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Military Mom's picture
Joined: 09/09/04
Posts: 369

I feel some what guilty that I just dont have time to sit and snuggle and cuddle and rock each one individually. Between their every 2 hours feedings there is so much to do - I usually dont even have time to nap no matter how exhausted I am - between laundry, bottles, trash, housework, my other two children, bill paying, errands (that lately I have sent my mom to do), its crazy. I feel like I had so much more time with just one baby and now sometimes when both are crying, or even just looking around I want to bond with them both and it jsut doesnt happen like I want. Each of them has moments of fussiness and since I am still in the nursery on the air mattress, I have been taking turns here and there to let them sleep with me. I know they are not old enough but I have sat down and read books to them just to hear my voice. I dont know I just worry - even with my 4, almost 5 year old... she has told me before you dont love me anymore and as much and DH and I try to make sure she has enough attention - she is usually the star of the house and now she has to share and its hard for her to understand... mostly bc she wants to help and 'play' big sister yet they are too small for her to play with or hold by herself yet, etc...

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I know where you are coming from. I felt that guilt and i still do, to some degree. I hated not being able to snuggle them and I hate that the first month wasn't loving and spending time with your NB, it was survival mode. I had and still do have major guilt over the fact that my daughter gets picked up much more then my son because she is the fussy/needy baby. And it's been like that almost from the start. But I came to the realization that he's fine with it. He's more independent. I will say it does get better when they are older. One will wake early from their nap and you get To spend time with that baby alone. Or sometimes I'll take one shopping and leave the other with dad so they get alone time with both of us.

What I'm trying to get at is we've all felt this guilt and just know it gets better. And do what you have to survive. If the laundry isn't getting done, oh well. I made the mistake of trying to be super mom and do everything and I was completely exhausted because if it. And do not feel bad to ask for help! I promise, it does get better. Plus, they are used to sharing!

As for your 5 yr old we heard all the same things here. Did I feel like a horrible mother, yes. But DD1 loves her siblings and she came to realize that the babes needed mommy and that when they are sleeping it was mommy/daughter. A trick I learned, put a movie on I your room for her and snuggle in the bed. DD1 rarely notices when I drift off!

Hang in there. You are doing awesome. It's overwhelming I know. It will get better. I promise.

Military Mom's picture
Joined: 09/09/04
Posts: 369

Thanks! I appreciate knowing that I am not the only one and I am counting on it getting better LOL... my biggest fear in life is that my kids will be dysfunctional bc of something I have done as a parent and I just hope they all know that I love them each the same and am doing my best... and yes, super mom - call it what you will haha I am used to doing it all and having some issues of myown trying to ome to the realizatio that I cant do everything... its hard.

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

I don't have older kids but can attest to all the rest being the standard for twin moms. The sleep starts to get a little better, then worse, then better/worse/better ... but regular chunks of 3 hours will be standard much of the time in a few months (and often a couple of these chunks of sleep!) And the guilt sucks but with more sleep you'll have a few minutes alone with each. For now, it is just survival. Keep surviving! You're doing a great job!

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

Your post took me back to the beginning. I had almost forgot about some of the obstacles of new born twins. It was so rough, I feel for you - hang in there. :bigarmhug:

Yes, I had a lot of guilt and I probably wrote a post identical to yours about a year ago. Your twins were born 12.5 months after mine. I assure you, things will be different a year from now. Your life will be much better and you will be out of survival mode. The twins bonded with me but maybe later than with my daughter. I feel bad because she got so much more one on one attention than the twins but they seem well adjusted now and love mom just the same.

My daughter loves her brothers and I don't think she really remembers life before them. She is quiet the little mom now.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Twin mom guilt is even worse than regular mom guilt. lol. Smile I remember thinking the same things. I came to the realization that my twins did not know that they were sharing, its just how it has always been. Sad they never got tons of one one one like their older siblings, but they really do not know any different.

My kids were 7 and 5 when they twins were born, and I remember more than once that they wished they were sick or had a broken limb so they would get attention. It broke my heart. But now they LOVE their cute little brothers. Smile

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

Your feelings are definitely normal. I still have feelings of guilt. As Rachel said, young twins don't really know that they are sharing. It really is their normal. It is the way it has always been and the way it always will be. My girls fight over me every once in a while now. Usually it is at a really inconvenient time, like when I am sweeping the kitchen or cooking dinner. They hang on my legs and I have to figure out how to get them off, while they are both yelling, "my mommy!" at the top of their lungs. I have been really busy this week also, and Keira has been near tears because she has not really spent much time with me. She cried when I left her at daycare the past two days, and she never does that. I guess what I am trying to say is that we all have moments of guilt where we feel our kids are not getting enough love or attention. I think it is important to recognize when you feel this way or when your kids give you little hints that they feel this way, and work to plan some individual time for them, even if it is just a few minutes.