Help - our toddler driving us CRAZY!

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jaimers617's picture
Joined: 10/30/09
Posts: 333
Help - our toddler driving us CRAZY!

Yikes. We figured it'd be tough to transition from 1 kids to having 2 and we've done our best to be sure to include our toddler in all things baby. We make sure to still have one on one time with him, we make sure to have him help us with things for the baby, we play with him...but its getting tough. For example - he wanted raisins. So we gave him raisins, he offered some to my husband, and he said no thanks, so Ryder cried. My hubs took them the next time Ryder offered, but put them back in the container, so Ryder cried. Its been like this for 2 days now. How have you ladies helped your little ones cope with a new addition? He is 21 months, so I know its going to be a struggle. But diaper changes, face washes, eating, drinking, getting up on the couch, getting down off the couch, and pretty much everything else turns into a crying fit (all completely fake) and possible stomping/kicking. What would you ladies recommend and what worked for you??

VCoates's picture
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055

I have absolutely 0 advice for this as I'm worried about the same thing with DS. Granted, he's almost 4 but still. I'm anxious to hear what BTDT mom's say about this.

Mustanglisa's picture
Joined: 02/26/09
Posts: 324

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. Its hard enough adjusting to having a newborn. we are having to deal with some problems with dd. I try to think about how difficult it is for them, going from being the center of our world to having to share us and wait for things, it has to be tough. dd is older and understands a lot of what is happening, so its not as hard. However, she is still having to adjust to it all. I think it is something that just takes time, unfortunetly, and just showing them that they are still important. dd for example had a massive meltdown at the hospital, the day we were going home. MIL was going to just take her home, which I didn't want exactly cause I wanted her to ride home with us. Finally I asked if she would help change his diaper, she forgot right away what was wrong, gathered everything up and helped. doesn't work everytime but it did that time and we didn't have any more problems after that.
Hope things get better for you soon.

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

All I can tell you is each week has gotten better with DD. She was 23 month when the twins were born. The first week was the roughest.

They are nearly 4 weeks old now and DD is almost back to her normal self.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

*lurker*

Honestly the best thing to do is ignore it. Keep on doing the same thing that you're doing (which is great!). It's just really hard on him going from getting all of mommy and daddy's attention to having to share it, no matter how hard you try. It's just something that he's going to have to get used to, and he will, you just have to understand it from his point of view... he's just trying to get your attention away from the baby and back onto him, and he'll do whatever he thinks will accomplish that. I know it's hard... going from one child to two is like going from one to ten! Good luck!

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

I'm in the same boat - I expect DS to do pretty much the same, as he is 23 months now.

Heres my thoughts. Keep in mind I'm not quite there yet Wink
You are doing lots of great things - keep them up! as for the fits - things like sharing raisins or something (as simple as it is) is something I'd just go along with - eat the raisin and let him be happy youre sharing with him. Give in to those little attention seekers. Other things I'd recommend is distraction - something as simple as lets go ____ or where is your truck? work well with DS - their attention span is pretty short so diverting him works to avoid the fake fits and teaches him to move on. Of course there are behavioral things I wouldnt let slide, if he does something thats a "major" thing then still discipline as normal.

Oh, as Jennie said - I have a friend who has just had her baby in June and it took a good month for her 20m old to settle down back into routine. Something about the magic 4 weeks! Hang in there!

WonderWomanExtrodinare's picture
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 1192

Only time. My DS and I are very close and when DD was born, he was 19 months old and still my baby, too. It was SO hard on him!!! What hurt me the most was when he called my DH's mom "mama"-- OMG! Talk about teaing my heart out!!! But eventually, he came around. I just kept referring to his baby sister as "his baby" (which really became cool when I went back to work at the daycare center and other siblings had "their" babies and of-course, his baby was the coolest, prettiest, smartest...) and letting him help me with her and snuggle with she and i-- we all co-slept together for a bit. I let him do as much as he could/wanted with her and eventually he came around. I also did everything with him as much as possible to make the transition smoother for him-- we continued co-sleeping, co-bathing, doing everything together-- do you have a wrap so you can wear mikayla and still be hands-free for DS? Just remember, he was your baby first and this is very hard on him, too. Smile

jaimers617's picture
Joined: 10/30/09
Posts: 333

Thanks ladies! So far today, its been a little better. I'm not sure all of it is from the baby since he's still a little sick. So, a lot of the stuff we're letting slide. He's having napping/bed issues, but we've had these before mikayla came along so I'm not worried about that one. He helps a little bit, and I had him come over while I was changing her diaper to hand me wipes and then I asked him to help me wash her legs with a wipe (all I could really think of - lol!) when I started changing her diaper, he went and sat with his dad and I couldn't tell if he was jealous or just wanted to sit with dad. Its so hard being hormonal, plus with the lack of sleep...everything about the situation makes me tear up a little bit. I know it'll pass though!

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

"jaimers617" wrote:

Its so hard being hormonal, plus with the lack of sleep...everything about the situation makes me tear up a little bit. I know it'll pass though!

:bigarmhug: