K is the more fussy baby (although she has gotten a little better over the past month ie not so demanding, needing to be held etc), so I find I am spending more time with her to keep her happy. Brad never seemed to mind because he is easier going and is content to just lay on his belly and watch the world around (with his Sophie near by!). But I have noticed lately that he is becoming more aware of my time with Kaylee and it hurts my heart because I feel like he is hurt because he is not the one being held. I feel so quilty. I dont want him to feel left out. And will it get worse when he is older and wanting my attention as well? How do you divide your attention between the two equally or is that even possible? I think I feel so quilty because Brad is so easy and I feel like he is missing out.
Yeah, I don't know...
I actually am finding my girl fusses less if I just keep her in the swing a lot, so it's my easy boy getting more attention during the day. He also breastfeeds and she doesn't, which makes it worse. When my boyfriend gets home he's the one bottle-feeding her since I can't pass off the booby boy as easily and since bottle feeding is a little faster they also spend time dancing in the kitchen every evening. It's great she finally gets more attention in the evening, but I feel like all my time spent for her benefit is with the pump.
Spark has ALWAYS been the baby needing constant attention. I am in the same situation, where my boy is easy-going as well. He doesn't seem to mind that Spark gets more attention. And it's not like he gets NO attention at all. He still comes in for his hugs and I play with them both on the floor as much as I can.
It gets easier, at least, it has for me. It's never easy dealing with a baby that needs to be constantly held, but I find the guilt gets less and less the more they age. I felt so sorry for Silas when they were really young, as he was often in his bouncy chair while I held Spark or tended to her lest she scream and cry for hours on end.
My advice would just be to give him as much attention as you can. If your girl is demanding your attention, or doesn't want to be put down, maybe hold her and sit by your boy? Stroke his back, talk to him, etc. That's better than nothing. If you're doing your best, you can't beat yourself up over it.
It will go away And you'll find the "needier" one changes all the time. At least in my case it has. Sometimes one goes through a stage when they needed more time and attention than the other. I remember being so upset because Emma had a hard time eating as a newborn so it would take her a long time to finish the smallest amount of formula while poor Sean just sat there waiting to eat. But then she got the hang of it and he started having problems from pyloric stenosis and reflux. So then it was her turn to wait lol!
Its a hard thing to hear when they are that young but it does get so much easier as they get older. I look back now and think about all the things I stressed over and it seems like another lifetime. Hang in there and do the best that you can with dividing your time. They won't be any worse for the wear down the road!
Sean and Emma 10/24/06
I do think it gets easier, but it is still hard. The thing I do remind myself is that they really don't know any different. It is not like a singleton with a new baby. The singleton knew what it was like to get more attention, but twins just know what it is like to be a twin, kwim? This is their normal. They adapt and they enjoy what attention they do receive. Once they can talk, they will let you know what they need more and more.
Thanks ladies, I'm glad to know its not just me, eveyone goes through it. Its gotten a little better now that Kaylee isn't as demanding. I can put her on her playmat and she is ok. ANd then I feel bad for DD1 but she atleast has school which she loves and then she gets both of us to herself when the babes are down for the night. I guess I'm just having a hard time spreading myself around. And in reaslity, doesn't every mother feel guilty at some point, regardless the number of babies (this is what I tell myself atleast!)
I have a very hard time spreading myself around and I feel more guilty about my DS than anyone. However, when I make the time to spend with him, he gives me an attitude. Must be the age or something, but it drives me crazy because I am doing what I can to spend quality time with him and he sasses me. GRRRR!
I often felt like I gave Keira more time than Sarafina. I still feel that way sometimes. It is hard.