This maybe long just a warning.
I apologize for being MIA. I miss being on here!
I don't even know where to begin. I forgo the jaundice issues because I discussed that. Lizzie had issues with my breast milk. She would scream and grunt, wouldn't sleep well and then eat to sooth. We talked to the doctor and he said to try formula for a few days and pump. Well, she seemed better. So we decided to do a half formula/half breast milk. It seemed a bit better. She still wasn't sleeping well and cried (not as bad) when having a BM. I figured things were going well so I gave her 2 oz of pure breast milk -(milk from when I was on a bland diet). That turned into 2 days of hell. So we, along with our doctor decided to stay with formula.
The formula (Similac Sensitive) was going okay. Still not sleeping well, not a happy baby, grunting and crying to have a BM. So I decided to go ahead and try Soy (the doctor said to do that when we went all formula, but I had just opened a box of Similac Sensitive and that stuff ain't cheap).
She did so much better on the soy. She woke up happy, slept 100 times better. She started taking naps, started to play. But she still had problems with BMs. She grunted and whimpered but it wasn't the screaming. Her poops (sorry this gross) have started to proceedingly get harder and she is only going 1 a day. Now she is starting to scream again, soothing by eating and then spitting up and then really spitting up, like vomiting Exorcist style.
Her sleep has gotten worse since Tuesday night and she only slept 3 hours last night. I have her in her swing which seems to have put her out for awhile. But she isn't faling asleep on her own. She has to have the swing again and if you take her out - look out.
The lack of sleep has caused mommy and daddy to be snippy at each other. fun!
And through all this I get a nasty email from my mom:
This letter has been a long time coming, please read it with an open mind.
The purpose of this letter is not to get you upset but to let know what was wrong with me when you kept asking: “what’s wrong and why are you so mad”. It is not that I was mad, but very hurt.
I don’t like being treated like a red headed step child or a distant relative that you might see once every decade. I don’t know why we have to ask permission or wait till you give permission to feed or change Lizzie; and when we offer, the response is “it’s no, that’s ok I have her” or “I will do it”; sorry these actions and responses on your part, well we really don’t understand them, to us it is very insensitive and selfish of you.
We understand Lizzie is your child and is the most precious part of your life. That we get, but it is like you want to keep her all to yourself and don’t really want us around her. Even your brother hasn't got to hold or cuddle her unless I am holding her and I ask him if he wants to hold her, only after your permission is granted.
I was really looking forward to this past weekend and knew for sure I would get to hold her a lot, but I was wrong. Yes I understand you have to learn how to do things, but we don’t get to see her often and it would have been really nice to let us do some things for her. Dad and I do know how to take care of and raise kids, I think we did a great job raising you and Adam. It would have been nice if you would ask us questions and listen to me when I tried to give you advice. But instead you listen to friends and the internet, and then found out later what I tried to tell you were the same things, but of course you wouldn't admit it; that really is upsetting to me.
I’m not writing this to upset you, didn’t want a face to face yelling match with you either, felt this was the best way to express myself and my issue with you regarding Lizzie.
Talk about a slap in the face. Here's a little background my mom has pushed me and my SIL (who has a 4 month old) out of the way so she can change the babies diapers when we are in the middle of doing it. She will be burping one of them and say "mommy does this all wrong" or etc. When we do take her advice we get "see I told you so.
If I mention one thing that is wrong with Lizzie she will call and text me all day for hourly updates. When I had Lizzie she thanked me for giving her such a precious gift - do you know how weird that was for me? I told her that. I said it makes me feel like I'm a surrogant and going to give you this child. you do understand that she is my baby, right.
This was my response: First, before I address your email, let me start off by stating that it took me sometime to respond because I wanted to think about what you wrote instead of reacting. We were blind sighted by this. Also, I wanted to discuss your feelings and the email with DH, since he was mentioned and is also causing the same problems I am giving you.
Second, we, as you know are first time parents. Everything is new to us and we are trying to enjoy every minute of it. We don't know if we will be able to have another child or what tomorrow holds. We also will make mistakes along the way and that's how people learn - from their mistakes. Speaking of learning, we are the type of people who learn by doing, not watching. We take suggestions and help - while we are doing. You do not know how upset we were when we both got a text message from dad about not letting you help (more like do it for us) dress Lizzie in the hospital. We just had her 12 hours prior. We did not get any sleep and had hardly eaten and yet, we get a email about how we weren't letting you help. How selfish is that? We wanted to change our daughter's clothes for the first time. We wanted to do it and the help we needed was someone guiding us, making suggestions; not adding to the stress of just having a child. But it wasn't about that - it was about us not letting you help. So imagine how we felt when we both got scolded via text message. It could have been handled quite differently.
My response went on - and it's a bit more personal. But I had to deal with that. I was worried about having postpartum depressin and BF was huge for me and I figured it would help me battle it if I had it because I could bond with Lizzie. My mom kept telling me you can't breastfeed (when my milk didn't come in) or your milk is probably the cause because of your lymphodema. Just shut up and let me try. When we found out it was I got I told you so. Know I am being questioned on why I have stored breastmilk in my freezer. because one day I hope to give it to her or I'll donate it.
so this has been my life. A baby who needs me to hold her and a mom who has been driving me insane.
I hope all of you are well and hope I didn't dump to much of my personal baggage on you:)