So today was my 31 week appt.
The important thing is baby is healthy. I've gained 8 lbs this month, baby measures 33 weeks(2 weeks ahead), BP is good, I passed the GD test (as I thought) and heartbeat is great at 143.
For the rest of my post, I apologize in advance if starts to ramble...
I think I've mentioned it before, but I had a HORRIBLE birth experience with DS. Long story short - I was induced, it was a 29 hr labor, radical episiodomy with about 20 stitches, epidural that ran out while pushing and wasnt replaced, pushed for 4 hours total. DS was born with a shoulder distortia b/c he was stuck. (He was 9lbs 14 oz) They tried forceps and then used the vacuum to pull him out finally. They had also prepped the OR in case they needed to do an emerg csec. I was passing out between pushes. 12 hours after he was born I started getting a total of 3 blood transfusions. (My hemoglobin dropped ridiculously low, its been called "incompatible with life" by several doctors). I then spent several days having various tests (xrays, and a nuclear medicine test ) to make sure I didnt have clots and to monitor a bit of fluid that settled around my lungs. I spent a week in the hospital after he was born. all these things also led to me not BFing, which added to my PPD. DS was perfectly fine at birth, and had no problems in hospital. After all this, I was given NO explanation of what happened, or why it happened.
Fast forward to now. I'm with a new doctor. I really like her. WE've had a couple frank conversations about what I went through the first time. I'm terrified of having things happen again. I actually had a meltdown last night at 3:45 am when I woke up to pee, because I ended up thinking about it and got upset and stressed out. The closer my EDD comes, the more I worry about it.
Anyway, I'm stressed about labor and having things repeat. Things are already starting to repeat. Here are some similarities between the first time around and this time...
-swelling of feet, face, hands (remember my carpal tunnel, which is now in both hands and i wear braces 24/7 except in the shower or doing dishes/working in kitchen). I also get a 2nd chin by the end of the day, which disappears in the morning when I get up. Although the weather is stupidly hot here, its been like this for a couple weeks, and it hasnt been this hot and humid all month.
-BP increase (Its always been low, like 100/60. its now 130/78, it ended up going really high with DS which was why I was induced)
- low iron (its borderline normal/low, so its not as bad as it was, but we are monitoring it this time where as last time it was not monitored so we didnt know it was low until I was induced.)
- baby measuring ahead, so I'm thinking another big baby.
TO get to the point...
Today we discussed a scheduled C-section. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.
In some ways it seems a great idea. It would be a controlled birth, we could control some of the risks. I'm apparently at higher risk of complications again given everything that happened. The doctor has "penciled me in" for a Csection. I feel a bit relieved - I can plan for it and the recovery and know what to expect. It gets rid of the unknown to some extent.
But I also dont want it.
I've dreamed for ... well for 21 months, since DS was born ... for a "normal" birth (going into labor on my own, being able to have a vaginal birth, maybe even enjoy the whole experience more, and not have the complications again, and I'm not against an epidural again - I dont need to go all natural).
But if I go with the csec, that all goes out the window. Plus it makes me a vbac candidate for future kids, and given all my history, I doubt thats in the cards in the future. We do want a 3rd at some point in the future. I'm not ready for this to be my "last" pregnancy.
But I'm also so worried about all the things that happened happening again, that I'm terrified of both the labor and the Csec. I dont know what to do. Doc is pushing for the Csec, and really it seems the more "logical" choice. THe end result has to be a healthy baby and a healthy mommy. How we get there isn't as important. But I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing. :confused:
Oh, and I will be getting an u/s around 36 weeks (start of July). But the u/s at 37ish weeks with DS said he was a 6-7 lbs baby - i literally went out and bought newborn stuff... and he was 9lbs 14 oz. So I dont really trust that... but the doc said if i ended up with a 6lbs baby that would come out quick and easy maybe I could still try a labor... Being that DS was so big, DH was big at birth, heck I was over 8lbs, makes me think he will NOT be a little baby.
Another step to the stress - we move June 30. The Csec is scheduled for July 15. (about 38 weeks). That in itself is enough to make me panic. its about 6-7 weeks away!!! I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I've cried more times than I can count in the last 24 hours.
Thanks for reading if you got through the whole thing.
Another thing to add - Found out today that the OR at the hospital I will be delivering at is closing the last 2 weeks of July... vacation/upgrading I think. Anyway... so the only things that will go on will be emergency surgeries, and Csec... so thats partly why the Csec is so soon. Also, all the complications went on at my due date, so by doing it a couple weeks earlier I think shes hoping to get him out before more complications start coming up again.