I think perhaps you guys are the only ones who will understand this.
My boyfriend's sister is currently in labor with her first baby, a boy. I think she will be a wonderful mother, and I am truly happy for her, and excited to be an 'aunt' (DBF and I aren't married but have been together for 8 years, his family is my family). She is 40+ weeks, so she's ready for pregnancy to be over. Happy as I am, there is still a part of me that is...jealous? Angry? I don't know, it's hard to describe I guess. For me, labor was never an exciting thing. Instead of a "yay I'm going into labor!" it was a "Holy crap please stop my labor!". Every contraction that I felt, I knew that the boys were getting closer to coming, and that it was way too early. I guess it's more than I'm sad for what I never had, and sad for what the boys had to go through. But then of course I feel bad that I feel this way, because I really am truly happy for his sister. It just brings up all these mixed emotions in me. Thanks for listening!