Funny, had to share

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Mustanglisa's picture
Joined: 02/26/09
Posts: 324
Funny, had to share

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby : You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette :

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and foldthem neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Paci:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle..
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapers:

1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached...
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

*lurker*

LMAO I literally have tears running down my face from laughing so hard reading this... as it's COMPLETELY true! This is my fourth, I wonder what that means for me lol...

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

Very funny.

I think I skipped to somewhere between 2 & 3 with the twins even though it was my second preg Wink

Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

*lurker*
Lmfaoooooooooooo !!!

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

Lolololol!
Gave this to hubby to read and he lol-ed too. I love the line about the mechanical swing and the one about hiding from the kids rofl.

TFS!

Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 707

*lurker*

this is my 6th......I'm wondering if someone else will give birth FOR me...lol.
And a happy meal is appropriate for baby right??????lol

VCoates's picture
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055

Thank you for sharing! This is hilarious!

Joined: 03/06/09
Posts: 1054

LOL! I am definitely living the "Worries" paragraph. TFS!
I could add my own:
1st baby: You buy matching furniture and decorate the nursery.
2nd baby: You buy a second-hand chest of drawers for baby's clothes.
3rd baby: Who needs furniture? That's what LAUNDRY baskets are for.

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

"countrygirl83" wrote:

LOL! I am definitely living the "Worries" paragraph. TFS!
I could add my own:
1st baby: You buy matching furniture and decorate the nursery.
2nd baby: You buy a second-hand chest of drawers for baby's clothes.
3rd baby: Who needs furniture? That's what LAUNDRY baskets are for.

Lol omg, the first 2 are me... And the baskets are so true for my toddler right now.