Mommy!" but we just take the attitude that "we don't negotiate with toddler terrorists" (we say this to each other, not to her! ) and just calmly remind her of her actual options and wait until she's able to ask for something nicely (or at least not with any screaming or whining involved) before we give her anything, ever. Even before she could talk, we'd ask her to TRY to say the word or at least sign/point calmly before we'd respond. No, it doesn't prevent the tantrums, but they are almost always really short, and I feel like over time that's going to get us much better results in long-term behavior than giving in just to get the screaming to stop. That's a short term fix that leads to much longer term headaches.
(And no, I am not perfect at this, and sometimes DH has to gently remind me when he sees me, say, unthinkingly hand her a water bottle in response to her yelling "MY WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" instead of asking her to ask for it nicely first...but it's the overall approach that matters more than individual slip ups! Right?)
ITA with sticking to your guns when it comes to certain things right now. Teagan is big on demanding cheese and vitamins at all times of the day. She used to FREAK THE HELL OUT when I would tell her we only get one vitamin every day but its gotten so much better. If she asks for another one I just have to remind her that we only get one and she's satisfied. She gets really really mad when I tell her she can't have cheddar cheese for breakfast but she's recently been fine it I tell her we'll be having some for dinner (usually not a lie because we eat a lot of cheese). The very worst thing I could ever do is let her have cheese for breakfast. That's totally akin to giving in to the terrorists' demands. We really have to choose our battles at this point. I try to have as few non-negotiable issues as possible. For instance, I don't give a flying Frack where and how Teagan eats her meals so long as its not on the couch or on my lap. She can eat in the cupboard for all I care but if I were to let her sit on my lap just once then I'd be in for trouble. I also really don't care if she wears PJs to bed. Diaper and teeth brushing are non-negotiable. Just like the carseat. I feel like giving her a lot of choice in how she does things that don't really matter to me makes her feel better about giving me the say over how the big things go down. She has a pretty firm grasp on what it means when I'm seriously not joking and the tantrums that she may have over my requests are usually short-lived because of it.
Yes, ITA with all of this! I'm big on picking battles and not sweating the small stuff. Sometimes this is where the inconsistencies come in, because DH picks a battle over something I've already established is OK, but we're working on that. One big sticker right now is DH is adamant that she eat only in her high chair, EVER (even if I just want to hand her a chip). Because she's super messy and gets crumbs everywhere. Me, I'm all "...so get the vacuum?" Ugh. Not resolved yet.
Something that's helped a lot with food throwing is giving her a place to put stuff she doesn't want. We give her a unpaper towel and she can put it there or she can put it on our plate (if she hasn't already toddler-slobbed it).
our issue right now is stairs. he is pretty good going up and down them, but we want to be there just in case obviously. He has a tendancy to just run up or down them when we arn't looking, or when we are in the kitchen or bathroom etc. The odd time he will pull our hand to go up with him but we want to get a to a point where he is telling us or asking us to go upstairs with him. That is a work in progress still lol
Aiden doesn't realize he's a toddler. He walks up and down the stairs like an adult and does it faster than me most days. I've given up on trying to watch him on stairs. I just keep all the doors closed with those child protectors on the knobs so he can only get in and out of his bedroom upstairs.
I'm a bit peeved at DH. This morning when he left, he closed our bedroom door - a major no no! I have no idea when Aiden got up. I do know it was 7:45am when he started banging on my bedroom door with two plates in his hands. At least I didn't see any damage downstairs. *sigh* I want the gate to be set up at the top of the stairs so he can't go downstairs till I wake up to him, but DH won't ever set it up when he leaves.
Ethan - June 21, 2009
Olivia - December 5, 2010
5w3d - October/November 2012
My Ovulation Chart
Amazon.com: The First Years Hands Free Gate: Baby
It is completely awesome--stays in the doorframe and you just open it with a pedal so it is totally hands free. Swings both ways, and is absolutely toddler-proof, because even though they figure out how to open it very quickly, they're simply not heavy enough to trip the mechanism. AND it's pressure-installed, not screwed in or anything, so you can totally move it around from house to house without damage or much work. I hate, hate, HATE those wooden gates that you either have to climb over or put up/take down all the time. The only annoyance with this one is that Adair is obsessed with shutting it, so the dogs are always getting stuck on the wrong side and whining. But that's not a problem for you! (And if toddler shutting is a REAL problem, you can always bungee it open, we just don't usually bother)