Thread: Make the terrible twos X 2 go away, please!! :)

Originally Posted by woooaaahhhh

mine just turned two, also. Seems like they turned into lil demons overnight lol

Ha! At least we know they will outgrow the demon phase for awhile until they hit those teen years.

I hear ya! The other day I not so nicely or quietly said, "Stop screaming at me" which just ended up with more screaming from Wyatt. They are starting to fight with each other a bit more, taking things from each other, and Bram has a bit of a mean/aggressive streak, where he likes to pinch push. They don't talk quite enough, but we're getting there, so lots of shrieking and "eh" that I get to interpret. I also feel less patient with my older kids because by the time they get home from school I am done, so overstimulated and touched out, that I just want to shut myself in my room and have a minute or two, which of course does not happen. lol.

Kim, as to teaching them things, it doesn't usually work with even one baby at this age, so don't feel bad. I just label lots of things while we play, "Do you want the blue cup?", "Oh look, here is a cat, what does the cat say?", etc.

Mel, if Isaiah was counting and learning letters that young, go you! I definitely did more with my first than my second, because obviously there was more time. But ya know what, even though my ds didn't know his colors until he was over two, and dd knew them probably just over 1, etc ,he is ahead of where she was reading wise at the same age (they are both above grade level), and he has not struggled in school at all. So if they have the ability, nurture what you can, and don't feel too bad. Balancing kids is hard. My dh always feels bad when he gets home from work and only has a few hours before bedtime to split btw four kids.

Originally Posted by rachelrazzle

Mel, if Isaiah was counting and learning letters that young, go you! I definitely did more with my first than my second, because obviously there was more time. But ya know what, even though my ds didn't know his colors until he was over two, and dd knew them probably just over 1, etc ,he is ahead of where she was reading wise at the same age (they are both above grade level), and he has not struggled in school at all. So if they have the ability, nurture what you can, and don't feel too bad. Balancing kids is hard. My dh always feels bad when he gets home from work and only has a few hours before bedtime to split btw four kids.

This is very true. I try really hard not to worry about it. I know the girls will do things when they are ready. They have so far. Every big milestone triggers anxiety for me because it seems like my girls just take forever, kwim? Sarafina didn't walk until 16 (almost 17) months and Keira's speech is still pretty garbled. I know it will all even out by K, but it is hard to be patient.

As for the patience and your DH, I get both. I am overstimulated and tired sometimes by the time I get home from work, then the kids get going and I feel like my head is going to explode from all the input I am receiving. Add not getting a ton of time with the kids and I feel quilty quite a bit. It is a hard balance. We all just do the best we can and pray it is enough, right?

Definitely Mel, that is all that we can do. I know I worry too, its just easier to tell someone else not to worry. lol. At the boys' 18 mo check up (1mo late) the ped asked if I wanted a referral to EI for Wyatt, since he was only saying like 3 words, and mostly just momma. I said no, because this time I was not too worried, because he signs very well, so I know he understands, and figured twins usually are speech delayed. Thankfully even though its only been a few weeks since the appt, Wyatt has added probably 10-15 words to his vocabulary. He walked later too, Abram was walking right at 12mo, and Wyatt was 14.5, which of course is in the normal range, but sometimes it is harder to see your other baby of the same age not doing what the other can.

Okay, I think demons have possessed my twins! Seriously! It has gotten worse!!!! I posted a video of Sarafina throwing a fit on FB. I get a good laugh out of it because you just have to find a way to laugh at stuff like that. However, I posted about 25 seconds and that was the tail end of a meltdown that lasted over a 1/2 hour. Ladies...I have never had a kid who can keep themselves in a tantrum for so long. I still have no clue what it was really about. All I know is that our dinner was horrible because she threw her spoon and then refused to say please to get it back, attempted to throw her tray (at which point, I put her food away because she wasn't eating it anyway), and had to be turned around so that we could ignore her tantrum while we were trying to eat. Then, she continued it once we went downstairs to play. Oh my gosh, I was horribly overstimulated and wanted to just scream with her!!!!!

Has anyone ever read "The Happiest Toddler on the Block?" I need to go check it out from the library again. It is a good read. I have tried his methods with my DS. They never seemed to work. However, maybe it would work for Sarafina. Although, there are days where I just think I am not cut out for parenting twins. I can give you tons of advice on singletons and I can write one heck of a behavior plan for my DS or a kid with a severe behavior issue at work. My twins are a different matter. I just cannot figure them out.

(Sorry, this turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would!)

Spark and Silas have really upped their tantruming over the past couple weeks. I think they're bored, but I don't know what to do with them. We are trying to get out more to play groups and such... if you can believe it, there are more play groups HERE, in a town of 1500 than there were in a city of over 1 million. (Or maybe it just seems like it. lol)

Anyway... Spark is really bad. She's so hard headed that when she doesn't get her way she screams and kicks - but only for a few seconds and she's off again. I've noticed that when they throw tantrums, they're usually tired, or have just woken up.

How I've been dealing with the tantrums: Let them have it out until they've calmed down just a little bit, then pick them up and love them, smile, talk happy with them, show them a toy they like, etc. I want them to know what they did was wrong (which is 99% of the time why they throw a fit, because I've told them "no") but I also want them to know that it's not the end of the world like they think it is. It's really helped. It's getting to the point now where I tell them "no" and they just take it in stride and move on to something else. It doesn't stop them from doing the things they do because they'll always be curious, but it sure does help the tantruming! And I was amazed at how many moms commented on how happy they both looked at play group today. Why wouldn't they be happy? Are other people's kids generally not happy? Which kind of made me sad, but... there it is.

About the superyard - we had one, and they got so tired of it around 8 months. Spark was crying every time we put her in. So we extended it, and blocked off half the living room with it - that got old too. She was climbing out around 11-12 months old (same with her PNP) Also, I broke part of it trying to bend it the wrong way Now we just let them run around wherever. They absolutely hate being penned in and I can't bear to do it to them. The good news is that we finally found an apartment in town... it's tiny, but it has a separate bedroom, and a kitchen even! lol So they are a lot happier now.

I really recommend the book "Unconditional Parenting". It's really changed my outlook on parenting, and the author (Alfie Kohn) is very sweet, not to mention thorough.

Originally Posted by Flourish

How I've been dealing with the tantrums: Let them have it out until they've calmed down just a little bit, then pick them up and love them, smile, talk happy with them, show them a toy they like, etc. I want them to know what they did was wrong (which is 99% of the time why they throw a fit, because I've told them "no") but I also want them to know that it's not the end of the world like they think it is. It's really helped. It's getting to the point now where I tell them "no" and they just take it in stride and move on to something else. It doesn't stop them from doing the things they do because they'll always be curious, but it sure does help the tantruming! And I was amazed at how many moms commented on how happy they both looked at play group today. Why wouldn't they be happy? Are other people's kids generally not happy? Which kind of made me sad, but... there it is.

About the superyard - we had one, and they got so tired of it around 8 months. Spark was crying every time we put her in. So we extended it, and blocked off half the living room with it - that got old too. She was climbing out around 11-12 months old (same with her PNP) Also, I broke part of it trying to bend it the wrong way Now we just let them run around wherever. They absolutely hate being penned in and I can't bear to do it to them. The good news is that we finally found an apartment in town... it's tiny, but it has a separate bedroom, and a kitchen even! lol So they are a lot happier now.

We have one who throws tantrums at times as well. It's not too often, but they occur. I handle it similarly to how you handle it as well. The only difference is when she is having a fit at home, she is placed on her bed until she is done behaving that way, then we talk about why she was screaming. She had her first meltdown at the store last weekend. Boy did she scream! Thankfully, DH was there so he stayed with the other two while I hauled her to her car seat to finish her screaming. She didn't stop until the rest were at the car as well. She was just tired in that instance. We chose the wrong time to shop. Thankfully, that wasn't her normal. DH took them out to lunch the other day and was complimented about how they were so amazed the girls behaved the entire time. So there's definitely good public moments, too!

We finally took the play yard down last month. We had it up more to keep the toys in rather than have them scattered all over the house. I actually miss it now because the house looked much better with the toys contained.

Glad you were able to find an apartment with more space! YaY!!

Mel... I have been needing to make a video as well. Last week Abram had at least a 40min long tantrum. He kept pulling me along to show me something, but he never could find it, I guess. He didn't really know what he wanted, therefore I did not know how to help him and he just screamed and screamed. It is maddening and exhausting. A few times I have taken them and put them in their room for a whole 30 seconds or so, while telling them it is just not okay to scream like that, and sometimes it works... but that 30 seconds is sometimes all I need to regroup to be ready for more screaming. lol

Originally Posted by Flourish

(Sorry, this turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would!)

How I've been dealing with the tantrums: Let them have it out until they've calmed down just a little bit, then pick them up and love them, smile, talk happy with them, show them a toy they like, etc. I want them to know what they did was wrong (which is 99% of the time why they throw a fit, because I've told them "no") but I also want them to know that it's not the end of the world like they think it is. It's really helped. It's getting to the point now where I tell them "no" and they just take it in stride and move on to something else. It doesn't stop them from doing the things they do because they'll always be curious, but it sure does help the tantruming! And I was amazed at how many moms commented on how happy they both looked at play group today. Why wouldn't they be happy? Are other people's kids generally not happy? Which kind of made me sad, but... there it is.

I really recommend the book "Unconditional Parenting". It's really changed my outlook on parenting, and the author (Alfie Kohn) is very sweet, not to mention thorough.

I will have to check out the book. Is it an attachment parenting style book?

As for the tantrums, if I knew what they were about, I would certainly treat it that way. Quite honestly, we ignore it outright. My girls can throw themselves on the floor and fling themselves about. I go about my business. I do my best to get the other kids to move along too. Then, when they are done, we just act like all is normal. I am all about extinction.

I figure once they hit the tantrum stage, nothing is going to stop it. So, I do my best to intervene before we hit that stage. I redirect, I distract, and I intervene with the kids. If we hit the utter meltdown point, I just ignore them. Most of the time, it makes for a short tantrum. Sarafina has already realized that throwing a fit won't get her much. She just has these marathon sessions where she is extremely sensitive. Anything will set her off and she will start and stop. It is not continuous, but she calms down, Keira touches her arm, and she is off again. That is where I am at a loss. I think those might be the days that she is not sleeping well at daycare or something. I think I may have to ask them to give me a verbal nap report everyday.

I have also started counting. The girls must have exposure at daycare. I need to ask. I started using 1-2-3 Magic with them just in the past week. We haven't hit a time out yet. K has been climbing on the table and such. So, I start counting. Yesterday, I said one, she looked at me for about 2 seconds, and then slowly backed down. I thanked her and we moved on. I didn't think they were ready for it, but I decided to give it a try. We will see how long just counting to one lasts.

Originally Posted by rachelrazzle

Mel... I have been needing to make a video as well. Last week Abram had at least a 40min long tantrum. He kept pulling me along to show me something, but he never could find it, I guess. He didn't really know what he wanted, therefore I did not know how to help him and he just screamed and screamed. It is maddening and exhausting. A few times I have taken them and put them in their room for a whole 30 seconds or so, while telling them it is just not okay to scream like that, and sometimes it works... but that 30 seconds is sometimes all I need to regroup to be ready for more screaming. lol

Yeah, sometimes I just have to walk away. The tantrum gets worse for a little bit, but it gives me time to regroup and decide what I need to do to change the tide of behavior.

Yeah, I don't think Sarafina knew why she was throwing the tantrum. She has been very spirited about using her spoon herself recently. I am sure that is what triggered it. She still struggles with fine motor skills. I think she sees Keira finish her food with her spoon and fork and she cannot. So, it upsets her. Then, mommy asks her if she wants help, and BAM...there it all goes! She was sick last week too, so that was part of it. She has been a delight ever since she started feeling better. Sigh! These marathon tantrum sessions can go away though.