ugh!!!!!!

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
KerriWeasel's picture
Joined: 01/28/10
Posts: 464
ugh!!!!!!

I think I am about at my wits end with my DH's step-mom. I can't take it anymore!

First, she tells me how excited she is to be a grandma when she finds out we are pregnant and throughout the pregnancy. She constantley talks about it, acts like a proud grandma and yet doesn't buy her a single thing until my shower yesterday. (Diapers and one outfit). My mom and other people I know had gotten more and my friends were really surprised at what she bought. We even had a frame for people to sign(well the mate for the picture) with a note to Lizzie and she signs it with their names, not grandma and grandpa. It was very impersonal.

My SIL and DH say she is acting like this because it isn't her real grandchild. I don't want to sound petty but if you're going to be all excited and act all proud, and then you don't do anything? I mean when she found out we were expecting she was talking about all the outrfits and stuff she was going to buy. And it's not like they are hurting for money.

So yesterday she says, I guess I need to get something for the baby inc ase we babysit or she stays the night. Can I just use your pack and play?

The she tells me she wants to throw a shower for me. I told her I had no one else to invite because my mom threw one and my friends threw one. She said she would invite her family and friends (some I barely know). I am going along with it even though it will be majorly uncomfortable.

The final straw came today. Yesterday at the shower by mom said how we were going to do something for my birthday Monday. The MIL says, "Oh I forgot about your birthday." Really?! It's on the freakin' calendar we made for you. (that's how we announced we were pregnant.)

So today she calls and wants us to come over for dinner. They live 45 monutes away. I already told them that after this past busy weekend, driving around Houston tomorrow for my biorthday and driving 30 minutes to my dr appointment Tuesday, I do not want to go anywhere. No, no she wants to make m dinner for my birthday. They live 45 minutes to an hour away. I asked the DH if he knew what they were cooking and he said no, but it's a nice gesture even thougvh we don't like most of the stuff she makes.

I told DH the thing that pisses me off is that she can't drive up here to take me out and she can't at least ask what I might want to eat. I know that's petty and I am really hormonal, but damn it. She is driving me nuts.

I just asked DH to support me on this and he said he was but that I was blowing it out of proportion. I said I told her yesterday I didn't want to drive anywhere or be in the car after Tuesday and what does she do?

Sorry to vent. I just need an outlet. Sorry

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

:bigarmhug:

Vent away....

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

:bighug:
Aren't inlaws wonderful :rolleyes: lol

I totally hear you on this. MIL was like this with DS (and he is her biological grandchild) and finally at 8 or 9m decided that she should actually get a carseat (she thought we'd actually leave him with her WITHOUT one?) Now that I'm close to having #2, she finally decided it was time to get a crib. lol...
Anyway, we would gently hint at her needing these (and other) items and she would complain about never seeing DS... finally DH told her flat out its a pain to go over without some essential items. she had gotten some little things (outfits, toys, etc) but really, if you wanted him to spend lots of time over there, there needs to be some things for him! She also refused (until about a year) to put her glass breakable coffee table items away when he came over (its in the main family room we visit in). She was going to tell him "no" every 3 seconds. Yeah, thats a "fun" place to bring our kid regularly.

LOL SOrry I've tangented way off your thread.
Anyway, I totally get your frustration!! as you can hopefully see.

Is there any way to work out a compromise? Maybe meet somewhere in the middle for dinner instead of you guys driving all the way there? And since its DH's family, he should call and work out the arrangements. Something like "Kerri and I arent up to the long drive as we have a busy day that day, can we do something else..."

KerriWeasel's picture
Joined: 01/28/10
Posts: 464

"squirrel27" wrote:

:bighug:
Aren't inlaws wonderful :rolleyes: lol

I totally hear you on this. MIL was like this with DS (and he is her biological grandchild) and finally at 8 or 9m decided that she should actually get a carseat (she thought we'd actually leave him with her WITHOUT one?) Now that I'm close to having #2, she finally decided it was time to get a crib. lol...
Anyway, we would gently hint at her needing these (and other) items and she would complain about never seeing DS... finally DH told her flat out its a pain to go over without some essential items. she had gotten some little things (outfits, toys, etc) but really, if you wanted him to spend lots of time over there, there needs to be some things for him! She also refused (until about a year) to put her glass breakable coffee table items away when he came over (its in the main family room we visit in). She was going to tell him "no" every 3 seconds. Yeah, thats a "fun" place to bring our kid regularly.

LOL SOrry I've tangented way off your thread.
Anyway, I totally get your frustration!! as you can hopefully see.

Is there any way to work out a compromise? Maybe meet somewhere in the middle for dinner instead of you guys driving all the way there? And since its DH's family, he should call and work out the arrangements. Something like "Kerri and I arent up to the long drive as we have a busy day that day, can we do something else..."

Lol, look at what I get to look forward to! I'm not making fun, it' just nice to know that I'm not alone.

DH did call and ask about it and she invited DH's maternal grandmother who is turning 96 on Tuesday and she can't travel far, so I'll deal with that.

We are going to need to stay in touch and swap stories that way we can be each other's support groups.

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

"KerriWeasel" wrote:

Lol, look at what I get to look forward to! I'm not making fun, it' just nice to know that I'm not alone.

DH did call and ask about it and she invited DH's maternal grandmother who is turning 96 on Tuesday and she can't travel far, so I'll deal with that.

We are going to need to stay in touch and swap stories that way we can be each other's support groups.

Ahhh, ok, maybe conceding for the 96 yr old grandma is allowed Wink lol.

I doubt that I'm the only one with horror stories!!! Wink Sometimes its your own family, sometimes its the in-laws. I promise whatever happens, I will have a story to top yours. LOL. Like the time MIL told us she didnt trust us with our own son because we werent being "responsible", because we werent doing EXACTLY what she said when she said it. (everything from wanting us to feed solids at 2months to not lowering crib when he still wasnt rolling over, etc... you know, the old "i did it for my sons 30 yrs ago so therefore its the only way to raise a child" mentality) It was a long time before I spoke to her again and even longer before she was left alone (even for 5 min) with DS. If she "doesnt trust me" why would I trust her?!
Anyway, another tangent. LOL!!!

:bighug: it does eventually get better and you do learn not to take as much $h!t (from family or friends) when it involves your kid. I used to not say much about these things and let people take advantage. It Doesnt happen much anymore, I get to be momma bear!!!

I will happily listen to a rant and rant back with you anytime!!!

LauraMae78's picture
Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 969

Sorry girl! my MIL is no joy either. she hasnt bothered with brianna in 10 years unless she needed money. shw was all excited in the beginning. now, i dont know what she is. she hasnt called to ask how i am or how im feeling in 4 months. she spent MAYBE $10 on the baby shower (not that money matters to me at all, but she is one of the grandmothers and i expected her to fuss a LITTLE) and has done nothing but judge and holler at me about everything, the last being what we are naming OUR child. My best friend had a banner made for my baby shower and she signed it simply "god bless, nanny". :eek: everyone else put on there how much they cant wait to see her ETC. i have a feeling she isnt going to bother with Kendra too much either. we are used to it by now.

bumblybees's picture
Joined: 03/24/10
Posts: 559

i'm so sorry that you have to deal with that mess. you are not alone and please vent away. it does make you feel better to type it out sometimes.
my MIL is also a piece of work. i do'nt trust her either. she doesn't like babies. she never held DS1 till he was oh 6-9 months and did hold DS2 for a few minutes as a newborn but wasn't happy. She's yet to really ask about this baby and only cursory asks how i'm doing. though she doesn't really care.
hugs!

squirrel27's picture
Joined: 05/13/08
Posts: 781

SERIOUSLY what is it with MILs??!!!

LOL... I keep thinking, with 2 boys, someday I"M going to be some girls MIL and I swear I will never treat her the way we get treated!

Log in or register to post comments