I feel like an awful mother

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Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253
I feel like an awful mother

but DD1 is driving me crazy. I swear she is harder to look after then both babies. I love her to death she is my angel and I am lucky to have her, but her attitude is through the roof right now. She is doing things that she knows are bad to get attentuion from me. And I try to give her all the attention I can but I also feel like I need to keep the house, cook etc because my husband is working crazy hrs right now and I know he appreciates coming home to a clean house and home cooked meal. Is it wrong to be excited when DD1 has school or its nap time because I know I'll get a break? And she wants to be constantly on me. If its not a baby on me, it her. I feel like I have absolutely no person space anymore because there is always a kid in it. Please don't get me wrong, I love her so much I'm just feeling overwhlemed. How you women with more then one older sibling do it, I'll never understand. sorry I just needed to get this out hoping there was someone else who felt the same.

Joined: 02/12/10
Posts: 18

I don't know how old your DD1 is, but I swear I could have written this about my twins. They turned three in August, and they are SO difficult right now. My singleton is 9 months old, and though he can be difficult at times, he is so much easier than my twins right now. I definitely look forward to the times they are in school (just twice a week for 5 hours - I would send them more if I could afford it!), because I know it's good for all of us.

It is too hard to take all three kids to fun places by myself, so we are all stuck at home most of the time just driving each other crazy. I find myself thinking about kindergarten a lot! I love them and they love me, but this is a tough stage for us. I live for the weekends when my husband is around to help so I can run away for an hour or two (still bfing the baby so I can't go far!).

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone at all. There is nothing wrong with admitting that parenthood is incredibly tough and not always sunshine and roses. I feel guilty all the time about this. Sometimes I just want to be left alone! Why can't I go to the bathroom my myself? Why must someone always be all over me? Ugh!

I wish you luck and strength. Kids are awesome but man this can be hard!

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I'm glad that someone understands. Its funny though, DD1 had school today, and all I could think of was how much I missed her! I'm all over the place!

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

These feelings are not atypical. I have them sometimes. I think it is really that lack of sleep causes us to get overstimulated very easily. Kids making noise, touching us, etc. can eventually drive us a little crazy. It doesn't mean we don't love them. It just means we have hit our sensory limit and need a slight break. I had all 3 kids clambering on me this morning and I finally had to move them and try to get us to our morning schedule. I just could not hold them any longer.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

This is the age my oldest started having a hard time with her new brother. She had done so well before that.. and then she was so whiny and clingy and every time I nursed it was, "Put Tuckah down!" I can't say it fixed everything, but I bought a LeapFrog Word Whammer (she was about 2.5yrs) and called it her "big sister toy" and it only came out when I fed the baby. It was put right away after feeding time, which kept it new and exciting. Then after a few months when she realized her brother was here to stay and things were calmer, we told her she was such a good big sister that she could have the toy all the time. Smile You could do something similar and bring it out at your busiest times, feeding, bathing time for twins, whatever. It did not fix everything, but it seriously helped a ton.

But no, it is not bad to look forward to nap time and school time, momma needs a break sometimes. And unlike those who work outside the home, we don't get a 15min break and an hour for lunch. Wink

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"krista83" wrote:

but DD1 is driving me crazy. I swear she is harder to look after then both babies. I love her to death she is my angel and I am lucky to have her, but her attitude is through the roof right now. She is doing things that she knows are bad to get attentuion from me. And I try to give her all the attention I can but I also feel like I need to keep the house, cook etc because my husband is working crazy hrs right now and I know he appreciates coming home to a clean house and home cooked meal. Is it wrong to be excited when DD1 has school or its nap time because I know I'll get a break? And she wants to be constantly on me. If its not a baby on me, it her. I feel like I have absolutely no person space anymore because there is always a kid in it. Please don't get me wrong, I love her so much I'm just feeling overwhlemed. How you women with more then one older sibling do it, I'll never understand. sorry I just needed to get this out hoping there was someone else who felt the same.

First thing I'll say is that hormones after giving birth will be all over the place until your system has figured itself out. It can take a long while to adjust. Your babies are newborns and everything is still so new. That said, drop the expectation of getting the house cleaned and dinner on the table by a certain time. It's awesome when it can get done, but it's ok to need to adjust to fit your children's needs as well. I'm sure while your DH would appreciate all that's done by the time he gets home, he'd also understand why it's not done.

Right now you're at what I felt was the most difficult time so far parenting young twins. I felt so overwhelmed at times with lack of sleep, trying to keep all the kids needs met, household kept, and worrying about how on earth I'd manage when going back to work. One twin needed to be held all.of.the.time. I could only nap when all three were napping. Housework came last. I needed me time as well and that was the only way that we all could get through it with an ounce of sanity left. DH had to pick up where I couldn't (didn't help my back and hips limited me as well) and if everything wasn't done by the end of the night, oh well. It kept us more at peace amongst the baskets of folded laundry but not put away and the dust that was screaming for attention.

What helped my DD who is 12 mths older than the twins was to keep her involved with me while I was attending the twins. She became my biggest helper. She was proud of how she was able to be such a big sister in helping. When she knew (they still do this) I was preoccupied, into trouble she would get in. I like the idea of the toy allowed only during your busiest times as well. It is very normal to wish for your me time. You deserve it. All those that are employed outside of the home get breaks. It's time you give yourself one, too.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"Beertje" wrote:

That said, drop the expectation of getting the house cleaned and dinner on the table by a certain time. It's awesome when it can get done, but it's ok to need to adjust to fit your children's needs as well. I'm sure while your DH would appreciate all that's done by the time he gets home, he'd also understand why it's not done.

Yes, this also! Just do what you can do and let the rest go for the moment. It will eventually get done.

Joined: 06/04/09
Posts: 46

Sounds pretty normal to me. For what it's worth, my daughter got progressively more difficult to deal with from 1-5 years old. LOL! Then at about 5.5 years she got much, much easier.

Hang in there!

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"Stompin" wrote:

Sounds pretty normal to me. For what it's worth, my daughter got progressively more difficult to deal with from 1-5 years old. LOL! Then at about 5.5 years she got much, much easier.

Hang in there!

Age 5 is the year of rational thought and pretty decent language development. Biggrin If you have seen some of my posts, you will see my somewhat tongue in cheek references to wishing for age 5 with my twins. Biggrin Love them dearly, but rational thought is such a nice developmental milestone. Wink I wouldn't trade the current age for anything. The constant wonder and excitement is so awesome. I can do without the tantrums and not knowing why the girls are upset though.

isuche02's picture
Joined: 10/08/08
Posts: 1122

I completely understand and tons of hugs! :bigarmhug:

Things are rough right now. DD is 23 months older than the twins. My twins are almost 4 mo old. My life is so hectic - I just try to survive. Any second I get of peace and quiet I enjoy. I am - like others have mentioned - on sensory overload at my house at times. Work is my "break." Work means less sleep, more bills, and more chaotic mornings and evenings but it is helping me keep my sanity right now.