The baby blues

20 posts / 0 new
Last post
VCoates's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055
The baby blues

With DS, I had the baby blues for about a week or 2. I know this is totally normal but is it normal to have it the 2nd time around? I don't know if I'm more prone to getting them because I had them with my first.

I've never had any depression issues with me personally but a LOT of people on my family have. Grandmother, mom, dad, and brother have all had depression issues, some very severe. I don't know if because I just like to talk a lot and can't keep things bottled inside if that's why but I've never had any issues with it, thank the Lord above! But back to my point, is it possibly going to be worse or better the 2nd time around or is it really just a toss up?

BTW, I feel like I'm a board hog! I think I've started a new thread everyday for the past week!

squirrel27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

Yes I think it is more likely (at least with PPD) so it makes sense that baby blues would be too.

Keep talking your feelings out (especially now since its starting) and i hope you are ok. Remember you can always let it out on here!!

VCoates's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055

"squirrel27" wrote:

Yes I think it is more likely (at least with PPD) so it makes sense that baby blues would be too.

Keep talking your feelings out (especially now since its starting) and i hope you are ok. Remember you can always let it out on here!!

I don't have the baby blues yet really but I do feel kind of sad. The same thing you posted about a few days ago about expanding the family and going from 1 child to 2.

We've been trying to get away from letting DS fall asleep in our bed, he falls alseep in his own bed just fine but I couldn't help it tonight. We laid there and I rubbed and scratched his back while I sang to him until he fell asleep. It was so sweet and I was just thinking about how it's not going to be jsust the 3 of us anymore. We're going to be a family of 4 :eek:!! I know it will all work out and all that jazz but I just can't wrap my head around it.

DH and I have talked about it too and he feels the same way. Both the sadness and the excitement of it all. We're both VERY open people and while we may need to walk way for a minute we always come back and talk it out. We have the "never go to bed angry" policy. These people who give their spouses the silent treatment or hold things in, I just can't imagine. I'd go crazy.

Anyway...hopefully if I'm lucky enough to get them again this time they'll go away sooner rather than later. I've got great support here with DH, my mom, MIL, brother, dad etc. My mom will also be staying with us for 1-2 nights when we get released from the hospital so that will be nice and helpful.

Offline
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/21/10
Posts: 529

This may be considered weird by many but...we are doing the placenta encapsulation to help with this. I have a history of depression (many years back) and I am really scared of getting PPD. It is said that the placenta encapsulation (and other ways too) help with the slower regulation of the hormones to help prevent that. I could never do it another way but this way is not gross (to me).

I have/had a g/f that desperately wanted a baby, she got twins and never got over the PPD. When the girls were 5 she committed suicide. I am not saying that I think you will go there but it scares the bejeezus out of me that anyone could feel that hopeless and not be able to find an answer. I hope that we (my DH and I) are doing all that we can to prevent anything even close to PPD and I think that it is a very important topic to discuss openly.

isuche02's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

I have struggled with depression for a long time. Baby blues are very rough for me. I understand your concern. At least you know you have a good support system. Let them help you and make sure you are open to the idea of getting help if you need it. I have found asking for help is the hardest step in dealing with any kind of depression.

bumblybees's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 03/24/10
Posts: 559

i had some blues after my first was born but it was more from feeling like such a failure as a woman from ending up in a c/s.
I definietely had then after my 2nd. part in part to believing (just gut instinct) that i was having a girl. i knew my DH wanted a girl so badly so while when DS2 came out i was elated but sad at the same time....if that makes sense. so it probably took a month of talking and excersize to get through it. My DH was great i'd call him up at work crying for no reason. we'd end up having long lunches together 3 times a week or so. it helped to just feel that suppport.
so this time around i'm really setting myself up to be ok with a boy or a girl. (actually we'd not have gotten pregnant again if i couldn't have gotten to this point).

ok...so off tangent. Yes baby blues can happen with any pregnancy or all of your pregnancies.
we're here for you so talk away. you won't be the only one.

squirrel27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

I dealt with PPD - both depression and anxiety. As bumblybees said, it was from feeling like a failure as a woman - for me it was b/c I didnt BF. That led to many other insecurities rising to the surface. I dealt with it with medication and counseling. I agree that the HARDEST thing was going in and saying I need help. DH had to come with me and basically work it out of me with the doc there. But my doc was supportive and great, and DH was awesome. You need to have good support system. It sounds like you do - be honest with yourself and everyone in your system about how you are feeling.

Its great that you discuss and work things out with DH. I cant go to bed angry either.
In fact, the joke with us when we fight is that I can't send DH to the couch to sleep. I once tried, and ended up begging him to come to bed with me. We laughed so hard after the fact, I cant sleep in bed alone knowing hes in the next room or downstairs! Now he teases me "what are you going to do, make me sleep on the couch?" and we both laugh.

Anyway, be sure to talk through all these emotions. The stress of changing a family is hardest for me too. I know things will be fine, but the anticipation leading up to it is killer. My advice - dont push DS away. If he wants to sleep the extra hour or nap or night with you right now, let him. If he needs it, chances are you need it more. Enjoy the time with him. You can still lay with him and sing to him after baby is here - that doesnt have to change at all. Keep special routines and moments like that as part of the routine once baby is here.

Offline
Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 03/06/09
Posts: 1054

I had them pretty bad after my DS too. I feel it was related to having that "perfect birth" that I had visualized (we are supposed to visualize our perfect birth and think positive thoughts about it, right?). The birth wasn't really traumatic, just completely different from what I thought it would be. Anyway, I was more prepared with DD for whatever might happen. The birth was smoother and I never had them with her. I think having another child to keep me busy helped. Like the PPs said, just keep talking about it and realizing that it may happen and that you will recognize it and won't let it become a huge issue before you seek support.
Hugs! You can start as many threads as you want!

squirrel27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

Oh, quick comment I forgot to make earlier...
I think I might have started more threads than you this week with all my appt/ultrasound/csec drama lol.

Thats why the board is here! Biggrin

VCoates's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055

Thanks ladies. It's good to know we've got eachother for support and people that won't judge etc.

I think part of my problem when I had DS was I had this vision of what it was supposed to be like after he was here. I was going to go through labor naturually, I would push him out of my body, he would nurse like a champ and when we came home life would be perfect. I would immediately fall in love with this beautiful baby and all would be as it should be. Know don't get me wrong, I loved my baby before he was ever born and that just grew more than I could ever explain once he was here but I didn't have that immediate "in love" feeling for a couple of weeks. Does that make sense?

You always here mom's talking about how they were just completely in love with their baby etc etc. It wasn't like that for me. I never heard mom's talking about what it was like as soon as they came home or how it was until they get adjusted. Like I said, don't get me wrong, I loved my baby but....I don't know how to explain it or put into words. Once the baby blues past, they lasted a couple weeks for me, then I could say that I was in love with him. I had that euphoric(sp) feeling you hear about. Like I would look at him and cry because I loved him so much and he was mine. KWIM?

I think we as pregnant women/mothers are told about how it's "supposed" to be after we have our babies when in actuality it's nothing like that. Not for most I don't think anyway. You're exhausted, your boobs hurt, your in pain, you have this new being to care that is completely 100% reliant upon you and that is a HUGE deal!

Okay, I don't think I'm making sense. I'll stop rambling.

Anyway, thanks ladies! I'm glad we've got eachother and know what eachother's going through.

nmc
nmc's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/03/11
Posts: 268

I think your feelings toward a newborn are totally normal. I had a similar emotional experience and thought something was wrong, but I think it is totally normal. I loved DD as soon as I saw her, but didn't experience that 'euphoric' feeling immediately either. The first few weeks with a newborn is just so overwhelming. This may sound strange, but I'm trying not to have any expectations for when I bring home DD2. I don't want to feel like I have to live up to some unwritten standard. I'm a little worried about how I'm going to handle it all with a newborn and a toddler, but I'm just going to try to take it one day at a time. I'm not sure if I really had the baby blues after DD1, but I know I felt really off emotionally for the first few weeks. I'm hoping that it doesn't happen again this time, but I'm kind of planning on it.

I'm glad that I joined this board though because it's nice to have others to talk to that have similar issues/concerns that I do!

squirrel27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

"nmc" wrote:

I'm glad that I joined this board though because it's nice to have others to talk to that have similar issues/concerns that I do!

Thats exactly what I love about this site!!! Smile Its so easy to feel overwhelmed and alone, but here I'm reminded that I'm not and everything I'm worried about is usually common and normal to experience. And if its not common, theres a TON of support.

kilahmaree's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 08/28/09
Posts: 951

You know, I never had the baby blues after I had my DD. But everything from the pregnancy to her birth were *perfect.* Seriously, it was how I envisioned things, and then even better. Super easy pregnancy, no stress, calm, at-home birth, etc. And looking back now and hearing about other babies, she was defintely not an *easy* baby by any means, but she was my only baby and I just thought that was how it is and I was just so in love and mesmerized that I couldn't help but be absolutely elated all the freaking time. (Oh, and I totally encapsulated the placenta. It kind of freaked me out, but maybe it helped?)

But this time around I am really terrified of the baby blues. I've been super stressed out this pregnancy with family stuff; I'm overwhelmed at the thought of adding another person to our family and possibly taking something from DD; I have nightmares of having a horrendous birthing experience that ends up in a C-section, which for me personally, is my greatest fear (I'm such a control freak). This time around is so different and full of anxiety that I'm so afraid of getting the baby blues. And I feel like if I tell anyone that then they just tell me I'm crazy and my fears and insecurities are silly and not to worry. So it makes it just that much harder. Blah.

Offline
Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 03/06/09
Posts: 1054

Veronica, I think it's completely normal to feel that way towards a newborn. I've got 8 younger brothers and sisters and you would think I would know what to expect those first few weeks since I helped take care of them. But I didn't. No one really warned me how weird those first weeks are. Or how hard it is to adjust to having someone completely dependent on you. Or how hard bfing can be. Or that the baby may cry sometimes and you might not be able to figure out what is wrong. Or that your DH may not want to just hang at the house for hours while you sit around nursing a baby. Anyway, it's great that we can all share our worries/fears/emotions here without feeling like there's something wrong. Hormones, situations, stresses have serious effects on our coping skills as new moms and we definitely need all the support we can get!

jaimers617's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 10/30/09
Posts: 333

"VCoates" wrote:

Thanks ladies. It's good to know we've got eachother for support and people that won't judge etc.

I think part of my problem when I had DS was I had this vision of what it was supposed to be like after he was here. I was going to go through labor naturually, I would push him out of my body, he would nurse like a champ and when we came home life would be perfect. I would immediately fall in love with this beautiful baby and all would be as it should be. Know don't get me wrong, I loved my baby before he was ever born and that just grew more than I could ever explain once he was here but I didn't have that immediate "in love" feeling for a couple of weeks. Does that make sense?

You always here mom's talking about how they were just completely in love with their baby etc etc. It wasn't like that for me. I never heard mom's talking about what it was like as soon as they came home or how it was until they get adjusted. Like I said, don't get me wrong, I loved my baby but....I don't know how to explain it or put into words. Once the baby blues past, they lasted a couple weeks for me, then I could say that I was in love with him. I had that euphoric(sp) feeling you hear about. Like I would look at him and cry because I loved him so much and he was mine. KWIM?

I think we as pregnant women/mothers are told about how it's "supposed" to be after we have our babies when in actuality it's nothing like that. Not for most I don't think anyway. You're exhausted, your boobs hurt, your in pain, you have this new being to care that is completely 100% reliant upon you and that is a HUGE deal!

Okay, I don't think I'm making sense. I'll stop rambling.

Anyway, thanks ladies! I'm glad we've got eachother and know what eachother's going through.

That makes complete sense to me! I was exactly the same! In fact...I would want to always go to my parents house or my in-laws for the first couple of weeks (even though I was SO sore) just to have them help out. I was so completely overwhelmed and was dealing with baby blues, or just trying to adjust or whatever it was, that I couldn't see past the responsibility of it all in the beginning. I remember standing at the kitchen counter, washing bottles (for like the thousandth time) the first couple of days after and crying to my hubs because I was like 'This is our life - washing bottles' I wasn't seeing anything other than the tasks that were related to a baby. Plus, I was so tender down there for so long (at least 2 weeks if not longer) that everything was so difficult. I know that I loved him - but I think that was buried underneath everything else (diapers, no sleep, the crying, washing bottles, being sore, and just utter confusion) that it was hard to find, ya know? And like you said, it took a little bit for me to look at him with nothing but love and all I'd want to do was squeeze him up! BUT, I feel like this time around will be a little easier because we'll know what to expect. We'll know that its gonna be hard in the beginning...we're gonna be unsure of what she needs/wants the first couple of weeks. I just feel like the second time around will be better - not worse.

LauraMae78's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 969

"jessica2575" wrote:

This may be considered weird by many but...we are doing the placenta encapsulation to help with this. I have a history of depression (many years back) and I am really scared of getting PPD. It is said that the placenta encapsulation (and other ways too) help with the slower regulation of the hormones to help prevent that. I could never do it another way but this way is not gross (to me).

I have/had a g/f that desperately wanted a baby, she got twins and never got over the PPD. When the girls were 5 she committed suicide. I am not saying that I think you will go there but it scares the bejeezus out of me that anyone could feel that hopeless and not be able to find an answer. I hope that we (my DH and I) are doing all that we can to prevent anything even close to PPD and I think that it is a very important topic to discuss openly.

i wanted to do the placenta encapsulation as i was afraid of PPD and im not a big fan of drugs (legal or illegal LOL). i tend to get moody and sad on my own for no reason, preggo or not, so im worried about PPD. unfortunately i live int he middle of nowhere and there are no midwives anywhere near us that do i it. i did find one that is a little over an hour away and i tried to email her and i never heard back from her. Sad

squirrel27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

Ok so weird question.

What is placenta encapsulation?

kilahmaree's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 08/28/09
Posts: 951

"LauraMae78" wrote:

i wanted to do the placenta encapsulation as i was afraid of PPD and im not a big fan of drugs (legal or illegal LOL). i tend to get moody and sad on my own for no reason, preggo or not, so im worried about PPD. unfortunately i live int he middle of nowhere and there are no midwives anywhere near us that do i it. i did find one that is a little over an hour away and i tried to email her and i never heard back from her. Sad

You can totally do it yourself! Smile I have a friend who does it for me, but it's super easy so long as you're not squeamish. You basically cook it all day in your oven (not sure the exact temp, etc, but I could find out) until the placenta is completely dry. Then you grind it up
(food processor) into a powder and then put the powder into capsules (most health food stores have these). Or you could instruct a friend how to do it if you have one that is not squeamish. Wink And completely weird and hopefully due to post-partum hormones, but it smells oddly good while baking. Yes, I'm a freak. Wink

squirrel27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

"kilahmaree" wrote:

You can totally do it yourself! Smile I have a friend who does it for me, but it's super easy so long as you're not squeamish. You basically cook it all day in your oven (not sure the exact temp, etc, but I could find out) until the placenta is completely dry. Then you grind it up
(food processor) into a powder and then put the powder into capsules (most health food stores have these). Or you could instruct a friend how to do it if you have one that is not squeamish. Wink And completely weird and hopefully due to post-partum hormones, but it smells oddly good while baking. Yes, I'm a freak. Wink

Wow I guess I'm the squeamish type. that sounds gross!!!! lol

Offline
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/21/10
Posts: 529

"squirrel27" wrote:

Wow I guess I'm the squeamish type. that sounds gross!!!! lol

Yes, it sounds terribly gross to me also and when we were in our Bradley class and the lady was talking about it my DH and I had the "deer in headlights" look on our faces. The more she talked about the benefits and the more we discussed it, the more it sounded like a good idea. The lady that is doing ours had hers raw (in a bloody mary) and that I will not do but I can swallow a pill and if there is any chance that it can help with the hormone moderation, milk production, quicker recovery (physically), and increased energy I am all for it. This is my first and I have no idea what to expect but I want to make the transition as easy as possible.

Here is a web-site that I found about it: http://www.vivantemidwifery.com/placenta.html