How often do you....

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Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023
How often do you....

go on a date with your so/spouse?

Before the twins we went more often, but still maybe once a month or so. It was much easier to get a family member to babysit so we could go when it was two kids. And I don't think its even the four kids that is the deterrent (so many large families in my family), its the twins. I have offered babysitting swaps with family members and friends, and no one ever takes me up on it. I think babysitting baby/toddler twins is just too much.

That said, we went on a date tonight, my good friend (mother of 5 kids from 10mo-8.5yrs) watched her five and our four. The babes did fine, and I am so grateful to her and her dh for watching them. Next week we are watching their 5 so they can go out. But we have to drive 45min to their house, so its not super convenient, but I just can't seem to get a sitter otherwise.

There are some teenage girls around here that I know are trustworthy, but I worry about leaving them with two babies, if they both start screaming and crying, I just don't know if a teenager would handle it well. There are even a few sisters, I thought of having two sitters, but then I have to pay two sitters and pay for the date, and well, that sure gets costly. I don't even know the going rate for teenage sitters, but it ain't cheap. lol.

So it just got me thinking about it... did you date more before twins? Smile

Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 45

Ha, we did everything more before twins (kids for us since they were our first). I think it is def twins that hinder the baby sitting. My parents and DHs parents are great, but I can def see a difference in them baby sitting our twins vs. my brothers or DHs sisters kids. They are older, but I think twins are more exhausting to baby sitters!

Yes, we had more "dates" before kids, but now our alone time is so much more precious that I think the few dates we do have mean more to us than ever before!

Joined: 08/28/10
Posts: 392

My guys are only two months old so we haven't bothered to try to go out alone together yet. I think either set of our folks would jump at the chance to sit for us though. But you're right, the "twins" thing does seem very intimidating. We certainly aren't going out for activities with our friends as we did before the babies, so as not to overburden each other.

Flourish's picture
Joined: 03/08/10
Posts: 154

There are some people in my family I wouldn't leave alone with my twins in the same room, let alone for hours on end.

My sister is the only family member we're really in contact with in the area though so I don't have to worry about that! She's great with them for a couple hours. :vibes:

I am sure we went out way more before the babies were born though. Even before I was pregnant, because I rarely wanted to go out then either. But I can definitely see how it's harder to get a sitter for 4 kids! I hope you find something suitable Smile

Joined: 06/09/06
Posts: 3264

"rachelrazzle" wrote:

go on a date with your so/spouse?

Before the twins we went more often, but still maybe once a month or so. It was much easier to get a family member to babysit so we could go when it was two kids. And I don't think its even the four kids that is the deterrent (so many large families in my family), its the twins. I have offered babysitting swaps with family members and friends, and no one ever takes me up on it. I think babysitting baby/toddler twins is just too much.

That said, we went on a date tonight, my good friend (mother of 5 kids from 10mo-8.5yrs) watched her five and our four. The babes did fine, and I am so grateful to her and her dh for watching them. Next week we are watching their 5 so they can go out. But we have to drive 45min to their house, so its not super convenient, but I just can't seem to get a sitter otherwise.

There are some teenage girls around here that I know are trustworthy, but I worry about leaving them with two babies, if they both start screaming and crying, I just don't know if a teenager would handle it well. There are even a few sisters, I thought of having two sitters, but then I have to pay two sitters and pay for the date, and well, that sure gets costly. I don't even know the going rate for teenage sitters, but it ain't cheap. lol.

So it just got me thinking about it... did you date more before twins? Smile

Yeah, this is what my friends IRL (who also have young children) just don't understand with twins. Three young children ages 3 and under is just very different when two of them are 8 months old! If I personally am stressed out most of the time being alone with all three of my children, why would I think a teenager - or even one adult - could handle it well? I'm their mother and know them and they're comfortable around me.

So no, we don't get out much. It's expensive, we have no family in town, and can't afford to hire more than one baby-sitter. Maybe someday...

ETA: Yes, we dated more before twins and a LOT more before children. Smile We were married for 6 years before our first was born, so we had lots of time for dating. Biggrin

Joined: 11/02/09
Posts: 43

Rachel, I hope you'll find an easier way to have some special time with your husband once in a while. I feel like it's affecting us. Not a date, or even a grocery trip without them, since they were born. We're not date people but we used to go for a hike in the woods almost every night after work, even in the snow. We don't have any friends or family nearby who love us enough to handle our Scream Team unless it's an emergency. I once left them with a friend for a few hours in a work emergency and she later said it had made her decide not to have a second child of her own. Our budget is tight and I'm frankly scared of leaving them with a babysitter. I'm not sure anyone who doesn't know them well could anticipate all the trouble they can get into. They also might get fed up with them and be mean to them!

I'm on vacation at my parents' house right now and my husband will be joining us in a few weeks. My parents are planning to try to give us at least a couple child-free outings together. I'm not very hopeful. My kids are just too difficult, especially at this age. We'll see how it goes.

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

These days, never. I don't remember the last time we went out .... months and months and months ago.

There is no way we could get a sitter with the boys at their current age / stage. I can barely contain them, let alone a sitter not used to the pace. They are both climbers, get into everything, and it's a challenge keeping them safe even in our baby proofed home that is locked down like Fort Knox.

I keep thinking we should get someone to sit for us in the evening, after the boys are in bed. That way the sitter would only have to put our 6 year old to bed. It's just hard finding someone who would be up for the challenge, even with the boys sleeping! (what if they wake, etc).

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

"Stompin" wrote:

I keep thinking we should get someone to sit for us in the evening, after the boys are in bed. That way the sitter would only have to put our 6 year old to bed. It's just hard finding someone who would be up for the challenge, even with the boys sleeping! (what if they wake, etc).

This exactly!

Joined: 06/09/06
Posts: 3264

"Stompin" wrote:

These days, never. I don't remember the last time we went out .... months and months and months ago.

There is no way we could get a sitter with the boys at their current age / stage. I can barely contain them, let alone a sitter not used to the pace. They are both climbers, get into everything, and it's a challenge keeping them safe even in our baby proofed home that is locked down like Fort Knox.

I keep thinking we should get someone to sit for us in the evening, after the boys are in bed. That way the sitter would only have to put our 6 year old to bed. It's just hard finding someone who would be up for the challenge, even with the boys sleeping! (what if they wake, etc).

We did that for our anniversary a few weeks ago... and Micah was a little stinker and woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep the entire time we were gone. Thankfully, he wasn't fussy for our sitter (and he's still basically immobile, which helps :))- she just didn't know the 'trick' to get him back to sleep and she was afraid to let him cry at all since he shares a room with our DD. But overall, it actually worked out pretty well doing it that way. And I had a nicer time thinking that everyone was in bed asleep (even though they weren't).

Joined: 12/23/09
Posts: 4

We have the same problem. I think we've only been out by ourselves about 4 or 5 times since the twins were born (almost 2 yrs ago). Not only do we have 4 kids 3 and under, but two of them are twins. It's like a double whammy. My family is willing to watch them once in awhile, but I can tell it's hard on them. I told my husband I think it will be much easier to find sitters in a couple of years.

Aside from it being hard for the sitter, there just aren't that many people that I trust to watch my little ones, and I generally wanted it to be at my house becasue I don't trust that other peoples homes are child proof enough for two toddlers. I just know that they won't be watched well enough to be at a place with small things all over the place.

That being said my twins are almost two and I am finally feeling like it's getting easier and have been leaving them with teen aged kids from our ward. Before now I just didn't feel comfortable with it but that's slowly changing. I bet as a little more time passes your family/friends will warm up to the idea of watching your kids.

Now to get my baby to 18 months or so and wean and then we can really get out or maybe disappear for a weekend!

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Yes, I think we get less offers because the boys are still breastfeeding, so ppl think they will be fussier or something, which is not necessarily true, but oh well. Wink