17 week m/c.

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Jessica.'s picture
Joined: 02/02/09
Posts: 424
17 week m/c.

* warning sad stuff*

My cousin who's 32 and was 17 weeks along just found out at her doctor apt today that the baby had no heart beat. They don't know what happened, as recently as last week they went for a 16 week gender scan and everything was normal. This is upsetting for her, but I don't know how to comfort her? She has to be induced. She has two other children and is having a birthday party for the both of them in two weeks ( I don't know that I could go through with that). I don't know if I should call her, as I heard about this from her mom. My sister and I are close to her, but I don't know if she'll want us to talk to her about this. Sad Say a prayer for her and her husband.

Mustanglisa's picture
Joined: 02/26/09
Posts: 324

That is so horribly sad. I don't have any suggestions as I have never been through that, hopefully someone else has some advice. I would at least let her know you are there if she needs anything, assuming you live close.

Shoobie Doobie's picture
Joined: 12/31/10
Posts: 71

Oh man, that is so sad...I can't imagine how anyone could feel with going through something like that.

I guess there's not much anyone could say that would change anything...just let her know that you love her and you're there for her if she wants to reach out...ohhhh.... Sad maybe write to her, email? That way she could get back to you when she's ready...

I've been reading on celebrity miscarriages (Kelly Brook losing her child at 5 months)...just makes me want to have this baby asap just so I can 'see' she's safe. Just awful.

Hugs honey, most of all for your cousin, but to you too and all of us...

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

That is so sad. My thoughts are with her Sad

I do think you should call - at least let her know you're thinking and are there for her Smile


WonderWomanExtrodinare's picture
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 1192

How sad. Thoughts and prayers to her, you, and ya'll's family.

Unfortunately, whether in our tummies or on the outside, we can't protect them from everything, that's one of the hardest things about being a parent. I've had quite a few friends lose infants and children and I always think to myself it's easier not to have them then to go through that pain but then we'd of missed out on what time we did get and I'd never give back any of the years I've had with my babies or the months I've had carrying around this lil booger still inside me. All those moments are just too precious! We just do all we can to keep them safe and pray for their health and another tomorrow. Smile

Thinking about you and your family!

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

T&P's for your family. That is just terrible news. I can't imagine. Having a m/c early in pregnancy is devastating and I can't imagine loosing one that far along. It would be very difficult.

I would try to contact her in someway - which ever method you feel is appropriate - and just let her know you are thinking of her and if she needs anything to let you know.

bumblybees's picture
Joined: 03/24/10
Posts: 559

Lots of T &Ps.
i lost a baby at 18 weeks. however you want to look at it the baby died at 14 weeks so i ended u with a DNC. looking back i wish i had been able to been induced and birth my baby so i could have said good bye. might have been easier.

but i would call her and just let her know that you are praying for her and that while you don't understand you'd like to be an ear if she wants one. and then be prepared to get a thank you and thats it or an ear full of sobs.

if you are really close make a donation to a children's foundation in her name and tell her that.

i just always kept in my head after the grief passed (and my milk stopped leaking....yeah that was fun) that God must have had a reason to take the life back home. i had always prayed that God would not give me more than i could handle.....and that must have been something more than i could handle.

hugs to you as well.

AK2663's picture
Joined: 09/03/08
Posts: 710

I'm so sorry to hear this Sad

I would send her a card or email (or call if you are comforatble and just offer a 'thinking of you' and to extend yourself to be there if she needs to talk or anything else.

I can tell you one thing I have learned is that when you are close to someone who looses a baby like this, and you are pregnant yourself, that often it is best to offer but not push more because the person who lost the baby may be upset that they have lost theirs and you still have yours (not that theyd want you to loose yours too, just that you are a reminder of what they had and lost ikwim?). I have a very good friend at work who lost her baby this year at 23 wks and it took her awhile to be ok to talk to me or even be around me since I'm pregnant. I just offered to be there for her if she needed anything, then on the day her baby was due I brought her a bunch of tulips blooming that she could plant in her garden at home so that every year when they bloomed she could remember her daughter in those beautiful flowers. We both cried together Smile She is around me all the time now, but still has days where she avoids me.

Once again i'm incredibly sorry for her loss Sad

rubyslippersbaby's picture
Joined: 12/29/10
Posts: 324

I am so sorry for her loss! I will send lots of T's and P's her way! As well as yours in dealing with how to talk with her. I hope you find the words, as i know this is so hard.

Cassandra83's picture
Joined: 10/01/07
Posts: 850

Sorry to hear that... Contact her and Tell her if she needs to talk you are there.
praying for the Family

Joined: 01/04/05
Posts: 543

awww, that is a tuff situation. Lots of prayers for you both. I would either call or send a card.

KerriWeasel's picture
Joined: 01/28/10
Posts: 464

You should call, just let her know you're there. Prayers for her and your family

gdsgft007's picture
Joined: 08/29/09
Posts: 418

How awful.:( I think that I'd let her know that you are there if she ever wants to talk. I will keep her in my T&P's.

VCoates's picture
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055

I am so sorry to hear about this. There really isn't anything you can say to her to ease her comfort. Just let her you know are there for her to talk about if she wants to.
I'll be praying for her.