hi and intro

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KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230
hi and intro

Hi all! My name is Mari and I have a almost 3yr old DS and I just have birth to twin boys on 9/7/11 at 29 weeks due to TTTS. We had been watching.my pregnancy very closely after 20 weeks and it started to worsen at 27/28 weeks, made it another week and got steroids and delivered last minute Thursday morning. My boys were born weighing 2lbs6oz ( Adrick Gabriel ) and 2lbs 14 oz (Dominic Alexander), thy have been in the nicu since. As of today Dominic has been off the nasal canula for.about 12 hours and started feeds, thy are switching him from 4 hour feeds to a continous feeds, thy have had to make some adjustments to.his feeds, adrick is on the nasal.canula at about 28% oxygen and is doing ok with his continuous feeds but does have a yeast infection. He is having more breathing trouble than brother and they think its due to PDA and vehicular septal defect, they say its not that bad but my googling doesn't help. I have been having a hard time dealing with everything, I have a lot if feelings of failure since they had yo come out so early. I have been able to see them everyday so far but my husband is back at work. I am.caring for our ds, and babysitters are hard to find when my husband is off work since I can't drive just yet... I am also freaking out at the fact that, we will run out of money to afford the gas to drive there.(its.only 45 ish miles each way but it adds up)
My.husband "understands" but I know he doesn't feel the same way I do with my emotions running haywire, I am trying to take it day by day, and think of the big picture, but all.I can think about is that I don't have my.babies with Me and they won't be home for a.while. i know they are in the safest place where they are but its still very difficult for me...
I am hoping to get a chance.to talk to the social worker about resources available but prob won't be until early next week since we will be doing evening visits. For the next few days my.DH works. I just am not sure what is out there for us, we don't qualify for medical transportation through Medicaid but we don't make enough to have all.this extra $ after bills. The struggle of the working poor, enough to make it, not enough extra, but too much for government assistance...well I think I'm done for now thanks for.reading if.you got.this far....

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

Welcome, Mari! Congrats on the birth of your sons! It sounds like you've had a very rough start, but you appear to be very strong! I pray that they have no setbacks and thrive quickly.

I process medical assistance in our state, so I'm confuzzled about why you wouldn't qualify for medical transportation reimbursement if your boys qualify. Your presence would be considered needed by their doctors and they're most likely in the closest facility that can provide the level of care they need. And here, pregnant women who apply for MA, our state has a 285% above federal poverty guideline income limit based on the number of people in the family, so the income limits are very high and there's no asset limit so most pregnant women qualify even if they have other health insurance. If the pregnant women is eligible for MA, the newborn(s) are eligible here for a minimum of one year. I don't know what the specific criteria is in your state to be eligible, but I would think it would be fairly similar since it's a federal program run a bit differently in each state.

But I would call the social worker at the hospital today to find out what resources they have. Many, especially larger, hospitals have grants and donations they can work off of or refer you to for help in meeting your family's needs. I don't think you would need to have a face-to-face for this, especially if they can help you sooner rather than later. Good luck and hopefully they'll get released soon!

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

Thanks! I actually work in the same area kinda, so I am pretty sure we are over income for our household the last I checked unless their is a special program for preemies or something I don't know about...I may try calling the social worker and see what they offer, he did tell me that one of the boys may qualify for SSI due to low birth weight. so I will be following up on that

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

Hi Mari. Congratulations on your little arrivals!

I had my twins at 27 weeks, each approx 2.5 lbs. They are now nearly 2 years old, and are doing fabulously. They are average sized compared to their peers, even slightly taller, and are developmentally doing just great. They are running and climbing all over the place, and saying a lot. It amazes me every day.

I know how daunting it all seems right now, but hang in there. It does get better, and the kids do just great.

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I feel so awful for you. The babies were only in for 5 days and we were in the hospital for 4 of them so I could be with them whenever I wanted. It was hard for me to leave them there for one night so I have no idea how you are doing it. I'm thinking of you and hoping for a quick NICU stay for the boys. Congrats on the birth Smile

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

Thanks girls, my DH does what he can to comfort me.but he can only do so much...I seem to do ok during the day but once nighttime hits I get so depressed, I feel so upset finding someone to watch my DS so I can go see the boys, but don't wanna not see them.either. I will be able to drive myself soon so that's good,
I also feel like I shouldnt do anything fun, like if I do I am a bad mom for enjoying myself.. I am hoping all these feelings go away soon. I know it will get better, but the light at the end of the tunnel.seem so far.away. I am really trying to take it day by day

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

I found it helpful to make time to enjoy myself - my husband and i occasionally went out to eat when we had family staying with us to watch our daughter. My MIL spent most of the 9 weeks our twins were in the NICU staying with us (she lives 2.5 hours away), and it gave us a lot of freedom. Sometimes we would take a trip to the NICU together in the evening after we put our daughter to bed, and then go out for a late supper.

As for driving yourself, I've never understood why some women are told not to drive after their sections. I was driving within 3 days (as soon as I was out of the hospital!). If it would make your life easier, definitely start driving!

In these next several weeks it's really important to do things that will simplify your life. There is no need to feel guilty - your babies are just where they need to be, and will do great. If you can find a way to focus on the positive each and every day, and not look ahead to the next week, or month, you will have an easier time.

It took every ounce of determination I had to remain positive, and I mostly accomplished it. I definitely had days / moments / hours / whatever when I dropped down into the spiral of anxiety, but I tried to take each new day as a fresh start - I tried to just enjoy the time I had at the NICU watching my babies through the incubator. I would treat myself to a special coffee after leaving the NICU too - it was something to look forward to when I didn't want to drag myself away but had to as I had a 4 year old at home. Sometimes I only had 40 minutes a day with the twins, but I didn't let myself dwell on it.

You can do this! And most importantly, your babies can do it. Soon enough all the scary moments will be behind you, and you'll hardly remember these weeks. Smile

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Congrats on your babies! Smile I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time, I can only imagine how difficult it is to have them so far away and have to find someone to watch ds so you can go visit them as well. I did not wait the allotted time to drive either. I think if you are not on heavy pain meds you should be just fine. You did the best you could, and are doing the best you can now, don't feel guilt. Hugs and prayers!

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"KAYMYA" wrote:

Thanks girls, my DH does what he can to comfort me.but he can only do so much...I seem to do ok during the day but once nighttime hits I get so depressed, I feel so upset finding someone to watch my DS so I can go see the boys, but don't wanna not see them.either. I will be able to drive myself soon so that's good,
I also feel like I shouldnt do anything fun, like if I do I am a bad mom for enjoying myself.. I am hoping all these feelings go away soon. I know it will get better, but the light at the end of the tunnel.seem so far.away. I am really trying to take it day by day

I think the guilty feelings are normal. I know that I felt guilty because I had one twin at home with my DS. I had to take care of them too. So, we made it to the NICU maybe once a day (and that is only because we live 2 minutes from the hospital). It is very hard to balance NICU time and other children. When you add in the drive that you have, it makes it a very tough situation.

Here is the thing, please try not to feel guilty for doing something for yourself. A mommy that has some time to herself (no matter the situation), means a happier mommy for her kids. This means that you will have more mental resources to provide to your children as needed. It is really a win-win situation, even if it feels like it is taking away from your kids.

I remember the many feelings of guilt I had with Sarafina. Feeling like I didn't eat enough to help her grow bigger (she was a small for gestation baby), feeling like she was not going to bond with me because she was in an incubator, and I could not visit her more often. I was encouraged to be there for feedings, so I often had to call and find out her feeding schedule for the day. Often, her schedule and Keira's schedule were the same, so I needed someone to feed Keira while DH and I went in to feed Sarafina. We were only able to do that once a day. It made me feel like a failure as a parent because I could not do more. However, we only have so many resources. NICU stretches those resources. Do what you can and feel accomplished for doing that.

Have you talked to the social worker yet? I really, really feel that you must do this. Their job is to make sure you have the resources you need to support your family and those babies in the NICU. The NICU is highly stressful for everyone. The social worker needs to know the financial stress you are feeling. I know it is hard to make that contact. I hate doing stuff like that.

As for the driving, I believe there are two reasons for this (at least this is what my doc told me): 1) the risk of hemmorhage after birth can be greater with the movement and stress you put on your lower abdominal muscles when applying the brake, and 2) your abdominal muscles have been traumatized. They have been stretched enormously to make way for two babies. If you have to brake hard, you will put additional stress on those muscles, not to mention the incision area. So, it is important to let your body rest. It isn't that you cannot physically drive. It is more for your recovery. Our bodies regenerate better with rest.

Please keep us posted. :bigarmhug:

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

"Stompin" wrote:

As for driving yourself, I've never understood why some women are told not to drive after their sections. I was driving within 3 days (as soon as I was out of the hospital!). If it would make your life easier, definitely start driving!

I agree, I was never told I can't drive, but everyone seems to think that I can't for 6 weeks. I drove the day after getting out of the hospital and honestly, I would go stir crazy if I didn't have that ability. They have only been home a week and I have already gone on 3 trips with them. I know it doesn't seem like it, but they will be home soon enough for you to enjoy and love. I felt like they were never coming home and here we are, they are home happy and healthy. The NICU will not keep them a day longer then they need to. Take care and take this time to rest and prepare for their arrivial home, which will be over-whelming but amazing at the same time. Take care and rest. And go out to eat and don't feel guilty.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"krista83" wrote:

I agree, I was never told I can't drive, but everyone seems to think that I can't for 6 weeks

My instructions have always been to refrain from driving for two weeks. As I said, it isn't that you cannot physically drive, it is more that your body needs to rest. Honestly, I admire the two of you for driving. There is no way I would drive days after major surgery. The thought of it scared me to death. By two weeks, I was pretty ready to drive. My MIL got me out of the house when the twins were 1 week old. She drove me wherever I wanted to go. Bless her. You cannot beat having someone willing to be your chauffeur Biggrin

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

Yup, I drove as soon as I felt up to it (like I said, the day after I got home from the hospital). I wasn't on any pain meds other than Advil and tylenol from the get go after my c-section, so no reason not to drive.

My husband (who is a surgeon and performs abdominal surgery on patients every single day) asked me "If it was your child who stepped out in front of your vehicle, do you feel you could stop?". For the vast majority of people, the answer is "yes" within a few days.

Not driving for 6 weeks is simply not necessary and it makes life so much harder.

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

Yes I agree the whole 6 weeks is ridiculous. I have made a.few.short drives the last few days and I feel fine. My mom is uber paranoid about me driving, so I am going to get the ok from doc today.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

6 weeks? You have been told 6 weeks? That is ridiculous!

I so wish I could have gone without pain meds like that. My pain meds were not from surgery, but my reaction to the spinal. Sad Sciatica and bad muscle pain in the buttock area. I have had PT on that area and still have issues almost 2 years later. It sucks!

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"melnzai" wrote:

6 weeks? You have been told 6 weeks? That is ridiculous!

I so wish I could have gone without pain meds like that. My pain meds were not from surgery, but my reaction to the spinal. Sad Sciatica and bad muscle pain in the buttock area. I have had PT on that area and still have issues almost 2 years later. It sucks!

Did you get your back xrayed at all? I was diagnosed with that until they did an xray. They found that my SI joints are separated and don't have Sciatica at all. The pain can shoot down my legs or out to my hips. The lovely side effects of pregnancy, no?

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

"Stompin" wrote:

Yup, I drove as soon as I felt up to it (like I said, the day after I got home from the hospital). I wasn't on any pain meds other than Advil and tylenol from the get go after my c-section, so no reason not to drive.

This is the same for me. And I usually forgot to take them (but always remembered the stool softener!) I have to admit though, when my husband drove me home, it did hurt when he hit a bump. But I had to drive the next day because it was DD1 first day of JK and I wasn't missing it and the driving felt fine. So, I continued driving. But, my recovery was surprising smooth compared to some ppl.

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

"melnzai" wrote:

My pain meds were not from surgery, but my reaction to the spinal. Sad Sciatica and bad muscle pain in the buttock area. I have had PT on that area and still have issues almost 2 years later. It sucks!

I've been pretty freaked out about my birth pain med options and my back so I met with an anesthesiologist who mentioned that post-birth sciatica too often gets blamed on epidurals and spinals when really it's the sudden shift in posture that does it. Either way, there's nothing fun about sciatica. Sad

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"triplespiral" wrote:

I've been pretty freaked out about my birth pain med options and my back so I met with an anesthesiologist who mentioned that post-birth sciatica too often gets blamed on epidurals and spinals when really it's the sudden shift in posture that does it. Either way, there's nothing fun about sciatica. Sad

I agree with that. They tilt the OR table during a c-section, and with all the pulling and tugging, I think that it helped my pelvis become very unstable. The sciatica is gone. I don't have any issues with that anymore. I will say that the tailbone area was numb for months after my girls birth. It was actually numb off an on for years after my DS's birth. Strange stuff.

The muscle pain is a constant problem. I struggle with it. I need to go get a weekly massage and see if I can fix it with pilates. I plan to talk to my doctor about it again on Monday.

It really sucked after both of my c-sections. My DH makes me feel like I was a baby. He talks about women who are out eating in restaurants just days after a c-section. OMG. I didn't sleep for days because the pain radiated from my back to my legs, I couldn't sit without excruciating pain, and I was just a mess. It was not from the actual incision. If that was it, I would have been out doing a ton of stuff probably. I still struggle to sit at work. I am debating buying an exercise ball to keep in my office and use for my chair. Maybe that will help. I stretch that area several times a day and will have to start a heating pad again tonight because it hurts quite a bit today. Sad

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

Melanie, I feel so bad for you. What exactly is sciatica, I'm not familiar with it?

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

That sounds horribly painful...the first few days after my ceaseran were rough but thanks to pain killers it.was easier. I am now.2 weeks pp, got the go ahead for driving thankfully so.I know have some sanity...

I hope your issues gets better Mel!

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"krista83" wrote:

Melanie, I feel so bad for you. What exactly is sciatica, I'm not familiar with it?

Sciatica is where the sciatic nerve that runs down your lower back into your leg becomes aggravated or inflamed. Thankfully, that is not my issue anymore, but that can be extremely painful.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"KAYMYA" wrote:

That sounds horribly painful...the first few days after my ceaseran were rough but thanks to pain killers it.was easier. I am now.2 weeks pp, got the go ahead for driving thankfully so.I know have some sanity...

I hope your issues gets better Mel!

Yay for driving! I know that after 2 weeks, I felt so much better. By 4 weeks, I felt pretty normal except for some pulling at the incision site.

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

Congrats on your babies!!!

I sure hope things get easier for you soon Smile