Touchy Subject... PPD

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Touchy Subject... PPD

I got this email today from babycentre...

http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/my-year-with-postpartum-depression/?scid=momsbaby_20110426:4&pe=MlV6QmlubHwyMDExMDQyNg..

...and... ugh, I feel like I'm admitting to a cocaine or herion addiction... or like I've failed miserabley at being mom & wife (to-be)... but the story hits so close to home for me; it's as if I was reading about my own life right now... (excluding this baby being number 4 for me)

So I'm terrified, but I think I have PPD ... and now I'm freaking out about it because I'm too scared to say anything to anyone. I know DF knows something has been/is wrong and it seems to be getting worse, but I don't know if he thinks it's this or if he even really knows about PPD...

I can't really even begin to explain how upset ... I feel like I must have done something wrong in my life to have this happen... does that make sense? I don't understand why this is happening... I just want to be normal again...

laurensmitty1982's picture
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Sad Hun I know you can get through this but you should try to talk to your DF and your OB. You dont have to tell anyone else but possibly talking to your OB can give you some tips on how to get out of the funk you have been in and you talking to your DF will help because he may be able to step up a little and take care of things so its easier on you.

After having any of my kids I have always felt off. Not completely myself and usually I dont come back until I have lost all the weight and get sleep back. I know that its not the same as PPD but its hard to function when you dont feel like yourself. I usually take trips by myself once a year too just to get a way and recroup.. I hope you feel better soon..

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:bighug: i don't really have any advice, but you should definitely talk to someone so you can feel better.

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I'm in a similar situation, though I think mine went from severe anxiety to depression. I know now (looking back) how I completely lost my mind for a while. It started during the last 2 months of pregnancy and seemed to calm down around the time Lyla was 4 months old. But I know that I am not doing as well as I should, or enjoying motherhood as much as I should all the time. It isn't severe, but I have moments still.

Since I am not working I don't have health insurance and we can't afford for me to go to the doctor so there is nothing to be done for it. So in my case, I am just grateful that it isn't severe and I hope that it will continue to get better on it's own.

You are not alone, not even on this board. You don't have to tell anyone. You should call your OB, but nobody else needs to know unless you want them to. I didn't mean to hijack your thread in any way, Stacy. I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel.

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Maybe it's not fullfledge PPD... I'm just in such a 'funk' Sad I'm such a strong person normally. I'm known as 'the life of the party', I've always got a smile on my face, a stupid joke to tell... I'm always up for a good time... but for awhile now I've been feeling off and it seems like I'm getting farther from the/my mark... I don't know how I got here, or what I can do to get out of it... I don't feel myself much anymore. I love my DF and my girls beyond words. I want to be able to show it & have them know it no matter what. Lately it seems like lately I'm constantly tired, crusty and crying. I feel like I can't fully get into/get excited about something - family outtings, going out by myself, going to swimming lesssons w DD1, or just having Sophie & me time it all seems to be 'flat'... I don't know if the weather is part of it too... it's been a long winter cooped up indoors and I know I'm not the only one who is going stir crazy and now that it has rained almost constantly for weeks straight I still can't really get out of the house. My DF works evenings, so he leaves here on Tues, Wed and Thurs at 2p and doesn't come home till 1230a and then on Fri and Sat he leaves here at 430p and then is at work until 230a ... so because of his late hours, he sleeps in most days (10a & sometimes later) so it just feels like he gets up, gets ready for work and then in a whirl wind is gone and I'm alone to look after the girls & do all the housework... Ugh... I mean, not all days are bad, but some days are REALLY bad...

Thank you all for just reading/listening... Smile You ladies are the best

... and thank you so much Anna!! Your post meant so much to me!!

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Sounds like your dh and mine live the same lives. My dh works those same hours and usually sleeps in till 10am which drives me nuts but I tend to leave him with the kids by "finding" something to do so he has to wake up.

I think you should find something for yourself to do a couple times a week like breakfast with gfs, exercising, or even just driving around. I hope you find yourself again.. We are here for you!

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I think I'm also in a depression. After Glenns dad died, lots of emotions have been sitting on my chest and I just can't seem to function very well. I've talked with Glenn and to be honest he either doesn't care or just doesn't know how to respond. either way I'm dealing with it alone. Like Anna, I have no insurance and can't go to a doctor or I would. I'm just taking things day by day. Not tryin to hijacking your thread, sorry. but just know you aren't alone.

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Totally talk with your DH and your doctor so you can get some help. There is no need to talk to friends and family if you don't feel like you want to, things like that are personal unless you want to share. Getting help though from your spouse and doctor can help you get back to a place you want to be. I'm sorry your going through this hun.

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Please talk to your doctor!!! I was diagnosed with PPD (well more like PP OCD, but whatever, pretty much the same) early on and started on Zoloft. It took a bit to work, but i feel 100% better now. i remember how anxious and hopeless I felt for awhile. It was at it's peak over xmas which sucked, but now I feel normal!! (I still worry about ds, but the doctor also thinks something is not right so at least it's not just me now!).

If you do go on meds, which I recommend because that is the only thing that worked for me (I talked to a counsellor as well but i dont feel that helped much) just keep in mind they take awhile to work and sometimes things can get a bit worse before they get better. For about 2 weeks after starting the meds I had more anxiety and wanted to quit them, but continued on and had the dosages adjusted and like i said, now i feel great!

And I am still breastfeeding, these drugs have been around along time and they are known to be safe whil breastfeeding, so dont worry about that.

I hope you feel better really soon! Smile

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BIG ((HUGS))
I had it BAD with DD#1 and had to get help....
DS I didn't...and DD#2 I had felt a little down, but feeling better.
Talk w/ your doctor...you deserve it:0) ((HUGS))

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Thank you for sharing that. I see myself in a lot of that article, too. I don't know if I have full fledged PPD, but I definitely seem to be in some sort of a funk. This part describes me exactly: "I had no desire to do anything. Go anywhere. Create. Make. Cook. Clean. Teach. All the roles I normally filled felt lifeless and dull. Nothing interested me."

If you're feeling down or not like yourself, it can't hurt to talk to someone about it. Please do. You deserve to feel good.

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:grouphug:

As you can tell from others, it's not just you feeling like this. A lot of women go through this. I do encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, even a doctor. It really is a good thing that you're recognizing this. ((hugs))

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honey, please get your DF and your ob into the loop and ask for help. I have been dealing with PPD from the start and I really don't want to see you suffer.

The meds do help (I've been on Remeron since the day after Charlotte was born) and remember if you need anything I am here

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So DF and I have talked alittle. He says he doesn't really understand how I'm feeling, but if I don't feel right, then I should talk to our Dr. He says he knows it's probably not healthy to cry all the time or that I don't really feel interested in things anymore so something must be wrong; but he has no idea how to help... He says it's nothing to be ashamed about and that he's pretty sure it happens to a lot of women, but he sounded like he was reading from a script when he said it... The whole conversation actually made me feel kinda worse. Sad I feel like my actions are ruining his experience at being a first time dad (as you all know DD1 is from a previous relationship). I feel that because I'm all over the place, crying & yelling one min and then completely happy the next, that it's making it hard for him to really enjoy Sophie and all the new and exciting things she is doing/learning. I feel like the worst person in the world. We haven't said yes or no to another child, but I'm scared now because of everything that is happening this time that DF won't want another child in fear that I will be like this again... I actually feel incredibly selfish & like I've made up my issues for attention. And I'm terrifed to talk to my Dr about it... I feel like if I tell him, I'll look like I'm just faking my symptoms and I'm playing wolf or something... I'm so scared that once I tell someone that everyone will know and they will look at me differently, and they'll say terrible things about me being a bad parent... I know I sound crazy...

After our tiny talk, DF and I both agreed that we are going to place DD1 back into daycare/preschool. We both feel that she needs more stimulation that I am able to provide for her here at the house. It seems like poor DD1 is getting tossed on the back burner because of Sophie's constant demands... We don't have many friends w children DD1's age (or children at all) so we don't have a lot of opportunities for playdates either. Sad So I feel her going to a daycare two (maybe three) days a week will help her A LOT. She will get out of the house, have some direction, she'll be able to do all kinds of arts n crafts, be outside, etc etc and mainly be able to play w and develop friendships w children her own age. I also think this will really help all of us out too. DD1 will get the entertainment she needs & social interaction, DF and I will get our own time w Sophie, and we will both get (hopefully) so much needed 'us' time while Sophie naps before he goes to work. I really really think this will really help me feel more like me again too - maybe I won't feel torn in so many directions, with everyone else's wants and needs...

I haven't made the phone call to my Dr just yet... DF is very adamant about me doing so asap... I just keep thinking maybe I don't need the medication, that's there's got to be something else I can do to help me... I don't know what to do...

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Day care may even help you meet some other Mum's and help give you more chancces for a break with Brooke getting to go for play dates or just someone for you to meet up with for coffee.
I agree on talking with your doctor. I was flagged for PPD a number of times during pregnancy and especially when Ronin was born, I was even referred to mental health for a couple of months. It didn't come to full on PPD and it was detrmined I didn't need medication, but it helped some. I was a bit uncomfortable and probably didn't get the most out of it because in my line of work we often work with mental health and I was scared that I would have to work with the same person in a professional capacity at some stage as well, which is why over the years whenever I have probably needed counselling I won't seek it because I work with the same people in a proffessional capcity too often.
I still feel off some days, but I am trying to work through it. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help, otherwise you end up isolated and worse off. Oh and I am great at giving the advice, but terrible at following it myself like most people.

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Oh Stacy, talk to you dr, please! I've never personally dealt with PPD, but I have had several friends that dealt with it. There is NO shame in it!

I know it's not exactly the same thing, but during this pregnancy when I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, I felt really bad about it and completely embarrassed at first. Most of my IRL friends and acquaintances didn't know, just you girls mostly (at first). I mentioned the embarrassment to my dr in passing and he sat down and looked me in the eye and told me, "You have no control, hon, I'm sorry, but you just can't control this. It's not something you've done wrong. It's what your body is doing to you, not the other way around. There is no shame in GD, PPD, baby blues, nothing! As much as you'd like to think you can control everything, you just can't control hormones!" He was right, of course. And once I really took to heart what he said, I knew he was right. I'm a total control freak and I just had it in my head with the word diabetes that I had somehow brought this on myself.

You are a fantastic momma! You are beautiful and wonderful and you CAN do this. Give your dr a call!

(next baby, if there is another one. look very seriously into placenta encapsulation.)

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Talk to your doctor! Like the others have said, do not feel ashamed. You did nothing to cause this. It's perfectly normal to be hesitant about medication. Seeing your doctor can still help you.
I'm glad you talked to your DF. It sounds like he took it well. I know you said it made you feel worse, but trust me it's a good thing that you talked to him about this. :grouphug:

ETA: I haven't had PPD of any sort, but my mom did with my little sister and I remember that well. My mom also has an anxiety disorder which made it more difficult. She took forever to get help. It really affected all of our lives. Things got soooo much better once she finally saw her doctor. I knew she did nothing to cause it, but it was frustrating being there wanting her to see someone and her not doing it. Sad

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:bighug: i totally get what you are saying in hoping that you wouldn't need medicine and that just a change could help things. i think your dd going to daycare part time will help a lot for everyone. i know it's hard, but you should still at least talk to your dr. and see what he/she says. i somewhat know what you are going through as i had baby blues for about a month when Lucas was born. I felt very overwhelmed, stressed, alone, and i wasn't bonding with him. I cried a lot questioning everything i did and would burst into tears if the slightest thing about it was mentioned to anyone.(heck i still do sometimes if it i talk about those early days) i also blamed his low birth weight and IUGR on myself which just added to everything.