frustrating article

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 06/09/06
Posts: 3264
frustrating article

This was posted on FB. I only skimmed it, and just thought that there is no way this person had multiples!! I don't love letting babies cry, but when you have two (or three!) of them crying at the same time, you can't soothe them all at the same time! Like I said, I only skimmed it, but it made me feel bad about not being able to give all my kids as much attention as I would like.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

This article is absolutely rediculous. So we are suppose to hold two babies all day long to prevent them from having to cry. This article frustrated me. Like you said Ruth, the author obviously did not have mulitples. My parents let me 'cry it out' as a baby and am independent.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

I don't agree with this article at all. Even without multiples, babies need their space too. Babies are not as fragile as we all seem to think. Babies do need to be cuddled and loved. They need you to take care of them and address their needs. However, letting a baby cry for a few minutes will not hurt them. As a matter of fact, I had a therapist tell me that crying helps newborns develop their lungs. Crying is also a way babies communicate. IMO, this article is a disgrace to psychology. To essentially say that we need to coddle our infants or else we do irreparable damage is ridiculous. People, in general, are more resilient than that. Do I think that letting a baby just cry for an extremely long time is healthy? No way! That does damage trust, but that is also called neglect. The majority of parents do not neglect their babies. They respond to their needs as much as they can. Those resources are stretched with multiples for sure, but it seems to me that their are many happy and healthy twins, triplets, etc. out there.

I just read an article in Boston Magazine and it was called, "Welcome to the Age of Overparenting." Of course, it did not address babies, but it did address how parents "hover" over their kids and try to protect them from everything. How our generation is stifling creativity because we worry our kids will get hurt, and how many struggle to even part from their kids overnight. It discussed what a disservice we are doing our kids. It was a great read and it really makes you think about how you are parenting.

Daffodils's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 73

Ditto what Mel said! That article is a disgrace. You cannot, as a single human being, respond to two people's needs every time all the time. It is physically impossible, and far too taxing on you to stress yourself out over. I understand the MoM guilt, I beat myself up too sometimes about not having enough attention to go around. Letting a child cry for a few minutes will not cause irreversible damage. We even let the boys 'cry it out' for four days in order to get them to sleep through the night (when they were physically able and older) and they are perfectly attached to me yet independent at the same time. Ridiculous!

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Wow, this article is NUTS! I disagree with so much of what was said. I have never been big on CIO, though my twins did more than my other two, still not a lot, but all four of my kids have been very shy, dependent babies, others might say insecure because they did seem anxious. Babies are born with little personalities, as anyone with twins can tell you. Smile

Also, though CIO is a newer thing, I highly doubt that mothers in days gone by responded to every single cry. They often had multiple children of differing ages, a house to clean, some serious cooking (w/o all our modern conveniences things must have taken MUCH longer), sewing, etc. There is no way they held their babies all day.

Did the person writing that paper have only one child and zero other responsbilities, because even when I just had one and hated to have her cry, there were times she did have to cry while I went to the bathroom or what not. lol

Lina5781's picture
Joined: 10/11/07
Posts: 68

Wow is that a even more slanted take on the first article i read on this. I do not disagree that high stress releases hormones that have negative effects, but we're talking neglect. Letting a baby cry while you use the rest room, answer a phone, tend to another child's needs... not going to give them brain damage. Crying isn't all bad and Mom can generally tell when it is the pissed off tantrum or the terrified I need you cry and act accordingly.

Neglect is bad and a crying child does not equal a neglected child.

Even looking at neglect and abuse there have been pleanty of neglected children that have grown into functional adults. There have been a lot of studies on this "resilience factor" too. By all rights the neglected and/or abused child should not grow into a functional adult capable of having kind loving relationships, yet it happens all the time.

KittenChops's picture
Joined: 04/18/08
Posts: 201

Omg, I read this about a week ago and I have been completely racked with guilt and doubt ever since!!! This is the first time I ever questioned my parenting. It makes me so upset, I have two sets of twins and I feel like according to this article, I may have permanently damayged all of them psychologically because there is no way I can keep them from crying. I have one in particular, she has colic and its getting better as time goes on, but this article made me feel like I should have done more to try to get her to stop crying. There were some nights that no amount of holding, loving, walking, rocking......nothing could get her to stop crying. And I'm not talking a little whimper either, I'm talking full on screaming, sometimes for hours until she finally fell asleep. It was heartbreaking to go through, I felt so helpless then. And now I fear that she will be damaged! And even now, the girls sometimes have to be left crying, or I wouldn't get a shower some days, let alone get anything else done. I don't know what I believe anymore, but this article has really upset me.

Log in or register to post comments