Throwing myself a pity party

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AnnaRO's picture
Last seen: 6 months 3 weeks ago
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033
Throwing myself a pity party

Read at your own risk

I realize that most of this is likely pregnancy hormone related, but some of these complaints are long-standing.

I feel like DH could not care less about me being pg. Or I should say, my symptoms of being pg. He completely ignores any and all complaints I may have regarding fatigue, discomfort, even pain. He was much more sympathetic and caring when I was pg with Lyla. He never complained about housekeeping or dishes not being done. Now, I feel like I get a long lecture every time I leave a dish in the sink. He's home all day, not working and I feel like he could really cook more, or at least do the dishes after I cook, but instead I feel like I get nagged when things aren't done his way. Needless to say we haven't been getting along.
Example: Earlier tonight during Lyla's bedtime routine DH randomly decided he needed to rotate the mattress around, so he starts dragging it around on the bed. I commented that he was messing up the bedskirt and he said he didn't care. I informed him that there was no way I would be able to fix it by myself and why couldn't we wait with the mattress until I could help him. Then (after ignoring my question) decided to just rotate the mattress 90 degrees. It's a king size pillow top that's about 5 years old and it's got impressions on both sides where we sleep creating a bit of a lump in the middle. I told him that having that lump right there was not going to be good for my back. So he sarcastically says, "Well, we won't do that then since it has a lump." To which I defensively replied that I have enough trouble with my back and with sleeping and don't want to add anything else to it. And THEN he says he doesn't want to fight with me, he'll just put it back the way it was if it's gonna cause a fight! I am so fed up with this!! As if I want to fight!

Anyway, all that to say that I feel so completely alone, unsupported and depressed. I've thought about leaving, but I've got no place to go and no money to go there with. And I know that everything is magnified because of the raging hormones (an extreme symptom for me it seems).

That's not to say that he doesn't help out because he does. And he feels like he does more than me, but I've been keeping score and he just has a different way of calculating equivalence. For instance, me standing at the sink washing dishes and him bringing me dishes to wash for him makes us equal. For me that barely counts as helping.

Anyway, I'll probably wake up in the morning and realize that I shouldn't have spewed all my dirty laundry here.

laurensmitty1982's picture
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 1117

You are not alone, I just feel bad that you are pregnant and feeling this way because I always felt more vulnerable when I was pregnant. Men just dont get it and I honestly dont think they ever will. I hope you feel better tomorrow..

Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
Joined: 06/22/10
Posts: 5602


i agree with everything Lauren said. I felt like this 100 times more when I was pregnant. I hope things get better

alwayssmile's picture
Last seen: 3 years 1 month ago
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Anna, you are not alone! Trust me. In the long run this is just a speed bump in your marriage. But right now it sucks! I'm sure him being unemployed is affecting him and he doesn't know how to be at home and WORK at home (all the stuff you've been doing). Remember my posts just earlier this month? My husband kept telling me to "figure it out myself" with all the crap that was coming down on US. I was so overwhelmed I was serious when I said I was about to tell him have fun on his own, call me in March if he still wants me. At one point I was so done with DS and DH both that I considered just leaving DS with DH and showing up on my friend's doorstep. Looking back it was just a speed bump, but it doesn't mean that my feelings and irritations were't real and weren't serious. I can only imagine how psycho I would have gotten had I been pregnant at the same time!
I hope y'all are able to sit down and talk and listen to each other soon. :grouphug:

BuckeyeK's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 10/23/06
Posts: 3087

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! And you are absolutely not alone. My hubby wants me to be a full time stay at home mom with all that comes with that *and* work a full time job with a paycheck at the same time (I've fallen somewhere in the middle while I'm in grad school, but that's beside the point).

I agree with the others, it is probably the stress of being unemployed, plus you have another little one on the way. I'm sure he's feeling the crunch. That's no excuse for his behavior, but is possibly an explanation. Hopefully you will get a chance to sit down and talk it out soon.

TiggersMommy's picture
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I bet you anything he's just feeling really down about being unemployed and unfairly taking it out on you. Its also really hard to switch gears and do "family" work. DH and I write out a list of chores that we both agree splits the work evenly. He ignores the list most of the time but at least its there and I can point at it when the dishes start to pile up. Men don't seem to understand that the family work we do is hard. They help out where they can but most of the time the things they do can be put off or done half-assed. We can't exactly do a half *** job of feeding and diapering our kids!

He might also be struggling to connect with this pregnancy. Perhaps a little time spent talking about all the exciting things that are about to happen is in order? Stay away from topics that might bring up money though.


redneckgirl82884's picture
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 12/17/08
Posts: 955

I think Erin made a good point there. I hate that Kurt seems to be taking things out on you. I would also sit down one night when Lyla is in bed and tell him that it's probably hormones but you're upset. Maybe ask him what exciting things he looks forward to doing with Kole when he gets bigger. I hope things get better! ((((hugs))))

stacymh's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 03/16/10
Posts: 1807


Anna, I'm sorry you are going through this. I think you've gotten some great advice from the others, there is nothing better that I could say. I hope you two can talk about things and it gets better. And remember you can talk anytime with us.

Vstarr's picture
Last seen: 3 years 12 months ago
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 895

You probably don't really want my advice since I filed for divorce the last time I was pg. I will give you HUGS though! :bigarmhug:

Newlywed630's picture
Last seen: 3 years 4 months ago
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770

Weird my husband was the same way with Chloe's pregnancy! even with chloe as a newborn he wasn't the same as he was with trevor. I hope ya'll can work it out. Dh and I are getting along so well lately I wish I could tell you how I flipped his switch but I don't even know.. He actually admits now that he is just being lazy/taking things out on me. Maybe a long talk would help or a date night? Good luck! And they say women are hard to understand!