Silly sister in law Vent (long)

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Jessica.'s picture
Joined: 02/02/09
Posts: 424
Silly sister in law Vent (long)

My 19 year old sister in law, whom i've known since she was 7, now has a 7 month old son. She chose to have this child with a guy she'd known for a few months. She's young and can't support herself and has been out of highschool now for almost 2 years without a diploma!!!!!!!!. her Job is a nanny to a four year old child. but she's never held a traditional job. Her grandmother had saved some money for her starting from when she was born, so last year when she turned 18 she bought a new car with most of that money, but still has a car payment, and thats her ONLY bill. My in laws pay for her food, she lives rent free, her cell phone, and insurance all paid by my in laws. She's on a state program to help with food for her child. Because she lives with her parents you'd expect for her to help there, but thats a struggle. whaa whaa whaa... I have to take care of my child whaa whaa whaa. I can't stand when Im over there and she's yelling at my MIL to change her baby or when MIL and I are out she calls and demands more formula/diapers. I DO love her with all my heart, but it seems that even though shes a mom she's made no sacrifices. She's out with her friends and always asking for babysitters starting from her child's first week in life... she's already had two boyfriends after her child was born and frankly I am sick of it, but what am I going to do? She's not my child.

But my top blew off this morning at 6:30am when she called to see if I had a "spring break" UMMMM NOOOO!!! I WORK 40+ hours a week, AND GO TO SCHOOL AND I'M PREGNANT WITH A TODDLER! NO I won't watch your child so you can go fool around at a water park for a few days.:puke2: She keeps saying she needs a brk. but come on...life doesn't give you that, generally its MORE work when you get older.

I know she loves her child, but I have a hard time not being judgmental with her. DH is on the same page as me, and I think can't wait for his sister to grow up, but no one will ever let her feel the real consequences to her poor choices. Don't know what to say to her when she asks me that kind of stuff. :bangheaddesk:

WonderWomanExtrodinare's picture
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 1192

I feel this way about my step-son's mom (who is now pregnant with her fourth child by a fourth different guy). She just moved out of her step-dad's house, after running her own mother off by doing what you said, having them pay for everything and baby sit her children when she wants to go off, and the only reason she did that is b/c she is pregnant by another guy. That's what she does though, she gets pregnant so somebody else can support her until that falls through the cracks. My step-son lives with us but she has joint custody so DH let's her see him whenever she wants and she has the right to make 50/50 over all decisions. Our parenting styles are so different, they aren't even on the same map and we are constantly bumping heads on this. It makes my life a living hell trying to raise a child under my roof like one of my own when she is constantly butting in telling me how she wants "her" child raised... ugh. I get so tired of women having children and either not taking care of them or using them as objects of control! And who is caught right in the middle but the child.

jaimers617's picture
Joined: 10/30/09
Posts: 333

Ugh! Jessica - how frustrating! I totally give you a lot of credit for not saying anything to her!! I seriously wouldn't be able to keep my opinions to myself. I definitely wouldn't watch her kid for her so she can go to the water partk. In fact, if that was my SIL, I would have told her that maybe she'll have to skip the water park this time so she can watch her son. I probably would have told her thats what it is to be a mom...sometimes you can't do exactly what you want, when you want. Boy - how annoying! Hopefully she grows up soon...she could really use it!

gdsgft007's picture
Joined: 08/29/09
Posts: 418

"jaimers617" wrote:

Ugh! Jessica - how frustrating! I totally give you a lot of credit for not saying anything to her!! I seriously wouldn't be able to keep my opinions to myself. I definitely wouldn't watch her kid for her so she can go to the water partk. In fact, if that was my SIL, I would have told her that maybe she'll have to skip the water park this time so she can watch her son. I probably would have told her thats what it is to be a mom...sometimes you can't do exactly what you want, when you want. Boy - how annoying! Hopefully she grows up soon...she could really use it!

Ditto!

Jessica.'s picture
Joined: 02/02/09
Posts: 424

Ehh.. I'm over my frustrations now, I think my hormones really got to me yesterday because all I could do was complain about her. Bad I know... :confused: It gets to me. Last summer when she bought her car I told her I didn't think it was wise or that she deserved to get it. She didn't talk to me for a month. She can't handle criticism. I know she's only 19 so she has allot of growing to do. I just need to learn that she's not my problem and its not my business what she does.

Jessica.'s picture
Joined: 02/02/09
Posts: 424

"WonderWomanExtrodinare" wrote:

I feel this way about my step-son's mom (who is now pregnant with her fourth child by a fourth different guy). She just moved out of her step-dad's house, after running her own mother off by doing what you said, having them pay for everything and baby sit her children when she wants to go off, and the only reason she did that is b/c she is pregnant by another guy. That's what she does though, she gets pregnant so somebody else can support her until that falls through the cracks. My step-son lives with us but she has joint custody so DH let's her see him whenever she wants and she has the right to make 50/50 over all decisions. Our parenting styles are so different, they aren't even on the same map and we are constantly bumping heads on this. It makes my life a living hell trying to raise a child under my roof like one of my own when she is constantly butting in telling me how she wants "her" child raised... ugh. I get so tired of women having children and either not taking care of them or using them as objects of control! And who is caught right in the middle but the child.

Be glad you can be a positive influence to your DSS! I can't imagine how she's OK with what she's doing. Some people have no clue how to think of others. :mad:

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