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  1. #1
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    Default Development

    Why is it that I always feel like my girls are behind other kids? I know it isn't true and I try not to compare, but it always seems like they are slower with milestones. I constantly feel like I am not doing a good job with my kids. My DS is having some school issues that I never would have anticipated, and my girls just seem like they are moving at a snail's pace. They are bright kids. My DS caught onto most milestones pretty much at average times. S is the slowest. She crawled at 10 months, walked at 16 months, started running this fall, just started going up and down stairs, neither have one bit of interest in the potty, and forget academic stuff. They are attempting to count and seem to know some colors, but I am not seeing much of that either. They like to read, which is good.

    I have been in a quandry lately wondering if I need to quit my job. We cannot do that financially right now, but if we could, I think I would quit in heartbeat. I love my job, but I feel like my kids need more of me. I feel like they are not getting the time they need. I just suck at this working mom bit, kwim? Bah! Pity party for me. Whine, whine, whine!

    I have also been debating a change in daycare, but we are going to try and make it to the summer. I need a place that will allow my kids to take the summers off without losing their spots. Those are few and far between where we live, so our options are limited. I have debated a nanny, but I don't know who would accept that position with what we could pay them per week.
    Melanie
    DS-Isaiah 1/2/04
    DDs- Keira and Sarafina 11/28/09


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    Well, mine are a lot younger but I'm already feeling that way, too. Every pediatrician appointment there is a list of "Are they doing XYZ yet?" No, no, not yet.

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    Im the same. I know they are only 5 months but I still feel like maybe they are a little behind. I think in our case it's more that DD1 was extremely advance doing everything well before required, that I feel they are behind. I find with my babes that B is more physically advance ie rolled first, head control arms/leg movement control. And K was more advance with smiling/laughing talking. And then I found the other babe would learn from the other. When one accomplished something the other was only a couple days behind. I think a mother of multiple just assumes that their baby is going to have developmental problem, if that makes sense.
    Krista and Shane 01-07-11
    Sydney 07-28-07
    Bradley and Kaylee 09-06-11

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    Weeeellll ..... probably not a popular opinion here, but my advice is to stop tracking milestones. LOL! Really though, they sound perfectly normal. And meeting developmental milestones at any particular time is not related to later success in life, so, really, as long as they get to their major milestones in a reasonable time, they will do great! The things you mentioned do not seem a problem to me - they are only just over two years old - many kids don't know colors or counting yet. Many don't have any interest in the potty.

    I'm not sure quitting your job is the answer - is there early entry preschools in your area? I know that the center here recommends early entry into preschool if they feel the kids might have struggles. I have no idea how successful this is, but it is one option to consider.

    I tend not to spend much time on message boards or researching the internet, because I tend to think it can cause unnecessary anxiety. If your gut tells you your girls are doing fine, then I'm sure they are. And by all accounts, they sound great!
    Tania

    mom to
    Ava 6 years
    James and Eric, born November 2009

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stompin View Post
    Weeeellll ..... probably not a popular opinion here, but my advice is to stop tracking milestones. LOL! Really though, they sound perfectly normal. And meeting developmental milestones at any particular time is not related to later success in life, so, really, as long as they get to their major milestones in a reasonable time, they will do great! The things you mentioned do not seem a problem to me - they are only just over two years old - many kids don't know colors or counting yet. Many don't have any interest in the potty.

    I'm not sure quitting your job is the answer - is there early entry preschools in your area? I know that the center here recommends early entry into preschool if they feel the kids might have struggles. I have no idea how successful this is, but it is one option to consider.

    I tend not to spend much time on message boards or researching the internet, because I tend to think it can cause unnecessary anxiety. If your gut tells you your girls are doing fine, then I'm sure they are. And by all accounts, they sound great!
    I agree 100%
    Krista and Shane 01-07-11
    Sydney 07-28-07
    Bradley and Kaylee 09-06-11

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    Sure enough, but a vent of a thought is different from trolling the interwebs for diseases!

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    I wonder some of those things myself.

    As to potty training... they are just over two, so unfortunately, fairly normal. I have a niece born July 09, and my cousin's daughter (whom I watch a few times a week) born Apr 09, and neither of them have any interest in potty training, zilch. My boys, are, well, boys, so pt typically happens later than girls... they seemed really interested in December/early jan, would sit any time I asked and went 1/2 the time too, or more than half, now-no interest. lol. After the pt struggles I had with ds, I WILL NOT do that again. Worth the wait.

    Academically, I think the same of my twins. I think it comes from not only being twins, but also being the second/third or more child. My first knew all her colors, could count to ten, spoke very well, and was night trained and somewhat day trained before she was two, and more. My second, I realized when he turned two that he did not know his colors, and could barely count or something.. I freaked a little, and he learned his colors pretty quick. These two... if I ask them what color something is, Abram always says, "poople", and Wyatt always says, "ow-ange". Always. lol. If I ask them which is red, etc, sometimes they get it right, and we have done a decent amount of work on their colors. Abram can count to three, Wyatt not at all, but he can tell you he is two and show me two fingers. They seem sooooo much younger to me than their siblings did at the same age. Wyatt's speech is picking up, but nowhere near Abram's, so that sometimes worries me (even though Wyatt fits developmentally where he should be).

    Anyhow, I am rambling, but I can relate.

    But then.. tonight they were playing with the shap sorter, and trying to fit a shape where it did not go, and I told them to find the triangle, and Wyatt went right to it. And then I think, "wow! They are so smart!". lol

    As to daycare/nanny stuff... is quitting an eventual goal, or more of a hope/dream? It may take some work, but if you want to be home, do what you can to make it work, and I doubt you will regret it. They are only little once. And that is rough not being able to take the summer off.

    How are things going with Isaiah? I hope that you all can figure out what will work best for him. I often feel bad for my older kids, their lives changed so drastically with the twin pregnancy and births. I feel stretched very thin somedays, and my patience is not where it should be with them.
    Rachel, momma to 4
    dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
    I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.

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    I am going through this same struggle right now. My DD always did everything early and the boys are so much further behind her. I know they are doing fine and I know I should not be comparing children or to milestones - but there is just this little voice in my head that is filled with fears of their development. I am extremely worried that it is a sign something is wrong.

    The logic in my brain is trying to supress this little voice but it is a nagging concern.
    Jennie (30) DH Todd (41)
    DSD1 (15) & DSD2 (10)

    DD Izzie Ann born 38w 4d 8/6/09 8lb 1oz
    DS Easton James born 36w 3d 7/11/11 7lb 7oz 19.5"
    DS Ashton Todd born 36w 3d 7/11/11 7lb 0oz 19.5"

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    Rachel - Things are not going well with Isaiah right now. I think maybe this is where all of my worries come from with the girls, and why I feel like someone in our family needs to stay home with the kids. I worry that he is not getting what he needs from us. However, in his defense, I think his teacher is a poor fit with his personality. She is rigid and strict. I feel like she treats the kids like they are 12 instead of 8.

    I think staying home is kind of a dream. I worry about retirement and how I would ever re-enter the work force if I quit. My job requires continual professional development and it is always changing. So, if I leave, I am not sure I would be employable 5 or so years from now, kwim? I also am not sure how we will continue to put away for retirement if I quit. At the same time, I think our kids are really important too. So, it is hard decision. It is something I think about from time to time. When we hit rough patches like this, I often wonder if staying home isn't better for my kids. Ack!

    As for not checking milestones, I actually don't check them. I know what they should be doing though because child development is part of my job. So, it is hard not to pay attention to it. I am really not concerned too much. It all evens out by K for the most part. Like Rachel, I just feel like my girls act younger than Isaiah did at this age. I am not sure if it is just because they are kids #2 and 3 and twins, or what. However, it is hard to stop that little worry that comes into my head about it from time to time.

    Jennie- That is exactly it. You know they are doing fine. However, when someone asks you what they are doing or you remember what #1 was doing, there is just this little doubt that enters your head telling you that all may not be okay. The good thing is that we do know that they are doing okay. We wouldn't be moms if we didn't worry. I think our kids will worry us forever no matter how well they seem to be doing. I guess that is what parenting is all about.
    Melanie
    DS-Isaiah 1/2/04
    DDs- Keira and Sarafina 11/28/09


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    Mel, I'm sorry things are not going well with Isaiah, and even suckier that his teacher is not a good fit. I worry so much about that every year for my kids. Thankfully we have been very blessed with great teachers so far.

    As to the job stuff... is it possible to work part time at all? I know that is probably very difficult with day care as well, but maybe would allow you to feel you are doing both things? Is it something you could do freelance at all? I don't know your exact job title, but a good friend of mine worked in schools with autistic kids, and while doing that and being a mom (to just one at the time) got her masters, which has enabled her to freelance, giving her much more time to be with her kids, but still be in the workforce, furthering herself, and still earning money.

    Hugs my friend. I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. Parenting is tough, and though I do love my kids getting older, it does bring new experiences and also new problems.
    Rachel, momma to 4
    dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
    I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.

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