I just have to vent a little. It was snowing this morning, but barely. Sarafina heard me say snow and when we started to walk out the door, she panicked!! I mean absolutely panicked. She started nervously moving her feet and reached for me while yelling, "'I scared, I scared, I scared." I feel so bad for her and I am at my wit's end. I feel like she is regressing big time. We finally got her moving up and down our stairs and K fell down the stairs. Now, she will not attempt the stairs at all. She must be carried and she will sob or scream if you try to get her to do it on her own. This morning she wanted me to just hold her and not get anyone ready. If I put her down, she sobbed and screamed.
I feel like a horrible mother because I really don't tolerate her anxiety well at all. I lose my patience easily. I have things I have to get done and I just don't have time to coddle her. Yet, I know she needs me to support her and help her with this. I would tell a parent that I was working with for my job to slow down and give her gentle guidance and support. Yet, I get so overstimulated and when she starts screaming, I just hit my wall. I don't yell at her or anything. But, there are times, I just walk away. I have to walk away from her and leave her there sobbing. I know if I don't, I won't be able to give her what she needs to eventually move on.
Add the whole twin thing to this and it feels so complicated. I have K recklessly attempting the stairs on her own, refusing to wait for me, and S screaming bloody murder demanding that I pick her up. So, I have to leave her at the top of the stairs and rush to get to K to make sure she is safe. This ramps up the sobbing and screaming because I have abandoned S in her time of need to supervise the daredevil. Sometimes, I can pick her up and move fast enough, but at other times I have to get to K. Then, there are times I want her to attempt the stairs on her own. AAAAHHHHH! Add in this fear of snow and refusing to go outside even if it is just flurries and I don't know what to do. Move to Florida? Sounds good to me!