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  1. #1
    Prolific Poster KAYMYA's Avatar
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    Hi all! My name is Mari and I have a almost 3yr old DS and I just have birth to twin boys on 9/7/11 at 29 weeks due to TTTS. We had been watching.my pregnancy very closely after 20 weeks and it started to worsen at 27/28 weeks, made it another week and got steroids and delivered last minute Thursday morning. My boys were born weighing 2lbs6oz ( Adrick Gabriel ) and 2lbs 14 oz (Dominic Alexander), thy have been in the nicu since. As of today Dominic has been off the nasal canula for.about 12 hours and started feeds, thy are switching him from 4 hour feeds to a continous feeds, thy have had to make some adjustments to.his feeds, adrick is on the nasal.canula at about 28% oxygen and is doing ok with his continuous feeds but does have a yeast infection. He is having more breathing trouble than brother and they think its due to PDA and vehicular septal defect, they say its not that bad but my googling doesn't help. I have been having a hard time dealing with everything, I have a lot if feelings of failure since they had yo come out so early. I have been able to see them everyday so far but my husband is back at work. I am.caring for our ds, and babysitters are hard to find when my husband is off work since I can't drive just yet... I am also freaking out at the fact that, we will run out of money to afford the gas to drive there.(its.only 45 ish miles each way but it adds up)
    My.husband "understands" but I know he doesn't feel the same way I do with my emotions running haywire, I am trying to take it day by day, and think of the big picture, but all.I can think about is that I don't have my.babies with Me and they won't be home for a.while. i know they are in the safest place where they are but its still very difficult for me...
    I am hoping to get a chance.to talk to the social worker about resources available but prob won't be until early next week since we will be doing evening visits. For the next few days my.DH works. I just am not sure what is out there for us, we don't qualify for medical transportation through Medicaid but we don't make enough to have all.this extra $ after bills. The struggle of the working poor, enough to make it, not enough extra, but too much for government assistance...well I think I'm done for now thanks for.reading if.you got.this far....
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    Welcome, Mari! Congrats on the birth of your sons! It sounds like you've had a very rough start, but you appear to be very strong! I pray that they have no setbacks and thrive quickly.

    I process medical assistance in our state, so I'm confuzzled about why you wouldn't qualify for medical transportation reimbursement if your boys qualify. Your presence would be considered needed by their doctors and they're most likely in the closest facility that can provide the level of care they need. And here, pregnant women who apply for MA, our state has a 285% above federal poverty guideline income limit based on the number of people in the family, so the income limits are very high and there's no asset limit so most pregnant women qualify even if they have other health insurance. If the pregnant women is eligible for MA, the newborn(s) are eligible here for a minimum of one year. I don't know what the specific criteria is in your state to be eligible, but I would think it would be fairly similar since it's a federal program run a bit differently in each state.

    But I would call the social worker at the hospital today to find out what resources they have. Many, especially larger, hospitals have grants and donations they can work off of or refer you to for help in meeting your family's needs. I don't think you would need to have a face-to-face for this, especially if they can help you sooner rather than later. Good luck and hopefully they'll get released soon!
    Tracey

    DD: 7/27/08
    DD Twins: 8/4/09 @ 35 Wks - No NICU, woot!
    7/9/07

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    Prolific Poster KAYMYA's Avatar
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    Thanks! I actually work in the same area kinda, so I am pretty sure we are over income for our household the last I checked unless their is a special program for preemies or something I don't know about...I may try calling the social worker and see what they offer, he did tell me that one of the boys may qualify for SSI due to low birth weight. so I will be following up on that
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    Hi Mari. Congratulations on your little arrivals!

    I had my twins at 27 weeks, each approx 2.5 lbs. They are now nearly 2 years old, and are doing fabulously. They are average sized compared to their peers, even slightly taller, and are developmentally doing just great. They are running and climbing all over the place, and saying a lot. It amazes me every day.

    I know how daunting it all seems right now, but hang in there. It does get better, and the kids do just great.
    Tania

    mom to
    Ava 6 years
    James and Eric, born November 2009

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    I feel so awful for you. The babies were only in for 5 days and we were in the hospital for 4 of them so I could be with them whenever I wanted. It was hard for me to leave them there for one night so I have no idea how you are doing it. I'm thinking of you and hoping for a quick NICU stay for the boys. Congrats on the birth
    Krista and Shane 01-07-11
    Sydney 07-28-07
    Bradley and Kaylee 09-06-11

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    Prolific Poster KAYMYA's Avatar
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    Thanks girls, my DH does what he can to comfort me.but he can only do so much...I seem to do ok during the day but once nighttime hits I get so depressed, I feel so upset finding someone to watch my DS so I can go see the boys, but don't wanna not see them.either. I will be able to drive myself soon so that's good,
    I also feel like I shouldnt do anything fun, like if I do I am a bad mom for enjoying myself.. I am hoping all these feelings go away soon. I know it will get better, but the light at the end of the tunnel.seem so far.away. I am really trying to take it day by day
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    I found it helpful to make time to enjoy myself - my husband and i occasionally went out to eat when we had family staying with us to watch our daughter. My MIL spent most of the 9 weeks our twins were in the NICU staying with us (she lives 2.5 hours away), and it gave us a lot of freedom. Sometimes we would take a trip to the NICU together in the evening after we put our daughter to bed, and then go out for a late supper.

    As for driving yourself, I've never understood why some women are told not to drive after their sections. I was driving within 3 days (as soon as I was out of the hospital!). If it would make your life easier, definitely start driving!

    In these next several weeks it's really important to do things that will simplify your life. There is no need to feel guilty - your babies are just where they need to be, and will do great. If you can find a way to focus on the positive each and every day, and not look ahead to the next week, or month, you will have an easier time.

    It took every ounce of determination I had to remain positive, and I mostly accomplished it. I definitely had days / moments / hours / whatever when I dropped down into the spiral of anxiety, but I tried to take each new day as a fresh start - I tried to just enjoy the time I had at the NICU watching my babies through the incubator. I would treat myself to a special coffee after leaving the NICU too - it was something to look forward to when I didn't want to drag myself away but had to as I had a 4 year old at home. Sometimes I only had 40 minutes a day with the twins, but I didn't let myself dwell on it.

    You can do this! And most importantly, your babies can do it. Soon enough all the scary moments will be behind you, and you'll hardly remember these weeks.
    Tania

    mom to
    Ava 6 years
    James and Eric, born November 2009

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    Congrats on your babies! I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time, I can only imagine how difficult it is to have them so far away and have to find someone to watch ds so you can go visit them as well. I did not wait the allotted time to drive either. I think if you are not on heavy pain meds you should be just fine. You did the best you could, and are doing the best you can now, don't feel guilt. Hugs and prayers!
    Rachel, momma to 4
    dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
    I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KAYMYA View Post
    Thanks girls, my DH does what he can to comfort me.but he can only do so much...I seem to do ok during the day but once nighttime hits I get so depressed, I feel so upset finding someone to watch my DS so I can go see the boys, but don't wanna not see them.either. I will be able to drive myself soon so that's good,
    I also feel like I shouldnt do anything fun, like if I do I am a bad mom for enjoying myself.. I am hoping all these feelings go away soon. I know it will get better, but the light at the end of the tunnel.seem so far.away. I am really trying to take it day by day
    I think the guilty feelings are normal. I know that I felt guilty because I had one twin at home with my DS. I had to take care of them too. So, we made it to the NICU maybe once a day (and that is only because we live 2 minutes from the hospital). It is very hard to balance NICU time and other children. When you add in the drive that you have, it makes it a very tough situation.

    Here is the thing, please try not to feel guilty for doing something for yourself. A mommy that has some time to herself (no matter the situation), means a happier mommy for her kids. This means that you will have more mental resources to provide to your children as needed. It is really a win-win situation, even if it feels like it is taking away from your kids.

    I remember the many feelings of guilt I had with Sarafina. Feeling like I didn't eat enough to help her grow bigger (she was a small for gestation baby), feeling like she was not going to bond with me because she was in an incubator, and I could not visit her more often. I was encouraged to be there for feedings, so I often had to call and find out her feeding schedule for the day. Often, her schedule and Keira's schedule were the same, so I needed someone to feed Keira while DH and I went in to feed Sarafina. We were only able to do that once a day. It made me feel like a failure as a parent because I could not do more. However, we only have so many resources. NICU stretches those resources. Do what you can and feel accomplished for doing that.

    Have you talked to the social worker yet? I really, really feel that you must do this. Their job is to make sure you have the resources you need to support your family and those babies in the NICU. The NICU is highly stressful for everyone. The social worker needs to know the financial stress you are feeling. I know it is hard to make that contact. I hate doing stuff like that.

    As for the driving, I believe there are two reasons for this (at least this is what my doc told me): 1) the risk of hemmorhage after birth can be greater with the movement and stress you put on your lower abdominal muscles when applying the brake, and 2) your abdominal muscles have been traumatized. They have been stretched enormously to make way for two babies. If you have to brake hard, you will put additional stress on those muscles, not to mention the incision area. So, it is important to let your body rest. It isn't that you cannot physically drive. It is more for your recovery. Our bodies regenerate better with rest.

    Please keep us posted.
    Melanie
    DS-Isaiah 1/2/04
    DDs- Keira and Sarafina 11/28/09


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    Quote Originally Posted by Stompin View Post

    As for driving yourself, I've never understood why some women are told not to drive after their sections. I was driving within 3 days (as soon as I was out of the hospital!). If it would make your life easier, definitely start driving!
    I agree, I was never told I can't drive, but everyone seems to think that I can't for 6 weeks. I drove the day after getting out of the hospital and honestly, I would go stir crazy if I didn't have that ability. They have only been home a week and I have already gone on 3 trips with them. I know it doesn't seem like it, but they will be home soon enough for you to enjoy and love. I felt like they were never coming home and here we are, they are home happy and healthy. The NICU will not keep them a day longer then they need to. Take care and take this time to rest and prepare for their arrivial home, which will be over-whelming but amazing at the same time. Take care and rest. And go out to eat and don't feel guilty.
    Krista and Shane 01-07-11
    Sydney 07-28-07
    Bradley and Kaylee 09-06-11

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