Violent temper anyone? and discipline issues.

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AnnaRO's picture
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Violent temper anyone? and discipline issues.

I am seriously beginning to think there is something wrong with my child. If she gets frustrated or mad about something she will, scream, throw herself on the floor (normal I know) and then viciously bang her head against the floor/wall/chair/appliance whatever she's close to, and then she will bite at whatever too. It's disturbing.

I also don't know how to discipline my kid at all. Nothing works. Rewarding good behavior doesn't work, ignoring bad behavior doesn't work. I've tried everything. I remove her from whatever and tell her no, but it never does any good. As soon as my back is turned or she thinks I'm not watching she goes right back to it. And you aren't going to convince me that she doesn't understand, because she absolutely knows that she is not supposed to eat rocks in the yard, play in the dogs' water bowl, climb on the kitchen table etc. She doesn't do it when she knows we are watching. We catch her sneaking over when she thinks we aren't paying attention.

I'll admit that I've yelled at her, and it works in the moment, but I think it sends a bad message and I don't want to be that kind of parent. I have to say though, when I have told her a hundred times and she refuses to listen it gets a bit hard to control my own temper sometimes. Then there's the massive guilt that immediately follows.

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"AnnaRO" wrote:

I also don't know how to discipline my kid at all. Nothing works. Rewarding good behavior doesn't work, ignoring bad behavior doesn't work. I've tried everything. I remove her from whatever and tell her no, but it never does any good. As soon as my back is turned or she thinks I'm not watching she goes right back to it. And you aren't going to convince me that she doesn't understand, because she absolutely knows that she is not supposed to eat rocks in the yard, play in the dogs' water bowl, climb on the kitchen table etc. She doesn't do it when she knows we are watching. We catch her sneaking over when she thinks we aren't paying attention.

this is us too. although we don't really have the temper thing too much. He has thrown himself to the ground, fake cried and screamed but nothing i would say was too crazy. However we have no idea how to discipline him. DH's approach is yelling which makes me uncomfortable and i will sit and watch him say "NO, NO, NO" literally 10 times in a loud voice and Lucas ignores him. My approach is to keep moving him away saying "don't touch" or "we don't ----" in a quieter but firm voice. This doesn't really work either. I feel like DH is too hard, and that I am being too soft and that he isn't listening to either of us. He definitely knows what he is doing is wrong. His huge thing right now is pressing the pvr buttons or dvd buttons. He will crawl over, turn around and look at us and smile while pressing the buttons. i think all you can do is be consistant, but it is hard when you do it like 20 times and he seems to be paying absolutely no attention to what you are doing.

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:grouphug:

While Aiden isn't into biting he is into throwing himself on the floor and breaking out the real tears and screaming. I usually give him his space (if he lets me) and then hug him afterwards. If he's slapping me or pinching me, I remind him nice touches only or we give hugs and kisses. Won't claim this always works by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes I tell him that mommy needs a break and I walk away for 30 seconds to cool off.

I finally opened The Discipline Book. I'm hoping it'll help us. I loved Unconditional Parenting but it doesn't tell you what to do at all. Playful Parenting helped me come up with ways to prevent those tantrums (so we avoid the ones that used to happen a lot, but the parts I've read so far haven't helped me in what to do when you haven't avoided the tantrum. *sigh*

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Chloe was so so stubborn today! She kept stealing toys and even ran Trevor over with her doll stroller, then put her hands in the air said "haha"! Usually we put her in her bed for a small min "time out".. that usually does the trick but I have also been making her say sorry and give hugs.. that girl can be mean!! She tests her limits daily. We have been going out for a family walk for 30 minutes a day and it really seems to help her out. Gets her some fresh air and new scenery. good luck! Toddlers are so fun Smile

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I've heard the timeout/put them in the crib thing too. My BFF told me the other day that even at age one if her kids started throwing a fit or just crying for no real reason she'd put them in their room until they chilled out. And maybe I'm totally nuts in my thinking, but I don't want my kid thinking of her room/sleeping area in a negative way. I feel like we have enough trouble with bedtime/sleep that I don't want her to associate that space with punishment.

I really feel like one big issue we have is that she doesn't talk at all, so we have communication problems and that increases frustration on both ends. I get so jealous of you ladies when you talk about your kids using actual sentences!! I would be so happy with just a handful of WORDS!

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I try all sorts of things, saying no, trying to distract or redirect, ignoring, scolding or yelling when I lose my patience and then I feel horrible. Sometimes it works, but often not. I have had good luck with stopping temper tantrums by putting her in her crib a couple of times. Like earlier this evening I told her I needed to check her diaper and she started throwing a fit and kicking when I tried to put her on the changing table. So I put her in her crib which of course she kept throwing her tantrum. I reached out to her and she put her arms out to be picked up and I said "are you ready to get your diaper changed?" She said NO! and turned and walked to the end of her crib. So I said "Ok, bye bye then" and walked to the door of the room. More yelling. I came back and said "Ok, then if I pick you up we have to change your diaper. She still whined but she stopped the thrashing around and actually let me change her diaper.

I also gave her a short time out in her high chair after she would not stop jumping on the couch (I tried spanking on that one, not a big fan but I will spank if I consider the activity potentially harmful to her-she seemed to take it as a joke though so that isn't really effective either) She did stop for a while after the time out. So time-outs seem to be somewhat effective but nothing really seems to work all the time.

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Parenting is flipping hard. Just keep setting the limits and boundries of what is a NO even if it takes a million times. You may not see results now, but there will be a day when you do and you'll be so glad that you were consistant those other million times. Its hard not to get totally frustrated and loose it at times, BTDT, but find something like counting back from 10 or sticking your tongue between your teeth and breathing deeply until you can calm down and respond without all the frustration. I've had to leave the room of the tantrum and return a few minutes later when I'm composed, even with toddler trying to follow me. You'll get your point across more if you are firm than you will if you loose it.

DS1 was harder with this type of stuff at this age cause like Lyla he wasn't verbal and easily had crazy meltdowns. Odin is more verbal, though he has his share of meltdowns when he communicates what he wants and still doesn't get his way. A lot of what is she doing is totally the age though. There is this huge need to try out independence while still being very depended on the parent. Its like a pull in both directions. Basically its the sense of 'I' forming before its ready to be totally understood and before all the ability (physical and mental) is there. You are right though, she totally understands what you are saying but her drive to form her independence takes over that not developed rational sense. Luckily this stage does end. Unfortunatly, these types of phases are revisted in various forms throughout the years. Ugh, we are just getting out of the terrible 6's, and then there were the 3's, oh and the naughty end of the 4's just before turing 5 :roll:

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Teagan doesn't go into rages much but we're definitely in the "what the heck am I supposed to do!?" realm. DH and I have set out to follow Attachment Parenting but its awfully frustrating at times. Basically, AP says : Don't spank, Don't do time out, Don't CIO, don't do this don't do that but none of the books I've read have said what to DO. One book I really liked was Nurture Shock. It really helped me to solidify why using corporal punishment or negative reinforcement makes me uncomfortable. It gave a few suggestions but mostly for older kids. It more helped me to form a parenting "philosophy" than a game plan. I'm currently reading (have been for a month or so ..) Unconditional Parenting. Again, like Jackie said, it says nothing about what to DO but does a great job making you feel really guilty about everything you do in the time it takes to figure it out!

DH and I had a chat last night about discipline. We chat about it a lot because we feel its very important for us both to be on the same page, whatever that page is, so as not to confuse her and so that we're not fighting about how to discipline her as she runs rampant around the house. We've decided on several approaches and general "rules". The rules are really more for us than her.

1) We pick our battles carefully. There are a lot of things that toddlers do that are developmentally appropriate and not something you necessarily need to admonish to make it stop eventually. For example, Teagan throws food on the floor ALL. THE. TIME. It drives DH batty but I keep trying to tell him that just yelling "No" is pretty useless and that he's just making dinner miserable for us. Instead, he's trying to teach her to put the food she doesn't want into the little cup holders. She'll eventually grow out of food throwing whether or not we do anything about it and really its not MY problem if she has apple sauce in her hair. By giving her something else to do with the food she's satisfied that the offending morsel is removed and we're happy that its not on the floor. I try really hard to figure out an alternative to whatever she's doing that annoys me so that she can still satisfy whatever little toddler thing it is she wants. That way, I'm not just saying no and leaving her to wonder why it is I don't want her to do something.

2) I reserve the big guns for big things. Pretty much the only behavior that I have zero tolerance for is violence. If she hits me/the dog/another kid I remove her from the situation, tell her "no" very sternly, and tell her that if she does it again she's getting a time out. That's usually enough to make her stop. If she does it again, I put her in the corner for a few moments. Then we have hugs and kisses and I explain why we aren't violent. Its been working so far but I've only had to do it a few times. I don't consider stealing to be a time out worthy offense. They're not developmentally capable of understanding the concept of sharing so I don't force it on her. Heck, she's not going to grow up to be a bank robber if she steals the truck from the little boy on the playground. I also feel like she's not going to learn how it feels to be the victim and eventually develop empathy unless there's a fair amount of stealing. If she and her friends are stealing toys I just let it happen. I just keep an eye out for violent reactions and its those that result in a reprimand.

3) I do everything I can to minimize potential sources of trouble. Teagan pretty much has free range of the entire house that's been toddler proofed. That way she has less opportunity to drive me nuts. She most certainly still finds ways to drive me nuts but at least I don't have to chase her around the house.

That's all the advice I have. Its by no means a perfect system but its one that doesn't leave me feeling guilty at the end of the day.

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I finally opened The Discipline Book last night (yeah, left chat and instead of sleeping I read). I skipped right to the first chapter that addresses toddlers. Don't have any words of advice just yet on particular situations, but he keeps alluding to addressing specific situations later in the book ( side notes as to where to go to find those). So far lots of keeping a toddler friendly environment so you can lessen the chances of your frustrations due to the kids getting into things you rather they not. I have to admit being back in a place where I can create a "yes" environment has helped tremendously. I'm not constantly feeling the need to say "no, not that how about this." I'm going to keep reading. So far I feel like he's just offering suggestions and not passing judgement, which I like. Maybe it could be a book you read while Lyla is sleeping?

I completely agree that most of Aiden's and my current struggles are due entirely to lack of communication. I don't understand screams and yells of non-sense. When I don't understand his first yell, he breaks down and rolls on the floor frustrated with me. When I still don't understand he gets louder. *sigh*

Before I knew anything about AP and how I would like to parent, I already knew I didn't want to do time outs. It was often not effective during my years of childcare. Mommy time outs maybe, but not kid time outs. Wink

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Lyla has the run of the house. We keep the bathroom doors and our bedroom door closed. Everything else is pretty much childproofed. I say pretty much because she's climbing more and more. So I guess we need to remove the coffee table, all chairs and the dining table from the house. However, I would prefer for her to learn proper behavior instead of always just removing the offending obstacle. Removing all of our furniture is not a practical option by any means, and I feel it's vital for her to learn to LISTEN to me and respond appropriately. If I say to her, "Lyla, come here" she generally runs away. Then I'm stuck because I don't feel that running after her is going to send a good message and I'm not cool with ignoring it either. I feel there has to be some sort of negative consequence for deliberately disobeying me like that. This one is especially important to me because it could result in a potentially dangerous situation in public.

With all the things you are NOT supposed to do as parents in the way of discipline, I feel like there's nothing left to actually DO and that makes me feel like I'll end up raising one of those completely out of control, completely undisciplined children. My sister has one of those. She's 5 and the word no means nothing to her at all. If you tell her no, she says, but I want to and no matter if you explain why the answer is no she disregards it and does whatever anyway. It's insanely frustrating to even be around her. She wants to carry my 17 month old around like a doll and if you tell her not to pick her up she does it anyway because she wants to. If you persist she will push her down and then claim she didn't do anything and Lyla fell. That's the type of child I don't want.

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n was doing the head banging thing for a few weeks and it was horrible because i ended up being scared that he would hurt himself so i walked around on eggshells trying not to upset him. that got old real quick. i just started doing like mini timeouts. i take him to a room while he's throwing a fit and lay him down while he is screaming and walk away. if he gets up to come after me i redirect him until he stops crying or yelling. saying that mommy isnt going to get him till he's calm. i dont make him stay there because i dont find a full timeout effective at all. i also try to save the stern nos while i look directly in his eyes for danger or violence.

i believe in alot of repeated redirection no matter how long it takes because i dont like overusing no. i agree that them learning their independence is whats making this stage difficult along with the lack of communication. every child is different so what works for one will not for the other. hugs to you though and good luck.

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DS was the master toddler. I learned a lot from him. I'm with Joy and Erin on how I handle a lot of situations. My house is pretty much barricaded or completely toddler proof. Toddler proofing a house is different than just mainstream baby proofing. It's not just about removing harmful objects it's also removing objects that cause frustrations between us. I don't have a single solitary decoration or thing out that is within their reach in their part of the house. I have the kitchen, dining room, living room and playroom designated as "toddler safe" rooms, they are free to roam about this part of the house. There's nothing they can get into that causes me headaches or them danger. It was an adjustment I decided to make when DS was little, I put away pretty much everything. Some toddlers are easier than others, some really push it. It's hard not to lose it but I swear, this phase does have an end. DS is fantastic now! I wasn't pushy about teaching him no when he was little. For example, if the t.v. remote was within his reach for some reason and he got it and started to push buttons I might take it, tell him no sternly and then put it away, thereby removing the temptation. He does know what no means now, he listens very well, we actually just came around out of the torturous 3's a month or so ago and it was like a little light bulb went off in his head and all of a sudden everything I'd been talking about for the first 3 and a half years of his life sunk in all at once LOL. But seriously, it's frustrating but AP'ing does not mean you will end up with a child that doesn't listen or doesn't know what no means. Teaching no (TO ME) means being consistent, calm and patient with them. It WILL end, it doesn't feel like it but it will. Like Erin, the only behavior I do NOT tolerate is violence, everything else is negotiable.

Clara is in a stage right now of pulling the ends off the door stops and eating them. I've now removed all the ends to the door stops. I tell her no and take the end piece. It removes a safety issue. At this point she would just keep at it but it's just not battle worthy to me, I'm a big fan of pick your battles, situation removal and also a big believer in not setting up a fail type situation. For example, DS still cannot handle walking by the toy department in Walmart without wanting to go browse through it. He's not demanding yet of getting all the toys (I'm sure that's coming!) but if I don't have time to go through that dept I avoid it and avoid the fight. If we have some extra time on our hands, we browse around in it.

Just my two cents.

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Anna, what is she doing with the tables and chairs that you don't like? Are you afraid she's going to hurt herself or are you worried she's damaging them? If you're worried she's going to hurt herself, how about teaching her something fun to do with chairs and tables. Teagan really likes to sit in grownup chairs and eat a snack and she also likes to pile her prefolds on the chairs. What about showing her that her dolls can sit in the chairs?

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I've been lucky with Lainey, she is really even tempered, her verbal skills are amazing, she is distractable and pretty easy to redirect. like the others, our house is already toddler friendly, so we don't have things down where she can reach them if I don't want her to have them and we avoid a lot of conflicts that way.

Now before you all go "Well, la de dah, must be nice to be you," DD1 is the exact opposite of Lainey in temperment. She really puts us through a lot. I spend most of my time trying to keep her from destroying the house. She is fearless, headstrong, sassy, and extremely high needs. She is the one that does things she knows she shouldn't do just because my back is turned for a second (and she is way more crafty at age 4 3/4 than any 18 MO). She cries more times in one day now than Lainey ever has (EVERYTHING makes her cry).

I also AP and have read Unconditional Parenting, it made some good points and also made me feel extremely guilty about some of the things we do. I do not agree with them that timeouts are a timeout from your love, I see them as a time out from a situation that is causing conflict and a chance to calm down (for both of us). They are pretty much the only thing that work with DD1, and I think I started them around 18 months. I would sit and hold her for one minute until she calmed down, and they worked ok. As she got older the length of time has gotten longer and she goes to her room, which has actually been the best for her. With Lainey, I have rarely had to do much more than say "no"and redirect her. When she throws a tantrum, it is pretty short lived.

I also get frustrated with the AP books that tell you what not to do and why you shouldn't, but they never give real working examples of how to handle things.

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Aiden likes to rearrange our dining room chairs all the time. I just keep putting them against the table and making sure that there's nothing other than our cloth napkins on the table (he's climbed up there once). I just sat him on his chair and told him that we eat at the table and sit on chairs. Whenever he tries to use the chair to climb to something else I do the same thing. I get him to sit on it and say, "we sit on chairs." I sound like a broken record at times, but I figure eventually he'll catch on. No is already funny, so I'm trying really hard to stop using it. I said no way too many times while in WF. Honestly, Aiden loves to drag his booster everywhere and use it to climb on everything. It's the perfect step stool apparently. Which is why I'm glad DH mounted the bookshelves first when we moved in. lol

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Lyla is a climber like you wouldn't believe. She has a black eye right now from falling off out dining table, yet it has not stopped her at all from climbing on it again. My concern is that is going to REALLY hurt herself. She's persistent and doesn't seem to learn from her 'mistakes'. So even if the falls off the table she's not the least bit hesitant to climb back on there and do it again. I could move the chairs, but she drags them back (or to something else) and climbs on. Redirect has been fruitless with her. However, this is behavior I expected out of any kid of mine, though we struggle with how to discipline in these instances, it's not my biggest concern at all.

The thing I am concerned with the most is her violent and aggressive behavior when she has a tantrum or gets frustrated. She acts like a rabid animal viciously attacking the person or thing closest to her. This happens a few times a day. This morning we went for a walk and I had her in the jogging stroller. When we got home, she didn't want my help getting out and would scratch and pinch at me if I tried to help her. So after I got her unhooked I walked away to let her get out on her own. Well she couldn't manage it and started whining. After a few minutes I went to get her out and she had gotten herself into a very precarious situation. As soon as I touched her she started bucking and clawing at me and trying angle her head to bite me. I set her down and firmly told her that we don't behave that way. But telling her no in those instances does nothing. I'll have hold on to her arms to prevent her from clawing me and tell her no, we don't do that, but it has no effect. I will say that I know she understands no because she does listen occasionally when I catch her about to do something she knows she shouldn't.

She's really a good kid, and this aggressive behavior is not constant, but it concerns me.

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Sounds like Lyla falls on the far end of the difficult toddler spectrum. Just know that you're doing your best, its just a phase, and that just because she's difficult doesn't mean that your other kids will be. :bigarmhug:

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"BuckeyeK" wrote:

I also AP and have read Unconditional Parenting, it made some good points and also made me feel extremely guilty about some of the things we do. I do not agree with them that timeouts are a timeout from your love, I see them as a time out from a situation that is causing conflict and a chance to calm down (for both of us). They are pretty much the only thing that work with DD1, and I think I started them around 18 months. I would sit and hold her for one minute until she calmed down, and they worked ok. As she got older the length of time has gotten longer and she goes to her room, which has actually been the best for her. With Lainey, I have rarely had to do much more than say "no"and redirect her. When she throws a tantrum, it is pretty short lived.

I have not read this book but if it says that time outs are a time out from your love, I also would not agree with that. Currently, time out to me means putting her in a restrictive environment such as her crib, high chair or even my arms until she can calm down from a thrashing, kicking temper tantrum, or until she realizes I am serious about her stopping a dangerous behavior. I am right there in the room with her so I don't see how she could feel that it is a time out from my love. And so far it stops the temper tantrums in a minute or two so it is really effective for her for that, at least for now. Less effective for getting her to stop dangerous activities she thinks are fun. I have read other AP stuff and I liked a lot of what I read, so not trying to knock AP at all, I just disagree with that statement.

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I really felt like in the book he was addressing "time outs" in the traditional sense for being withdrawal of love. Basically sending the kid away to another room where they can't see you or anyone and basically ignoring them. He does address other forms of time outs and why they're not preferred, but I'd need to read that section again for more details. Giving the child a chance to cool down isn't the same as time out IMO, especially when once the child is calm you address them.

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"alwayssmile" wrote:

I really felt like in the book he was addressing "time outs" in the traditional sense for being withdrawal of love. Basically sending the kid away to another room where they can't see you or anyone and basically ignoring them. He does address other forms of time outs and why they're not preferred, but I'd need to read that section again for more details. Giving the child a chance to cool down isn't the same as time out IMO, especially when once the child is calm you address them.

Maybe I didn't fully understand it when I read it. Time outs for DD1 used to be in the room with us, but we actually found out she cools down better if sent to her room. If we're still in the room with us, she continues to backtalk and rage. She was probably 4 though before we started sending her to her room.

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"TiggersMommy" wrote:

just because she's difficult doesn't mean that your other kids will be. :bigarmhug:

My kids are a living testament that this is true! (((Hugs)))

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Lucas isn't the hard one for me right now, it's my 3 1/2 yr old! She is STUBBORN and too smart for her own good! She screamed (and I do mean SCREAMED) for 20 min this morning b/c she didn't want to wear the dress I put on her. The one that SHE picked out. Then she didn't want to wear the 2nd one I let her pick out, she wanted the 1st one back on. :roll: Lucas is easy compared to her. He will pitch a fit, which usually involves him throwing himself to the floor and crying and kicking, usually when I take away something that really shouldn't be in his mouth. But I just walk away and ignore it and usually he stops w/in about 30 sec. Then he's back to his happy self (until he finds something else dangerous to put in his mouth, which will inevitably happen). I pretty much agree with the others that the best thing at this age is to remove temptations and frustrations (for me!) as much as I can (which is hard w/ a 3 yr old around). I don't do time-outs in the traditional sense until they are a little older. I agree that I would never ever use the crib as a time-out location b/c I don't want him associating the crib w/ being punished when it is bedtime. At this point, merely walking away from him and ignoring the fit is enough for him to stop. I think I started time-outs w/ Lily when she was a little over 2. I make her face the wall in the hallway and leave her there until she stops crying, and then usually an extra min or so. She knows enough to stay there, and I've never had a problem w/ her leaving time-out before I tell her. Then when she calms down I have a chat w/ her to remind her why she went to time out, get her to promise that she won't do it again, then tell her I love her and we do hugs and kisses. This is usually more than enough to stop whatever behavior prompted the time-out, at least for a few hrs.

I think that you have to find what works best for your child. For my DD, time-outs work much better than spanking or taking away something that she likes, and redirecting doesn't work w/ her any more. For Lucas I haven't really figured it out yet. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for the violence, just know that everything is a phase and I'm confident she will grow out of it!

As for climbing, Lucas is quite the climber too. For me the best thing was to teach him how to properly get down. I see him climbing on chairs, the couch, the coffee tables, etc. frequently. There is no way to keep him from doing it all the time, especially when I have a crazy 3 yr old running around too, so I just have to have faith in him that he will get down safely, and he always does. Luckily I haven't had him climb on anything too crazy (like the kitchen counters or the dressers) . . . yet!

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So the table and chair thing is totally one I understand. We have a zero tolerance for our kids being on the furniture (unless its ok stuff like beds and couches but still no standing) for safety and for resons like not wanting them to ruin our furniture or doing that at anyone elses house. If natural consequences are not working (falling off that table and getting hurt usually gets some kids to not to it after a few falls) then try providing other things in the house for her to climb on. Get a cheap toddler size structure that she can climb on and keep it in the house. When she climbs, tell her something like "we don't climb on the furniture, danger, you can climb here" and then place her on the structure and say "this is were we climb, good job!". Maybe using the explination, redirecting, and giving her an acceptable outlet for her climbing need can help. My friend in town brought this structure http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2308841in from her backyard and uses it to keep her 18 month old DD off the dining table. Like us she detached the bar section and just uses the stairs and slide side. Wow, the price on those is high but I seriously have the same one that I got for $5 at a garage sale and she go hers way cheap off of craigslist. Kids grow out of stuff quick and you can find something like that used for cheap.

With the hitting/violence thing I also totally agree that its just not acceptable. Odin will try to hit or pinch sometimes. No matter what we are doing I put him down and say "ouch that hurts me, I don't like it, you need to stop" in a firm but not yelling voice. I sometimes walk away for a minute or stand/sit there. He wil usually start to cry or whine and I remind him "I don't like that but I'll pick up up/help/resume activity if you can use gentle hands". So we try again. If he does it again then down he goes. I repeat 2-3 times and if he is still doing the same thing then I remove myself from the situation for a few minutes so that he can have his 'moment' and then go back and comfort him while reminding him how it makes me feel when he does that and that its not ok. The second he approaches the situation with gentleness then I praise him and let him know that is what feels good. Also should add that if I see the hitting or something coming I will grab his arm (to block it, not to hurt) before he is able to strike while saying the above stuff firmly or if its a 2nd go around will hold him facing out from me the second he shows that he is going to be agressive. There are times when he is on fire and I put him down in a safe place and totally just remove myself from the situation. While he will come search me out soon after, it is very rare that he will hunt me down just to be agressive. Like with your storller situation I would have probably done my best to free her from the stroller the 2nd time while blocking her hands set her down to have her 'moment' for a minute while I removed myself from the situation. IMO its a way to show that you can be upset and have a fit because your upset/frustrated but its not ok to hurt me because of how you feel.

I know this might not be the answer for you personally but that is where I would be with it at my house. Just to give you some ideas. I haven't read tons of parenting/discipline books but how lame that they tell you what not to do instead of giving you ideas on what things might work!

AnnaRO's picture
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"jolly11sd" wrote:

There are times when he is on fire and I put him down in a safe place and totally just remove myself from the situation. While he will come search me out soon after, it is very rare that he will hunt me down just to be agressive. Like with your storller situation I would have probably done my best to free her from the stroller the 2nd time while blocking her hands set her down to have her 'moment' for a minute while I removed myself from the situation. IMO its a way to show that you can be upset and have a fit because your upset/frustrated but its not ok to hurt me because of how you feel.!

What you described is similar to what I've been doing. I will usually set her down immediately and tell her we don't hit/pinch/scratch. Sometimes she will just run off to do something else and sometimes she will stand there and cry at me wanting to be picked back up, but I don't until I feel she's calmed down. If she's grabbing and pinching at my face out of excitement then I'll take her hands and try to show her how to be gentle.

I think the giving her something else to climb on is a great idea. There is a JBF sale going on right now, I guess I should go check it out and see if they have anything.

I guess I just need to keep at it and keep trying. We definitely have some days that are more frustrating than others and those more frustrating days make me feel like a complete failure as a mom with an out of control kid. I need to keep reminding myself that its normal for them to not catch on to direction for a while at this age. I may also need to sit down with DH and make sure that we are being 100% consistent all the time, though I feel that we are, but he may notice something I don't. . .

Thanks for the support, ladies.

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You're doing great, this is a hard age. They don't know their own strength or how to express their emotions appropriately, and they have no fear or reservations.