I apologize in advance. I have some pent up frustrations that I just need to get out. Please, feel free to join with me. I'm sure a lot of you have either expierenced this, thought this or just need a laugh. I think the man thing that brought this on besides my breakdown in Babie R Us as I was overwhelmed with all the damn products out there was having to wait in line to pee at work.
I don't even know where to start. Hmmm...
Okay first, I'm almost 5 and 1/2 months pregnant. I don't feel my baby kick, I feel some flutters, but I don't feel a definite kick, prod, hit, probe, slap anything. I feel a little butterfly move. This sucks, I want to feel it. And for those of you who say, "just wait, you'll regret saying that", remember I'm a frist time mom and I want to fell my baby so it feels real. I mean I still check the toliet paper to make sure there is no spotting every time I go to the bathroom.
I don't have a maternal instinct yet. I just don't feel motherly yet. I keep worrying that I am going to scream at my baby like I do my dogs out of frustration. Yes, I know I will realize the difference between my baby and my dogs, but this is a constant worry and fear. I fear I'm going to be a terrible mother.
To the other employees at my work: I friggin pregnant. Yes I am a bit on the chubby side, but I am pregnant. That bag cooler you point at has food and drinks for me and my child in there. I can't leave anything in the fridge because you people proceed to eat it. Also, how is it okay for you to do number #2 in the potty and when I go you make a big deal about it? There are only two stalls and I can't hold it. Also when a pregnant woman throws up, it would be kind if you would not run out of the bathroom screamin someone has the stomach virus and is throwing up. Get a life.
To my boss: This chair sucks. It's broke, you know it and I know it. Fix it. Also my pregnant *** can't sit or be comfortable after 8 hours. I get hungry, crampy and sorry *****y. I want to go home and I'm not suppsoed to get overtime,. Let me leave instead of having to help the other people who are out smoking half the day or watching YouTube.com. I do my work and get it done, quit punishing me. This is why I am quitting soon. Just saying.
To my SIL: I hate to break it to you but you are not the only pregnant woman in the world. I can not bend over backwards for you when you visit like my DB does. Just because you are two months to the day due before me, does not mean you can boss everyone around, nor do you know everything. This is your first child and you are 7 years younger than me. By the way, I'm not as big as you because I was sick and kept losing weight and instead of gaining. I finally gained like 5 lbs to your 30 and I'm 5'6 not 4'11. But I am still pregnant. My body hurts and I can't pick up after your ***. BTW I don't think it's cool that my DB does everything for you including put on your seatbelt and carry your purse. He already works, takes care of your dogs, cleans the house, makes dinner, etc. You are using him!
To my parents - actually my mom: To clarify, THIS IS MY CHILD. It is weird that you have an entire nursery and I probably won't visit more than 16 times a year. It is also weird that you keep buying tons and tons of baby stuff and won't let me and my DH have the opportunity to do so. I don't think it was cool that you bought both boy and girl clothes before we knew the sex. I also don't like you make comments or actions like oyu have some stake in this child. You don't. You were verbal abusive to me growing up and still to this day - can you for once be normal? BTW your son feels the same way.
To my DH: I love you. You are the best hubby anyone can ask for. However, you can drive me mad. I am in a nesting phase. That means we need to pick furniture and bedding. This 3 month decision is not cutting it. I want a decision! I am not going to wait, I want to get this done. SI that too much to ask for. I do not want you to paint the room, because you tried to paint both our bathroom nad the guest bath inone day and guess what? The huge masgter bathroom we use everyday still needs a coat of paint. This was 4 months ago! you really think I'm going to let you paint the nursery - do the touch up work in that room.
Also - and this maybe TMI for you guys - my boobs hurt. Leave them alone. To me they lok gross, hurt and I wish you wouldn't gawk, touch or whatever. I also understand my sex drive is higher and you knwo this - but that doesn't mean I want to do it every single day. Sometimes it's easier, less messy if you aren't around. TMI - sorry. Half the time, I feel like a cross between a pig, cow and ape. So I don't feel overly attractive and there is nothing you can do to fix that. Also, When I say my back hurts or my feet hurt get off the couch, stop watching the baseball game that ESPN will re-air highlights to and help me.
Other than that, this extra hair growth, seriously I could use it on my head, not on my face arms, belly, legs or where ever you feel like sprouting. I have never used this many razors in my life. Having lymphodema sucks, because my feet swell 4 times the size the normally are. It's attractive to wear support stockings and shorts or to have your feet swell and hang off your sandal. Acne - the only good thing I can say is I'm glad you took to my back and not my face. You're still gross and I dislike you. Lastly - my dry skin. Ugh I really really dislike you. I am keeping lotion companies in business because of you. Now every night my husband gets to rub lotion on me making me feel even more like a greasy pig.
Thanks and sorry to bore you. I feel tons better.