Here we go again...

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Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244
Here we go again...

I just have to vent a little. It was snowing this morning, but barely. Sarafina heard me say snow and when we started to walk out the door, she panicked!! I mean absolutely panicked. She started nervously moving her feet and reached for me while yelling, "'I scared, I scared, I scared." I feel so bad for her and I am at my wit's end. I feel like she is regressing big time. We finally got her moving up and down our stairs and K fell down the stairs. Now, she will not attempt the stairs at all. She must be carried and she will sob or scream if you try to get her to do it on her own. This morning she wanted me to just hold her and not get anyone ready. If I put her down, she sobbed and screamed.

I feel like a horrible mother because I really don't tolerate her anxiety well at all. I lose my patience easily. I have things I have to get done and I just don't have time to coddle her. Yet, I know she needs me to support her and help her with this. I would tell a parent that I was working with for my job to slow down and give her gentle guidance and support. Yet, I get so overstimulated and when she starts screaming, I just hit my wall. I don't yell at her or anything. But, there are times, I just walk away. I have to walk away from her and leave her there sobbing. I know if I don't, I won't be able to give her what she needs to eventually move on.

Add the whole twin thing to this and it feels so complicated. I have K recklessly attempting the stairs on her own, refusing to wait for me, and S screaming bloody murder demanding that I pick her up. So, I have to leave her at the top of the stairs and rush to get to K to make sure she is safe. This ramps up the sobbing and screaming because I have abandoned S in her time of need to supervise the daredevil. Sometimes, I can pick her up and move fast enough, but at other times I have to get to K. Then, there are times I want her to attempt the stairs on her own. AAAAHHHHH! Add in this fear of snow and refusing to go outside even if it is just flurries and I don't know what to do. Move to Florida? Sounds good to me! Lol

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Florida does sound nice right now. It is hard to do what you need to do in the moment, even when you do know what you should do. I'm sorry. Wyatt needs lots of cuddling and holding, and I often have to put down a screaming Wy to get to something else, and I feel awful, but with four kids, a house, and everything, I unfortunately cannot hold him all day. But I think I lose my patience more than you do.

Hugs, I hope it gets better soon, for you, and for Sarafina!

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

Melanie, I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. I don't have any advice, except to hang in there and try to breathe... :bigarmhug:

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

:bighug: I second Florida Smile

Lina5781's picture
Joined: 10/11/07
Posts: 68

I kind of understand. Elly was and is the more independent twin... most of the time. Mia is scared of her won shadow. She was literally terrified of oven mitts for more than 3 months. Every time she saw one she came UNGLUED. Once that phase passed it was brooms... Currently it's garages. She won't get closer than 5 feet of a garage with out losing it, which makes life difficult.

I've talked to a few doctors about Mia and being terrified of nothing. Basically I was told that this is NOT a bad thing. It's actually a good thing. It means that she is very intelligent and is seeing bigger pictures and questioning more, but she really can't process it. She's thinking in terms of "what if" and can't fill in the blanks logically. To her an oven mitt moves, and might just jump off my hand and come bite her. To her 18 month old self this was perfectly logical and TERRIFYING.

I was happy that being scared of "nothing" like she is is a sign of intelligence, BUT that doesn't really help you cope. It takes a LOT of time and patience that DH and I don't always have.

Elly is the other extreme. Scared of very little herself, but constantly inventing new things to scare her twin. A month or so ago she grabbed Mia and was very excited to share she found a ghost in the back room. Mia was excited too and they ran back there giggling. Mia ran into the middle of the room... but Elly didn't. She shut off the light, screamed and slammed the door... then promptly fell in a giggling heap on the floor. Mia on the other hand was coming unhinged with terror and needed to be rescued. Of course it took more than a week before we could get her to set foot in the back room again... We could have killed Elly!

At least as they have gotten older it's become easier to reason with Mia, and they have all become more trustworthy to do things on their own when one needs more assistance or time with something. For instance I haven't worried about any of them on the stairs in the better part of a year.

I don't have any advice beyond take the time to work with them when you can. Some days you need to get out that door and have to drag a kid screaming through the garage to get in the car. Other days you can take the time to back the car out of the garage and park it in the driveway so they don't have to go in the garage.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

That definitely sounds a lot like Sarafina. Sometimes, I try to just to take a really big breath and just go with it. S actually went down the stairs twice yesterday holding our hands. We made a big deal out of it. She just smiled and look so proud of herself. So, I guess we are making some progress. I am glad to know that I am not the only one who is concerned about such anxiety. I guess I just have never experienced it to this degree before and it really had me worried. I think having 3 kids amplifies it some as well. You just cannot give it the attention that is necessary with other kids.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Glad Sarafina braved the stairs! Smile