Getting harder

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bamsmom's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635
Getting harder

Ok i figured after the 1st couple months things would start to calm down, but I swear its getting more difficult. The girls are still BF and are up every 2-3 hrs. They are not generally speaking happy babies. If I can get 1 quiet and content the other starts up! I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle and I am definately out numbered. I love this baby stage, but I'm having a hard time enjoying it this go round. :confused:

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm new at the twin thing too! You're doing great mama and it will get better eventually (or atleast I keep telling myself that!)

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I hate to say it.... but it does not get easier for some time. I remember my sweet dh's grandma (who was an identical twin and also had id twin girls) asking me, "is it easier yet" when the boys were 6-7mo and I said no, and she said, "I didn't want to tell you before that it does not get easier for a very long time". And honestly, at almost 2, I don't think it is much easier. Its just different. They sleep more now (still not really sttn, maybe 50% of the time, but that is all my kids, just more exhausting with two) and not quite as demanding with some things, but its still hard, sometimes I feel I am barely staying afloat, but it took like a year for me to even feel like I had my head above water.

I hope this doesn't sound like a total downer post and maybe someone will have some good advice. Mostly I just wanted to say that I understand. But when I look back at photos of when they were so tiny and it was sooooo hard, I almost want it back, they were so sweet and cute. Wink

bamsmom's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635

I really knew the answer to this, but I had to ask/vent! LOL

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

Well, my girls are 8 and a half, now, and it's finally easier! So there IS a light at the end of the tunnel!! Wink No, I always say that the first 6 months were hell, and I didn't enjoy a thing until after 12 months.

My girls were the same way - I could never have both happy at once, until about 6 months. I had to learn to let them cry. When one is quiet and happy, spend time with that baby and enjoy them for a while before going to the crying baby. A little crying will not hurt them, and it will help them learn to self-soothe eventually.

The other thing that I did for my own sanity is that I would go out shopping or to the mall or whatever every other day or so. They would generally sleep or be quiet while riding in the stroller at the store/mall. Then I had a couple of hours of peace and quiet, which really helped me center myself so that I could go back to dealing with the 24/7 crying.

Anyway, I hope it gets better for you soon!

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

I agree. The first 6 months are hard. The first year is a blur. Somehow, we all survive and find ways to cope. I wish I could say that things are magically easier after 12 months, but that is not true. The challenges come in different forms. When they are infants, it is lack of sleep and trying to take care of two totally dependent little beings. When they are toddlers, it is dealing with tantrums, separation anxiety, fighting, etc. I will admit that I am not an infant person. So, I am trying really hard to enjoy the stage we are at now because we are no longer in the infant stage. That is bad, I know.

Saying that, I can honestly say that it is a heck of a lot easier now than it was when my girls were infants. We have some language. We understand directions. We can follow simple commands. Biggrin The girls love to help me, so I can ask them to put their clothes in the hamper or grab a diaper. They will put things in the garbage, get their shoes, go where I tell them...mostly.

My frustration is when both want to be picked up or both tantrum at the same time. I am often easily overstimulated right when I get home from work and it is hard for me to maintain my patience with all 3 of my kids. I find myself telling my older child to sit down and read to preserve my sanity. That makes me feel so guilty.

On a happy note, my girls are super duper cute! That makes up for all the aggravating stuff. They love music and will attempt to sing with songs. They are starting to get interested in shapes, numbers, and letters. They love to dance. Their language has picked up so much. Keira said, "We get in car and go home." all by herself last night. We had never heard her put more than 3 words together. We had a big celebration in the car! Biggrin So, yes, you are in the trenches of infant chores and struggles, but as you know with other kids, the fun is coming. Biggrin

We all have different ways of handling the stress of multiples. I know when the girls were small, we used a lot of swing time and tummy time. There were many days where I sat with two sleeping babies in my arms because they both needed to be held. Our biggest lifesaver was the velcro swaddlers. We started the girls in those at about 3 months and they started sleeping longer stretches at night. So, we got more sleep and our coping skills for all the rest increased.

:bigarmhug:

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

I guess I'm the dissenting voice - I think it does get easier! My boys are now 2 years old (22 months adjusted). Everyone's situation is different, but I found things got remarkably easier after the 10-12 week mark (I'm using their adjusted age here). Don't get me wrong, we were still getting up several times a night, etc, but for some reason it just seemed easier at that point. Then it got easier when they were on the same napping schedule, and even easier when they were finally on the exact same schedule over all. It just takes some time to get there.

For us, things got harder again at about 15 months, and are still pretty intense. Now it's not sleep issues we're managing, but behavior issues. Two active toddlers is tough, but it's also the most rewarding and fun.

Things change, certain parts get harder, and others get easier, but overall I think there is an upward trend.

One way I KNOW it's gotten easier for sure? I wouldn't want to go back to those first weeks again Biggrin That's proof enough for me. Smile

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I have to agree with Tania...it was really hard in the starting and then once I got them on the same schedule, things have gotten so much better. Some nights are worst them others but they have improved as well. Ppl keep telling me 'the first 6 months are hell' but half way through the first 6, things are going really well. The difference between Erin and I is that I have the two easiest going babies...especially Brad. Kaylee has her spoiled moments but for the most part is the happiest lil baby and Brad is chilled all the time, it takes a lot to get him upset. I think thats the only reason I still have a string hold on my sanity. Is it 10 times more work, yes, but worth it. Anyway, all I'm saying is that everyone has different experience and because it has been ok so far I have a feeling that its going to get a lot harder! Who knows Erin, maybe the next 6 months will be awesome for you(I'm hoping for you:))

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

A bit of a side note...Erin you are super Mom, you have infant twins that you have to care for AND 3 other children to look after...plus, am I right in that you are back to work? You're awesome and amazing and should be very proud of yourself.

Lina5781's picture
Joined: 10/11/07
Posts: 68

Life calmed down enough after 2 months we decided to try for more kids. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, lol.

I can honestly say it's only started to come together over the last few months. I finally feel like I can sleep a full 5 hours more nights than not. I'm starting to feel like I'm swimming and not just treading water. ... and the twins are 3 1/2 while Ana is 2 1/2 Smile

brady77's picture
Joined: 07/29/04
Posts: 62

I found the first year extremely difficult. It was very tough to enjoy when there was always one of them being fussy. I wish I could have enjoyed the baby stage more, but it was a lot of crying, feeding, changing, no napping etc!!!! It was tough. While it definitely got easier, I found each age with twins was a new challenge. Now that they are 5, I can say its really easy lol! Hang in there - someday it will be a distant memory! I look back now and wish I could have enjoyed it more since they will be my only children.

bamsmom's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635

Yes I am back to work...I work from home (thank God) but the babies are here with me. Dh is staying home during the day and trying to work at night. I *think* the girls are calming down *some what*, but its still just so hard! I find it difficult to tend to them both when they are both crying and yes I do let them crying it out at times which I hate, but dont have a choice. Jocelyn has started to suck her thumb, which has helped...My Mom thinks its the worse thing ever, but damn IDK! If it keeps her more content, suck on that thumb!!!!!

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

Erin, thumb sucking is not the worst thing ever! It's particularly great if you have twins. LOL!

I think part of my perception of things being manageable with my twins (boys) is that my daughter was suuuuch a fussy, difficult baby and toddler. She is still very high strung, but at 6 years old is very manageable. If the boys were my first babies I think my attitude might have been different.

Lina5781's picture
Joined: 10/11/07
Posts: 68

"bamsmom" wrote:

Yes I am back to work...I work from home (thank God) but the babies are here with me. Dh is staying home during the day and trying to work at night. I *think* the girls are calming down *some what*, but its still just so hard! I find it difficult to tend to them both when they are both crying and yes I do let them crying it out at times which I hate, but dont have a choice. Jocelyn has started to suck her thumb, which has helped...My Mom thinks its the worse thing ever, but damn IDK! If it keeps her more content, suck on that thumb!!!!!

I can chuckle at this. I had certain perceptions of things that WOULD and WOULD NOT happen with my kids. After kids I think all parents have that wake up call to some extent when they are living that reality. Twins rock that world a bit harder. If my first was a singleton I probably would have worked with her to end the thumb sucking habit, but being a twin I was SO thankful she self soothed.