As you my know from y breastfeeding post, Lizzie was borderline on her bilirubin test. On the second test, before we left the hospital, she was about the same. We were told to follow up with our pediatrician today. So we did.
Guess what? Lizzie is high on the jaundice scale. I don't know her exact numbers. I do know that we are waiting for a medical service company to arrive with a rented photo blanket for the poor baby. We also have to stop the breast milk and put her on formula. Then we go back tomorrow morning to have her retested.
I worked so hard to finally get breast milk in and now I have to sop giving it to her. I started pumping so I have a supply - yes I know there's a bright side, but still. It almost discourages me from trying again. She took to the formula the doctor told us to get and she seems to sleep better and hasn't been fussy.
The other thing is, I wish we would have know to try and supplement while we were beginning the breastfeeding process. I wasn't giving her enough and now look. She has jaundice and we are waiting on a photo blanket and she has to be retested.
This kills me. I know it's not my fault, but i feel terrible. I also just want a healthy baby. I know many, many newborns have jaundice; even my niece had jaundice. I just worry. I wish the doctor never mentioned the words brain damage when discussing it. (He said that there was no way she could have any; because our Coombs test was negative - we have different blood types. She even has a different one from her dad.)
So me being a first-time mom and worry wart extraordinaire is worried about her getting brain damage. I know it's silly and far fetched and my husband keeps telling me, "That's why we are doing the photo blanket and formula. And stop Googling stuff. It make it worse."
I'm just sad about this and want to be upset. I don't want to breastfeed anymore. Not if it's what hurting her. Husband wants me to because of the benefits and trust me I do to, but not if it's going to hurt her.
I think I am just tired, sad, exhausted and everything in between, which is making me an emotional wreck.