. . . for those of you who've inquired.
So after thinking that my birth plan was pretty much figured out, it's completely uncertain now. Unfortunately, that is the least of my stress. My dad is in ICU in critical condition. He was admitted into the hospital 2 weeks ago with some issues and has since gotten worse and worse. After the doctors waited a week to remove his gallbladder because of some infection of unknown origin they finally decided to do the surgery. He got worse after that and now he's on a ventilator in ICU were he's tied to the bed for those in between moments when his sedation wears off.
He's also got late stage cirrhosis of the liver, but that's an issue that they won't even tackle right now. We are working on getting him transferred to Corpus Christi to see a hematologist and hopefully find out why the source of the sepsis. His white blood cell count is very high. We don't know if he's going to make it at all and he's the sole provider for the household (himself, my mom and my youngest sis). The doctors haven't discussed prognosis at all, and the nurse today told me it's because they just don't know. DH and I just spent 3 days there (6 hour drive away) and just got back this evening. I didn't want to leave, but we just can't afford to stay there.
My DH is also unemployed and we currently have no income coming in, so we are an a very fixed budget right now. It's all I can do to keep it together. I feel like I'm on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown right now and I'm supposed to be focused on preparing for the birth of my second child. And I feel selfish about even occasionally thinking of this part, but I doubt very much that my mom will be able to make it here for the birth, so at some point I have to start thinking about a back-up plan for Lyla's care when I go into labor. I am in some form of hell now. I don't know what to do, think, say or feel about anything. I hate an emotional breakdown last night after I couldn't get a stupid plastic fork out of a plastic wrapper. I just want to crawl under my blanket in my bed and cry. I kind of want to set up an account for people to donate money to help my mom pay bills, but I don't know who would donate to it, or even how to advertise it where people who know my dad would see it. Not to mention I'd feel bad asking for money, but my mom has always been a SAHM, not that she'd be able to go to work anyway with dad in such bad shape, and dad sure isn't bringing in any money. They've always lived paycheck to paycheck and don't have any health insurance at all, so there's that to consider too. Ugh, I could write a book with everything that is stressing me out right now.