How do you know...

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Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253
How do you know...

when you are done having children?

After the horrible pregnancy and birthing process I was saying that I'm done and I'll never go through it again. But, now that the memory of the pain has faded a bit I get the feeling that I'm not done. I love my kids and I am so blessed to have 3 beautiful, healthy happy and amazing babies but I can't help feeling I want one more. I always wanted a big family atleast 3 hopefully 4. I know I may be singing a different tune when these babies are 2, but right now, I would be happy to have one more.

Do you ever feel done or am I just enjoying the baby stage and thats why I want one more?

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

I think it is different for everyone. I just know I am done. I never, ever want to be pregnant again or have any more kids. I am ready to do really fun things with my hubby and my kids. I fantasize about trips to the Grand Canyon and Hawaii. I dream about taking my kids to the circus and not having to worry about getting a babysitter for one that is too young, or dragging a baby along. I yearn for the days when all my kids are potty trained and we have more freedom. If you have any doubt, then you are probably not ready to say you are done. Your feelings may change or you may decide to have more kids.

I also know deep in my heart that I am at capacity for what I can handle. I work full-time and I cannot mentally handle more kids. I do okay with my 3 kids and I am pretty sure I will crack if we add anymore. We also tried for 3 years to have just one more child. That struggle alone was enough for me. Once my twins made it safely into the world, I just knew that was it.

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

My situation is very similar to Melanie's.

I know I am done. I have no desire to be pregnant or have another child. I am at my capacity and cannot do anymore. I am ready for life to get a little less demanding.

I was in a similar situation after DD. I wasn't forsure I was done. I decided to let just see what would happen for x amount of time and when that time was over I was either going to be pregnant or done. I ended up becoming prego with twins the last month of my "just let it happen" phase. I became prego with the twins. I can tell you - not being sure if I wanted one more and ending up with two more pushed me over my limit.

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

I just know, though it took some time to figure that out. When the twins were about 9 months old I thought maybe we'd have more. However, since they turned about 15 months old I know for SURE that we are done.

I am looking forward to the next phase of life, with slightly older children and slightly more flexibility.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I don't know. I am struggling with whether or not we are done or not as well. I have also always wanted a large family, and am the second of 8 children. 5 has always been my magic number, I don't know why. I think dh feels more done than I do, but some days I feel totally and completely done, with two whining toddlers and less than helpful elementary age kids, my patience is thin. lol.

Because I have been struggling with knowing if I am done or not, when the right opportunity arises, I have asked other women (my age who are done, and women more my mother's age) if they ever felt done, and honestly, most of them have said they never did lose that feeling of being done. But also, if you think about it, I doubt most women on their deathbed would say, "Man, I wish I wouldn't have had that last kid", but there may be some that will say, "I wish I would have had one more." Ya know?

I struggle because I really don't think I could have six, and as it sits now, my older two are 28 mo apart, and very close (especially for being different genders), and my twins are close now, and I hope they continue to be. So if I do have one more, is that one kind of just a loner? I really would like to have one more girl, but the odds are not in my favor at this point. We had a scare last month where I was a couple of days late, and both dh and I were thrilled to not be pg right now, but it also let me know I would be okay with another one, but not soon.

I'm rambling.. but yeah, I don't feel done.. yet, but maybe next year I will. lol

Joined: 02/12/10
Posts: 18

I'm done, but I know I will always feel a tiny pang of sadness that there won't be any more babies for me. I don't know why I will be sad, because this is so hard and I am dying for a little more freedom, but that's just the way I feel. After my twins I was sure I was done. It was a rough pregnancy, and awful delivery, and a really rough first few months, physically and emotionally. Then they turned a year or so, and my body started telling me it wanted another one. I tried to talk myself out of it, but I couldn't. I finally convinced my husband to try, and we were lucky enough to get pregnant with our singleton. I am so glad we had him, but I know that I could not handle any more after this. I am ready to start leading a bit of my own life, at least a few hours a week, and I look forward to when they are all more independent (though I will miss them as they are now, even though it's difficult). I could not have another child and start the clock again at zero, if that makes sense.

So, yes, I know I am done, and I know it would break me to have another one, but some part of me will always look longingly at other babies.

daniellec.parker's picture
Joined: 09/06/09
Posts: 895

A&A were less than a month old when I told DH I wanted another one. We had always said 2. But now that I have them, my body is telling me one more. I don't know if I will ever be able to talk DH into it though. I know I don't want another right now, but I would like to start trying in about a year-- if DH will change his mind. If not I will be happy with my beautiful twins and try not to dwell on the longing.

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

Right after my twins were born, I wanted another right away. I got my wish and got pregnant when the twins were 6 months old. Once Deborah was born, I said that I was done. And I was at that time. Now it is over 7 years later and I am married to a different person, and at a much more stable place in my life, and now I'm not done anymore. LOL I'm thankful that I never went through any kind of permanent or semi-permanent birth control measures years ago. So I think whether you are done or not has a lot to do with your relationships and where you are in life. So I say roll with the punches. If you think you're done for now, be done. But don't rule out changing your mind down the road. Unless you are considering getting your tubes tied or something like that, you don't have to make your decision right now. Take time to enjoy you babies and let life lead you where it will. Smile

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"Sweet Pea Twins" wrote:

Right after my twins were born, I wanted another right away. I got my wish and got pregnant when the twins were 6 months old. Once Deborah was born, I said that I was done. And I was at that time. Now it is over 7 years later and I am married to a different person, and at a much more stable place in my life, and now I'm not done anymore. LOL I'm thankful that I never went through any kind of permanent or semi-permanent birth control measures years ago. So I think whether you are done or not has a lot to do with your relationships and where you are in life. So I say roll with the punches. If you think you're done for now, be done. But don't rule out changing your mind down the road. Unless you are considering getting your tubes tied or something like that, you don't have to make your decision right now. Take time to enjoy you babies and let life lead you where it will. Smile

This is very similar to my feelings and experience as well. I have three older kids from a prior marriage and thought at that time I was done. Well I was done having more with him. But when entering a new relationship, we wanted two more that were close together in age (if that was possible since it took us 3 years before the first one was born) and after the first one's arrival, we wanted one more. We were blessed with the twins shortly after their sister's birth. I knew immediately that we were complete once they arrived.

Flourish's picture
Joined: 03/08/10
Posts: 154

I knew I was done the moment I found out I was having twins. lol I'm wishing I'd had a tubal when they did the c-section, but oh well. We knew we wanted one. One was fine. We thought it would be years before we even thought about another one, but I guess the universe answered that dilemma for us. Blum 3

bamsmom's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635

"Flourish" wrote:

I knew I was done the moment I found out I was having twins. lol I'm wishing I'd had a tubal when they did the c-section, but oh well. We knew we wanted one. One was fine. We thought it would be years before we even thought about another one, but I guess the universe answered that dilemma for us. Blum 3

Girlfriend me too! LMBO!!!! For me am I pushed to my max :eek:
I had my tubes tied and although I will always love being pregnant
and love little babies I.AM.DONE!!!!!